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Great for the league to have a proper class club in it. The Premier League should provide complimentary cheese slices for all of their supporters as a thank you.

Woken up to a load of deleted messages in my football group chat with mates from home. Apparently our resident liverpool fan has had a HUGE rant about Alexander-Arnold leaving liverpool and has deleted them in embarrassment when he was informed that not only does no one else in the group give a shit but that practically every non-liverpool fan in the country thinks they're being a bunch of twats by having such a problem with him leaving. football is brilliant.

Sunderland looking forward to their first season back in the PL:

Lifelong ambition about to be fulfilled.

It’s been noted

This is another one of your schemes, isn’t it? You’ve clearly put as much thought in to this as you have every other scheme you’ve come up with in the past, so let me do the thinking for you- don’t bother But, like every other past scheme, we know you’ll take any advice with a hefty pinch of salt and totally ignore it, so, to save your poor Mrs from getting another “suspicious activity” alert on the savings account, here’s what you do.… Your cheapest season ticket is £490, so open your bitchcoin account, find that lump you’ve been “hodling for the bull run”, and cash it all in. Then, sell the metecting gear- get an add on Craigslist, cash only, and flog it as a “beginner’s set”. Say it comes with a free lifetime membership of Sunderland Archaeological Diggers ( Boldon And South Tyneside Area Rural Division), and knock up a mug with the above printed on it ( You might want to go initials only to save a few quid on costs) Meet them in a field, that you’ve previously scattered with some iron filings, hand over the kit, get the cash, and once they’ve got headphones on and get the first BEEP, fucking skedaddle! So, you’ve bought your ticket. Firstly, you’re only going to see one of the two derbies- you’ve got no chance of getting a ticket for the SJP game, so you’re stuck with the game at the SoS. Obviously, you’ll be in the home seats, aka the Toilets, so you’ll need a few tips to blend in with the locals and not be outed as a Maggy Bastid. DRESS- You’ll need one of their tops, and some Sports Direct bargain tracky bottoms. Get them now, two sizes too small. and dump them in the garden-don’t wash them before the game. PATTER- For general patter, look back on your posts in the Brexit and Politics threads from around 2016, memorise them and crack on, you’ll fit right in. When it comes to past players, unless it’s Bally or Quinny , spit on the ground if anyone mentions any player who has left the club, especially if they’re black. Also, get some practice in at BEWWING! You’ll need to do this most of the time you’re in there. If all else fails, whip out some pocket cheese and offer it around. Which brings us to… FOOD- once you hit the concession stand , pre-match, twenty minutes in, at HT, and 50 minutes in, you’re at risk of discovery unless you follow two simple rules; The only acceptable topping for your bucket of chips is cheeyse. The only acceptable drink is Blue. After 50 minutes you can relax as every fucker will have left anyway. TOILET BREAKS- given your pea-sized bladder, you’ll be pleased to note that you won’t need to leave your seat if you need the bog, in fact, getting up to go to the bog will likely raise suspicions of Magness, so stay put and evacuate in-situ. Finally, don’t forget to add FTM at the end of everything you say, marra. Enjoy.

I hadn't realised it'd gone offline tbf, just had a browse today and thought I might've dreamt my few weeks on here with equal parts relief and mild confusion. Cheers for keeping this place going @Andrew. I'm not one of you but as far as congregations go you're mostly all incredibly sound and reasonable people when your not talking about football. > hopefully the place will stay up through tomorrow. It might not be fully erect, but you can still keep it upright.

It’s a bit of a disastrous day for their club to be honest all we’ve heard for over a decade from there lot is how the Premier League is shit and they don’t wanna be in it- so obviously since they’re such a fine principled set of fans they’re going to see a drop off in Match day attendances, the lakes of which they won’t have experienced since a few weeks ago

It’s fucking bullshit anyway. How do you implement something whilst paring back the very institutions that would be tasked with implementing something this complicated? The real issue here is the government’s complicity in continuing the previous one’s policy of being disingenuous and hoying out bollocks just to create an impression of tackling X, Y or Z.

I feel sorry for that fucker they signed on loan who now has to stay.

The important thing to remember at this point is that, irrespective of this result, they are still (in relative terms) absolutely fucking shite

Contract extended to 2027 when he'll be 35. As it should be.

Post wedding dinner and speeches done so I thought I’d check my phone…

The fucking cheek of this like.

Might see if I can get a season ticket for Sunderland so I get a chance to watch us live next season.

The last one was tbf

fuck off.

sick of seeing relegated clubs like Sheffield coming back for nothing glad to see a new team

Aye their most important signing of the summer is lube.

Just for balance, I measured your gaff to the Wear. 1km closer than the Tyne.

Renton's scared of the mackems, pass it on.

Fuck off.

Have you stocked up on Tena pants?

TERRIBLE prediction. TERRIBLE.

Won’t you be my cewk a chew

Pretty apt actually....

They’d learn CPR if they could be bothered to learn how to spell it

It’s fine. Probably shit anyways.

I think it's ring fenced for TTers with at least ten years membership. Sorry and all that.

Welcome to Pun Club.

Down in a tubby station at midnight. Can anyone do worse?

The Piles Council or something

Eating Trifles.

The suspension on his vespa must be absolutely fucked.

A Town Called Phallus.

Luke 0-3 going off with a dislocated shoulder in the first minute His second worse injury after he almost died of embarrassment going after Alexander Isak

TP & TBD - Statler & Waldorf? CT - Fozzie Bear? Wykiki - Animal? Gemmill & The Fish - Dr Bunsen & Beaker?

I’d say Andrew is more like Kermit on the original Muppet Show. Desperately trying to keep the show on the track as we all smash the place up

Andrew at TTHQ Everyone else at TTHQ

While it’s difficult to have much sympathy for those who might be on the receiving end, I also think that if it was anything like as straightforward as it seems, it would’ve been done already. More worrying for me is the general trend of trying to appease all the people who are unlikely to ever vote for them anyway. Out of fear of Farage and Reform. And also taking everyone left leaning for granted. And not really getting to grips with anything. The mooted European deal being a case in point. I’d actually rather queue long at passport control, for example, as opposed to mollycoddling the people who voted leave and still don’t except the damage it’s doing and has done.

If Admiral Nelson had known his monument would be a favourite haunt of those fucking mutants he wouldn’t have bloody bothered winning at Trafalgar.

Listen, from what I've read, they were too busy policing the police who were stepping out of line and needed takking down a peg or two. They didn't have time for stuff like disposing of rubbish.

You’ll be blaming him for overlooking a RW next

The sacrifices Andrew makes for this place man Forum hero.

Well, make sure you're on the discord. Ive an alarm set for 4am monday morning (for me) so that I can check that we're up and running ok going into kick off time.