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Tonight I beat my son at darts by checking out on 51 with a 1 and bull. I think it’s my greatest achievement ever.

Mine are still fine as well

Having done a degree in pharmacogy specialising in antiparasitic drugs for my dissertation, you have no idea how much your relatives rank stupidity offends me.

On a dog walk with my dad and stepmam recently, and she let slip that they'd bought ivermectin during covid. My dad started waffling over the top of her cos he knows I'll think he's a fucking moron for it. This is cos my dad spends his day watching videos by lunatics on YouTube and thinks he's tuned in to the matrix.

There’s zero chance of us selling Isak to a direct rival for a top 4 spot in January. We’re not a selling club anymore. It isn’t happening. Fail to qualify for champions league this season however, and that might change. This lad should be playing champions league football every season, he’s that good. He’s already given us one season without it. He’s coming into his peak years now. We probably will be forced to cash in during the summer if we miss out. It’s a big incentive to make this season count

mackems..... they enter cup competitions and exit before we start. they enter cup competitions at the same as us and exit before we've kicked a ball. we play them in cup competitions and they dedicate their ground to us and get royally fucked. apart from the pizza trophy.

Just watching the Beeb there, apparently the mackems were streaming out from the 2 open stands at the end of normal time. The commentator was like "Don't they know there's extra time and penalties?". Fickle fuckers.

He’ll need to up his game from set pieces, if he fancies a move there.

Sluts.

Picture first went to WhatsApp group mostly made up of our old Sunday team someone said that before you so 🖕🏻 They also said my career could be mostly summed up by this…

He was busy writing a book.

Reygis Le Bris Enzo Le Fee We should tell them Pepè Le Pew is a lifelong MLF, see how long it takes them to sign him. “ Whaaaa, marras, he’s a bloody Skunk!”

6 Leaygue appeayerances 4 Yewrup appeayerances 0 goals 0 assists. Catts for me, like.

Seeing how my photo editing skills are so admired and cherished on here I thought I'd like to share with you how I see Sandro relaxing in the summer before he has to return for pre-season training......

Can’t really blame the lad. Ashley, on the other hand….

Are you me? I’m only asking because I can’t remember

If I wasn’t so forgetful I would be even more unfit, 90% of my exercise is walking up or down stairs forgetting what I wanted going back then remembering and having to do the stairs again.

And they're out

Covid season. Means fuck all….

HOY! WHAT’S WITH THE PUNS ALL OF A SUDDEN?

Yup https://nypost.com/2018/07/12/civil-servant-skipped-work-for-a-decade-and-nobody-noticed/

This should have been a pm.

Dear Arsenal £150 million as a starting price, plus Saka coming to us. Otherwise, don’t hembarrass yourselves. Love The Saudi Boys.

Thankfully i can walk to work everyday now which gets my steps in. I do work from home mind but it all helps!

aye. it's far from beyond the bounds of possibility that in a months time we're above arsenal in the league and we've booked a place at wembley at their expense too. it also can't have escaped isak's attention that arteta is an absolute whopping fucking thundercunt.

When will they put their, "How Saka would be the perfect solution to Newcastle's right-wing problem" article out?

Only for another 18 months 🙄

Him and Tonali have transformed us like. Like you say, it's not necessarily his saves, but the fact we're not having to reset and defend a throw-in deep inside our half every time the ball's went back to the keeper has made a massive difference to how we handle games.

I’ve just come downstairs then remembered I forgot my glasses, then after the glasses hike remembered I needed the bog ffs. And now I’ve got to go back up to get me bastarding phone from the bog.

Meanwhile, yet another article on Sky Sports about how he would be the perfect solution to Arsenal's striker problem.

Some fabulous TV picks, Liverpool hammering Accrington at home, Man city taking the lead at home to Salford inside seven minutes. What an absolute farce.

15,700 attendance. Need to expand the ground ASAP.

that fake facebook page one of them hastily knocked up proclaiming the seagull shagger to be a mag and within days it becoming an unequivocal mackem fact is fucking tragic man. about as outlandish as keith entering mastermind.

I’ve still got the boots I last wore to play, still in decent Nick but will never be worn again after the last time I tried

🎵 You're Sylvain, You probably think this song is about you, Marveaux, Marveaux. I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee, clouds in my coffee and.... You're Sylvain, You probably think this song is about you, Marveaux, Marveaux. 🎶

Oof, you went there? Well, I’ll be fucked.

PL’d YP

I can 100% smell that picture.

I think that actually happened in the (Spanish) Civil Service. Some bloke who never turned up got paid for decades

Something called the Mandela Effect. Hmmm, interesting. Although I'm gonna say your question was loaded and therefore invalid. So up yours.

Just looking at today's fixtures, not any ties that particularly stand out, all of the minnows who got big clubs are all away, Accrington at Liverpool, Salford at Man City, Morecambe at Chelsea and Stoke's cup final at Sunderland.

He's got 3.5 years left on his deal so he can jump at the opportunity all he wants. If someone doesn't offer silly money then he's going nowhere

Exactly. And I very much doubt he's enjoyed the last few years of his career, bouncing around the place, not welcome at his own club at this stage of his career.

Wouldn’t it be putting all their financial eggs in one basket though?…. unless they sell, which in a way defeats the object of slotting what many consider the final piece of their title jigsaw into place….

On LOAN! This fuckers still on our books!

What are your thoughts now?