Howmanheyman

Oh dear, fucking joke. Dummett that is. 1st game without Pardew and a goal from a corner. Wow.

Scored as the stream went down! Any good?

Great technique for the header.

Fucking passbacks to Alnwick need to stop, he's Burnley's main threat alongside Tiote.

We stepped in as we thought we were getting a bargain as the kid didn't want to return to the Ukraine with the trouble over there. We took a chance so we could turn a profit. Buy or loan low, save money buying a striker, he turns out good but not amazing we buy him, he turns out superb, someone else buys him when loan is up but we had a great player on the cheap for a few months. This time we got our fingers burnt. That's £1.6M off the transfer kitty for Jan or the summer window, Pardew fee incoming from Palace won't count of course, that'll be earmarked for next manager's wages over his contract. That's how it is in the World of Mike's Discount football Club.

CT will be desperate to turn up if he still reads Toontastic.

Might put a few extra on the gate if I show up. #attendances

Was going to say something about it actually but decided to not lower the tone. Would be 50/50 anyway as its the missus birthday night. Will make it if poss just to say hello.

I'd maybe show my face but it would have to be afternoon as I'm out for family birthday meal so couldn't be too late. Probably be getting back home for six o'clock. Would be interesting to put faces to names.

The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 30/12/2014 Don't know where to start with this entry, diary. Ah had a fucking mental day the day, what with King Pardew abdicating and doing a bit for Talksport with Georgie Bingham and Quinny. Ah had to promise to take the former number nine Toon hitman on a Leo Sayer next week when he was back on Tyneside for getting them to ring me and not Neil Cameron for the Newcastle journalist they wanted to talk to but it was worth it to get some national exposure plus some exposure to the very sexy sounding Miss Bingham, ah swear to God ah couldn't even concentrate on her questions, man without daydreaming of bending her ower! Anyways, ah gets to bed late after me busy schedule, then have a few late night drinks with a bit of cheese as ah had the munchies. Ah had this dream which started off fantastic. Ah was in a radio studio, just me and Georgie Bingham! Georgie said that the mighty Quinn was away from the studio and at the races and would ah like to have a go at her mighty Quimm instead? Obviously ah was ah'll over her like rash! Ah was like a babies arm holding an apple! But y'knaa how dreams are a bit surreal, like? Well Georgie looked like Halle Berry in my dream but with Georgie's voice! fucking super duper so far with nee complaints from the Ryder! Then after kissing and pulling away a bit, ah was just aboot to go down and grab a hold of the other mighty Quimm when ah noticed a bit of a bulge and her panties were fucking Y-Dogs!!!! Ah looks up and 'Halle Berry' had turned into Remi fucking Streete!!!!!! Ah woke up screaming!! It must be the pressure! It must have been the cheese, ah make a vow there and then to knock the late night cheese eating right on the fucking head!! Ah gets up, puts the lap top and look up dream meanings on google. Apparently dreams can be metaforr, meterferss, err, can mean something totally different to what they are so I'm not batting for the other side just yet, y'fuckers!!! Just to test it out ah hoy 'Babestation' on and ah feel stirrings in me undercarriage area and the Ryder snake started to make his presence known. Phew! Ah'm still not only a clear and present danger to the North-East world of football, but also to the female population home & away. Ah make a mental note to ask Quinny what Georgie looks like but after me dream, mebbees not, like. Laters.

Well we play some shit football under Pardew and stay up. There's one success story right there. What the fuck, sorry, fuck you want, man?

And two of them won cups as well the deluded fools!!!! They'll never learn, will they Salsaman7/CT/Lee Charnley?

For a club with such a good reputation in France, Le Froggie chairman don't seem to rate us as a club very much.

Are you CT? Are you CT? Are you CT in disguise? Are you C-hee T-hee in disguise? How many teams who finish 7th play shit football and are shit to watch? How many teams that finish seventh regularly get twatted by 3+ and always have a negative goal difference? Anyway, here's another little ditty for you...... You shall get a Fishy, On a little dishy, You shall get a Fishy, When the bite comes in.

