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That was nailed on

The whole squad should get off the team bus wearing them.

My brother had a little black Fiat Fiorino van back in the day (it was known as “the Batmobile” as he had a Batman sticker sun visor thing, this dates it to the Keaton/Burton effort circa 1989 ) and he’d often come and pick me and others up on Sundays from where we’d collapsed the night before…this one blazing hot summer morning I opened the rear doors ready for transportation to a shower abd breaksfast chez nous and it FUCKIN STANK of the farmers daughter he’d rifled in its confines the night before ☺️✊🏻

can't be arsed to trawl back through the thread to work out how blur got involved in it but I just thought i chip in with the following.... 'girls and boys' is quite comfortably the worst fucking abomination of a record ever produced both lyrically and for the ear bleedingly shite tune that accompanies them. infact, the only single that even comes remotely close to challenging the above is fucking 'parklife' another painfully pathetic ditty with the added horror of featuring phil daniels who was a simpering cunt in quadrophenia, very obviously a cunt in eastenders on the odd occasion I had the misfortune to claps eyes on it and an absolute tuneless thundercunt as a singer.. hated liam and noel with a passion, still do. however in the north v south battle of the bands I would've happily armed the fuck head brothers with pick axe handles, machetes and guns.

So the “HELLO TO ALL FELLOW CUNTS ON TOONTASTIC.NET #STANDUPWIPERSARESCUM” banner will be approximately in the position indicated by the arrow below

His return is apparently keenly anticipated by quite a few people…

I read that in the voice of Phil Daniels before ending it in the voice of Damon Albarn shouting 'Parklife'.

Well I got the job! So am about to take a 20% pay cut, lose out on my bonus due next month (£10k, fucking timing) and begin my career again in the public sector. And I couldn't be happier. Would not recommend working for a US company.

what about their cakes and pastries noel?

**** Euphemism Klaxon ****

I saw an episode of celebrity antiques road trip the other day which featured phil daniels and lesley ash. during it they were discussing getting old and daniels told ash how she'd never changed since they were in quadrophenia. no phil, you lying cunt. the lass you shagged in an alley in brighton now looks like a fucking shoebill...

Standup Wipers' Arse Cum?

Reminds me, I went to a lowkey leaving do once. There were only about 5 of us and we ended up spending the night in The Vineyard. The lass who was leaving had had about 5 bottles of Duvel. She stood up to go to the loos and uttered the immortal words “Eee! What’s happened to me legs?”

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-14388553/Newcastle-United-injury-Carabao-Cup-final-Liverpool.html Gordon, Botman, and Burn have all had scans and no major issues. Trigger warning for aimaad22: please note this is a Craig Hope article. Proceed with caution.

Just remembered my lass got fucking legless at that Lord Crewe Arms, which is an unusual one for her. The first indication I had of how far gone she was was when she got up from the dinner table to go to the bog and walked across the room like a striker bending his run to stay onside. Spewing ensued. And she missed out on a very nice breakfast.

Shagging a lass in your own Berlingo is one thing. Finding a lass that OWNS a Berlingo and then shagging her in it is a war crime.

I was up for a race at Stamfordham years ago. The British Nationals and we stayed at a boozer somewhere and it was like that. Looked canny from the outside, went inside and it was just a shithole locals place. Ended up getting pissed and my mate shagged a bird in the back of her Berlingo

https://bsky.app/profile/hhesterm.bsky.social/post/3lhwc2wltik2a

It’s mostly the accent tbf.

Havertz likely out for the season

This one's for you, Aimaad.

Sounds painful.

My mate Joe has been on the Dolly Parton diet with good results. It made Joe lean joe lean joe lean

Man City are 66/1 with Paddy Power to win the Premier League; they’re 10/1 to be relegated.

@Gemmill

Shuttle cocks down the shorts as the lads run out onto the pitch and then hoy them on the Villa bench just before kick off.

I really hope he wears the hoodie again at Villa Park.

I thought my present was meant to be a surprise?

I don’t know if you have visited any of our match threads in the past year but I don’t think this is a fair reflection of the people here

I'm very happy with how things are these days but I must admit I do miss Duvel.

@wykikitoon... the lord crews arms is genuine. the kings head in stanley isn't, was a glorious dive in the 80s full of adorable thundercunts. it shut down and was reinvented as a wife swapping theme hotel (seriously) called the spa, or something like that. think the folk who lived in the neighbourhood were up in arms about it and had a campaign to have it closed. dunno if they were successful or not, but you never know your luck!

I find Rayvin an absolutely vital connection with today's yoofs.

Just to be clear, that's actually X-AE-12 or whatever he named it. He calls it X for short in the clip somewhere. People have just taken to calling it Kevlar as a consequence of his security purposes for it

I would hardly describe affable as particularly highbrow.... mind you, i suppose there's different aspirations south of scotch corner.

Wasn't 'britpop' just a load of made up shite like the 'big six', 'theatre of dreams' and the 'stadium of light'?

He's that thick that If he was liquid you could stand a spoon up in him.

Frankie Boyle... Blur. A cheese making cunt, a new labour cunt, a faux Cockney cunt and a cunt

brave man. i try to avoid smirking at things like that for the sake of karma. not that i believe in karma.

Walking down the touchline with his thumbs pointing back at it with massive emphasis, hopefully.

Imagine lots are waiting for tomorrow when pot 2 & pot 1 can apply and get seats together

Nah, he’s just Quiff.

He's slow but he doesn't lose the ball. He was good until he got injured again. Injuries have been his biggest problem the last couple of years. The minutes he was on he didn't lose possession and his ball in for the first goal was class. I appreciate Newcastle fans just don't like him and view him through Almiron tinted specs but when fit he is class. Yes he's dubious with his partying and wise cracking but he's a nice lad off the pitch. His efforts towards intellectually challenged kids, ambassador for the special olympics. That's not fake thats him. Writing to fans in braille etc. The daft fucker genuinely loves to help kids with issues. Obviously borne from his love for his sister. Having spent years at GOSH with my eldest, seeing other kids there, that soft side of him shines brighter than any of his childish shenanigans. But yeah, he's slow as fuck.

The electorate are one thing, those who should care are being threatened with the end of their careers if they speak out. They’re threatening the GOP & the entire Washington political machine with personal and corporate destruction if they’re opposed in any significant way because that’s been Trump’s tactics all his life; threats, intimidation, use of leverage… what does that remind you of?…. Apparently this is the future if they comply with what’s currently being done… https://www.foreignaffairs.com/united-states/path-american-authoritarianism-trump

If I was on passport control and that senator who proposed this came through.... "Name?" "Buddy." "Real name?" "Earl 'buddy' Carter"

Yes, he was with me. My natural erudition plainly rubbed off

he must be buzzing tbf. Brilliant move for him