Howmanheyman

Seven and a half minutes in.......Genuinely amazed at an 'outsider' putting a cockney gobshite right and sticking up for us. Cockney gobshite starts off. http://talksport.com/radio/listen-again/1419933600# (Click on the 10.30-11.00 link when you get to the page or you'll have to listen to half an hour of shite)

"Stevie! Fancy a pint, mate? Stevie! Stevie! What the fuck are you drinking there? That's foul so it is!"

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/newcastle-united-players-shocked-alan-8359184 The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 29/12/2014 Wow, just wow, never any real quiet days round the monster that is Newcastle United football club and today it just got bigger and more explosive. Pards is leaving! Ah got a call from my nark, Remi Streete, he said I needed to get down to the Tyne Bridge ASAP! Ah nearly told him that ah'm unbanned now so would be frying bigger fish than Remi but my journalistic super senses kicked in like a late tackle from the Yorkshire terrier of the entertainer years, one Mr David Batty. Ah hang up on the Mag starlet and hotfoot it down to the Tyne Bridge quicker than Craig Bellamy did out the foyer of St. James' with big Al close behind, face contorted with anger. Ah gets closer and closer to the middle of the bridge and ah hears the soothing Geordie voice of Toon coach, John 'Carvs' Carver talking to a pair of slumped over players who were gently sobbing. Ah hides behind a girder and listened in, not gentlemanly conduct, not something Carvs old boss, Sir Bobby would condone, but you don't get the Trinity Mirror groups regional sportswriter of the year by being Mr Nice Guy. Ah hears Carvs say to one player who I won't name in print, "Hey iron man, divvent worry, man! Ah'l be bound to be in temporary charge forra while, you might still get a game, man, divvent fret, son." Willo replied, "I aint frettening nobody, Coach, I aint got it in me. I'm a good boy, so my old mum would say". Carvs just replies, "Nar, man! Not 'threat', Ah meant 'Fret', y'knaa, worry, like. Son, you're going to have to get used to talking English again now that Pards is fucking off." Wow!!! Pards is fucking off!!! unbelievable! No sooner is Ryder back in the fold then the King is dead! Ah had a feeling he'd be worried about me presence back in the press room but ah thought he'd show a bit more fight than that. Ah suppose ah kinda underestimate the powerful position ah have in the North-East media. Anyway, just as ah'm about to leave ah hear a French voice cry out, "But Coach John, a 'ave no chance of playing in ze team now. Oooo in their right mind will pick me? I do not score le goals, i do mark my players so well, I am in a bad moment and have been merde for fucking months, mon ami, I am finished! Finished I tell you!" before crying uncontrollably. Again Carvs soothing voice tried to calm down the distraught United star. "Gouffs, son. You'll play again, man, i'm sure you will. Don't let it get to you, man. Howay, let's head back home." Ah quickly legs it out the way and get back to Thompson House HQ before Carver spots iz, wouldn't want a dig off him, like. Fair enough, Ah'd take him, but he might be the next boss man of the Cathedral on the hill, never burn your bridges Ollie once said, that's as a good excuse as any. Ah gets back and break the news to ma loyal readers that'll blow them away and light the fuse on the blue touch paper of Geordie TNT! Ryder and out.

Aye but still, he's going up against the wall come the revolution.

Obviously won't say 'we was' like Pardew, obviously. Will say obviously more often than the cockney wanker, obviously. That's three.

He's not talking about Cisse to be honest, just slagging our fans, club etc.

You want to hear collymore now. What a fucking wanker this bloke is.

This would be as mad as us paying Blackburn for Souness.

Fans gather to offer Pardew a lift to Selhurst Park.

I've got Johnny Giles I'll remember more fondly than this fucker. Fanks for the memories, Pards!

"Ah think the new man has to be former Toon maestro, Lee 'Jigsaw' Clark, in a poll ah did earlier on outside The New Coach Inn, Cockeyed Mala said he was just the man we needed, Paul Mcdonald said could ah sub him a tenner and Betty asked if ah could pass her a beer mat over. Ah think that's a pretty conclusive vote of confidence for the Walker superstar."

Sherwood. One smarmy cockney cunt to another. It's Ashley's way.

He's out? Gone? IS IT OFFICIAL???

If you had to pick a football stadium where you'd see these selfie sticks..........