Just seen our 1974 semi v Burnley linked on TF. Obviously seen the goals before but it's the first time I've seen the actual highlights. Must have been superb to be on the Kop at Hillsborough that day, brilliant atmosphere, the commentary is great as well for SuperMac's goals. Just go to the second half and enjoy.

Players react to the King's abdication. http://www.jibjab.com/view/qs0nJGWZRKedhM5aUPJuyA

Oh No! The petrol cap keeps swapping sides! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfItenkxgi0

Hmmmn........Might be the other way around if things go a little bit Brokeback Mountain. See how it goes.

Modern day fans need to just do as they're told. http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/newcastle-united-fans-fury-letter-8361431? No expense spared with the leaflet.

Seven and a half minutes in.......Genuinely amazed at an 'outsider' putting a cockney gobshite right and sticking up for us. Cockney gobshite starts off. http://talksport.com/radio/listen-again/1419933600# (Click on the 10.30-11.00 link when you get to the page or you'll have to listen to half an hour of shite)

"Stevie! Fancy a pint, mate? Stevie! Stevie! What the fuck are you drinking there? That's foul so it is!"

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/newcastle-united-players-shocked-alan-8359184 The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 29/12/2014 Wow, just wow, never any real quiet days round the monster that is Newcastle United football club and today it just got bigger and more explosive. Pards is leaving! Ah got a call from my nark, Remi Streete, he said I needed to get down to the Tyne Bridge ASAP! Ah nearly told him that ah'm unbanned now so would be frying bigger fish than Remi but my journalistic super senses kicked in like a late tackle from the Yorkshire terrier of the entertainer years, one Mr David Batty. Ah hang up on the Mag starlet and hotfoot it down to the Tyne Bridge quicker than Craig Bellamy did out the foyer of St. James' with big Al close behind, face contorted with anger. Ah gets closer and closer to the middle of the bridge and ah hears the soothing Geordie voice of Toon coach, John 'Carvs' Carver talking to a pair of slumped over players who were gently sobbing. Ah hides behind a girder and listened in, not gentlemanly conduct, not something Carvs old boss, Sir Bobby would condone, but you don't get the Trinity Mirror groups regional sportswriter of the year by being Mr Nice Guy. Ah hears Carvs say to one player who I won't name in print, "Hey iron man, divvent worry, man! Ah'l be bound to be in temporary charge forra while, you might still get a game, man, divvent fret, son." Willo replied, "I aint frettening nobody, Coach, I aint got it in me. I'm a good boy, so my old mum would say". Carvs just replies, "Nar, man! Not 'threat', Ah meant 'Fret', y'knaa, worry, like. Son, you're going to have to get used to talking English again now that Pards is fucking off." Wow!!! Pards is fucking off!!! unbelievable! No sooner is Ryder back in the fold then the King is dead! Ah had a feeling he'd be worried about me presence back in the press room but ah thought he'd show a bit more fight than that. Ah suppose ah kinda underestimate the powerful position ah have in the North-East media. Anyway, just as ah'm about to leave ah hear a French voice cry out, "But Coach John, a 'ave no chance of playing in ze team now. Oooo in their right mind will pick me? I do not score le goals, i do mark my players so well, I am in a bad moment and have been merde for fucking months, mon ami, I am finished! Finished I tell you!" before crying uncontrollably. Again Carvs soothing voice tried to calm down the distraught United star. "Gouffs, son. You'll play again, man, i'm sure you will. Don't let it get to you, man. Howay, let's head back home." Ah quickly legs it out the way and get back to Thompson House HQ before Carver spots iz, wouldn't want a dig off him, like. Fair enough, Ah'd take him, but he might be the next boss man of the Cathedral on the hill, never burn your bridges Ollie once said, that's as a good excuse as any. Ah gets back and break the news to ma loyal readers that'll blow them away and light the fuse on the blue touch paper of Geordie TNT! Ryder and out.

Aye but still, he's going up against the wall come the revolution.

Obviously won't say 'we was' like Pardew, obviously. Will say obviously more often than the cockney wanker, obviously. That's three.