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HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF CATHERINE THE WHITE! WHAT ABOUT MEGAN THE SLAG

Aye, good effort Fish. Pity no one is going to bother reading it.

Should get a different Saudi company to sponsor each one of his dog leashes. £10 million each per annum.

I did nothing of the sort, you filthy liar. What I said was that we made massive losses in 22/23 and those will drop out of the calculation. I understand you take everything I say as gospel but that only works if you have the comprehension skills to understand the gifts I'm giving you. Did you get your ACA at the bottom of a box of Rice Krispies?

Anam. It's what CT calls all black lads.

You can't be playing a Libero with a sweeper keeper. Fucking idiot.

Why does this gif last an hour?

Tam, Sam and Becks Sounds like a bar order in Coldstream.

Turns out it isn't all depressing news in The Telegraph.

You still on about Harvey Price?

Typo for authenticity

Just watching Matchcam. The size of the mascots, christ. It used to take people til at least their teens to get that fat. Fucking criminal.

Get "Anam" on a mug. Imagine all the black lads who'll snap that up.

Doesn't he also like it up the arse? Not that there's anything wrong with that. No wonder his grandmother died. And his grandfather. Dirty, bald bastard.

Probably got a quick pegging in the bogs

I am 100% certain he phones these in, he seems to have the IQ of Forest Gump but without the endearing charm.

You have no fucking idea. We didn't have pornography at the click of the button. We had to use our imagination. Or hunt around in bushes for the shredded remains of a porno mag which were inexplicably everywhere.

Scene. Gemmill’s living room, he plonks a bucket of sauerkraut and 6 sourdough flatbreads down and throws the Mrs. her matching Mr. Blobby onesie, (he’s already kitted up). “ Settle in pet, I’ve got seasons 1-10 of Neighbours lined up for us. You’ll never guess what Daphne looks like now …” Mrs. G, putting her coat on as she heads for the door … “ Sorry love, my Dad’s coming round for a shite or two, I’m off to the pub!” Gemmill- “ Oh…Throw my tiger feet slippers over, would you?”

Denis Law. 84. Classic bingo call death.

I was going for the gif where one little girl slaps another but I think we can all agree this is better.

Aaaall the Anams!

Arise Sir PaddockLad, defender of the realm.

I

That’s what I call her

Just in case anyone wants a soundtrack to that post.

Fat shaming young teenagers on the internet? 👌🏻

PL has gone full Vicky Pollard on here this past week. Constantly pulling in colourful characters from his life to back his points up. Tindall's mother's hairdresser one day, his posh housemate Rebecca from the 90s the next. "And then she turned around and said yeah but no but how are they getting her through the palace gates to let him into her palace gates so to speak or sumfin or nuffin."

The brunette lass was like catnip to me

"Here at CT Mugs, warehouse and emporium we make mugs for all occasions. Dead relative? See our range of mugs with crying emojis, RIP gravestones and other hilarious...things....Got an anniversary coming up? Why not treat her to this beautiful, 'I have two mugs - this one, and the one I married' mug. Releasing soon, for our most talented of black lad customers comes this chalice - we don't use the term 'pimp cup' here, because we're definitely not racist despite what that one etsy review said about me."

CT just after he's posted this.... 🎶 Op, Op, op, op, op...... Anam style. 🎵

I hope he hated every minute of that forced interaction.

I only recently realised how mirror-breakingly ugly Troy was. He looks like Harvey Price on two cowies.

sammy levels of Isak analysis on display there safety wink

Don't mention 74 ffs. Me and my mate spent the late evening on his house phone ringing up and abusing every Keegan in the phone book, we obviously got a few of the cunts up out of bed given the length of time it took them to answer, which was nice. As an added bonus this jolly jape did lead us to discover the best name in the history of telephone directories - Cmdr (ret'd) W. E. Kit-Kat. (Once seen never forgotten) - we were tempted but didn't call him as we were focused on Keegans (Highways were rare but we got a few).

Cliff Michelmore in his Trans phase

@PaddockLad explaining the connection to anyone doubting his inside knowledge.

Take a bow. Mega career.

Can you all take the royal tittle tattle to its rightful home in Gemmill’s sourdough thread? Ta.

I love North East Italian restaurants and their potato skins and BBQ dip starters. Just like mama used to make it back in the old country.

That's a timely reminder not to throw pearls before swine.

Proper wykiki post that btw.

Still let king charlie's only real son slap him about despite being physically capable of yarking his jaw clean off. He got chinned by a helicopter pilot with a horse shoe haircut. No coming back from that IMO. He had to move abroad rather than face the inquest from the lads in his local.

He's on 150k a week I heard.

Tell me Man City have won their case, without telling me they've won their case.

Ah I hate stuff like this. I remember the 98 Cup Final for example, a massive fuss being made about it being 24 years since the last FA Cup Final. McDonald, Hibbert, Moncur, etc seemed like ancient history when you think we had Shearer, Lee, Howey, etc. Those 74 & 98 Cup Finals are closer to each other, than we are to those 98/99 Finals. Happy Friday, everyone.

Sorry to hear that strawb. You and your mum have been through the wringer with everything, especially the recent decision not to offer your brother any further treatment then change their minds. It’ll be difficult for you with your mum given the physical distance between you but as MF says, you could be surprised. It’s not too late for her to take up new hobbies and make new friends.

The great Toontastic Left Centreback debate. On it rages. This is how you know @The Fish has won the battle for your souls btw. We're about 5 minutes from someone suggesting that Botman's ideal playing role is a Left footed Libero and discussing the impact this has on the balance of the rest of the squad

Waltzes in, not so much as a 'hello', puts a gif on, then fucks off. What's the world coming to? Sheesh!