Getting rid of Pards would be a start, you just have to hope they stumble across someone better as I've no doubt they couldn't get a good manager by design.

I don't believe in anti-climaxes. But aye, I'll be stopping in.

If someone paid us to take Pardew off our hands then it would be right up there with Shepherd paying Blackburn to take Souness away from them.

http://www.croydonadvertiser.co.uk/Alan-Pardew-accept-Palace-offer-Newcastle-target/story-25775320-detail/story.html?

Funny, first I'd seen one was boxing day as well. Had pub meal with the family and saw a lass with one. Wife knew about them but I'd no idea till then. I wonder if Stevie got one?

Just to add that I always like hearing NJS take on things NUFC.

please, pretty please. Also noticed a royal fuck up the other day from our Forest loanee. Let's hope he's just getting it out of system before Pards shows him the way.

Which poster made you think the most and why? Going to go with HF as he bothers his arse to collate all the shit we know is happening but can't be arsed to categorise ourselves. Good shout about Aimaad as well and let's not forget Ken's postcards from down under and his whole take on the middle east/Shiraz problem. Which poster do you think would be good company for a pint? (that you haven't met already.) Hard to tell online sometime although it would be probably easier to say who you wouldn't want a pint with, can't say PadddockLad as I know him but anyone gets the chance to say hello to him at an away or whatever then I'd recommend that as he's a top bloke and great company, (I expect a tenner for that, Rob). Although there's loads on here I'd think would be good company I'd intrigued to see what Chez and Stevie are really like in real life. I reckon Fist is probably the most similar to me in age/married with kids etc circumstances to myself so I'd definitely steer well fucking clear of him. Which poster could start an argument in an empty house? Was reading the whole of the Lee Ryder thread the other day as recommended by the Ayotollah, (another good poster on here), and was pissing myself at the J69/Stevie/Ant argument, there's arguments with wums which don't count, and real arguments. I'd chuck in Gene as well as I once had a disagreement with him back in the mid-nineties in a fanzine, yes he was a worky fucka back then too! (but I like him). Overall good egg poster is...... Quite a few but I'm going to go with the lovely Cath and HF although again, PL did me a great favour in the championship year posting his ST up and he didn't really know me that well at the time, so him as well. Must try harder poster is...... It would be dead easy to say GoslingBeast so I will. Daddies cock is a just a young mackem knacker who doesn't know any better but I'm going to throw a spanner in the works and say Andrew could up his game a bit, decent enough kid, bright enough lad but only seems to post to correct people on something trivial or so it seems, (please, no requests to slog through the archives, it's just my perception and no, it doesn't mean I hate you, Andrew!) Trying too hard poster is........ And the winner is..........roll drums.............Fish hands down. Again, I'm going to ignore the usual knackers who are just wums. Fish is obviously a good kid, and he was trying to perk up interest on here at a quiet time but those questions were fucking relentless and he's definitely been contaminated by London football fans in a way others down there haven't. Which poster/s is missed? Would expect Gejon to be in this bit a fair bit but if I'm being honest I didn't really have much chat with him or must've missed the times when he was a main poster on here. Off the top of my head I'll go for the Grey man, MancMag or KSA. The kid from Taipei was inadvertently hilarious with his Triad/singapore girlfriend trouble. Ok, CT, you're a miss at times as well. Don't start blubbing, put the kleenex away, we still remember you! Which missing posters are no miss at all? Kevin the Kitten, the Norwegian steroid cross dresser and ASM. And that balloon from Poland Nick!!! Any highlights this year? The Ryder thread, no not just my stuff before you start!!! Everyone calling this bloke from early on as a bit of a knacker and having a laugh at his expense well before I got involved. Toontastic knows a whopper when it sees one. Any lowights? Losing Gejon and hearing about the seriousness of Stevie's condition. Put's the football into perspective and that has been an absolute abortion all year long. Most knowledgeable poster on NUFC? (There you are, Stevie) again there's loads on here, Craig when he posts, Alex, Stevie, Fist, Noelie, PaddockLad, Ayoltollah etc, loads on here but I sometimes think the older heads have the best memories/anecdotes for the nostalgic poster to read. Special mention to CT as well for all the times he trudged through the eighties and into the early nineties with Ossies Army. We salute your passion, CT!