Jimbo

WHEN Kevin Keegan was appointed Newcastle manager at the start of the year, his boss Mike Ashley said: “This is the man to make this club great again.” Excuse me? Again? Because I can’t remember the first time they were ever great — and I’m pushing 70. I hazily recall them winning the FA Cup with Jackie Milburn in 1951 when I was still a boy in short trousers. But since then? Bugger all. This whole idea of the North-East being a so-called soccer hot-bed is a complete myth. The combined achievements of Newcastle, Sunderland and Middlesbrough don’t even begin to compare to Manchester, Merseyside or London. So why everyone got quite so excited when Keegan returned to St James’ Park was simply beyond me. Unlucky Allardyce It was blindingly obvious that it was never going to work out. Newcastle panicked when they sacked Sam Allardyce and now they are paying the consequences because things have gone from bad to worse ever since Keegan took his place at the helm. Without a win in nine games under the man they like to call the Geordie Messiah, they have got to end that miserable run at home against Fulham today or they’ll be right in the brown stuff. Considering that Fulham haven’t won away in the league for more than two years, Newcastle could not have picked more beatable opponents today. Fulham have worked wonders to survive in the Premier League for so long but it looks as though their luck is about to run out. Newcastle will probably do just about enough to stay up — even if they don’t deserve it. But please don’t kid yourselves that things will be any better next season if Keegan is still in charge. Because they won’t. By the way, now that Northern Rock has become a nationalised company, does that mean us taxpayers are footing the bill for the sponsors’ logo on the front of the Newcastle shirts? If so, I’d like my money back. Now.

Ass to Mouth 3

I said that when you lot bought Owen! and we said that when you bought Dirk Kuyt.......

I think the first goal will be massively important tomorrow.

Hicks on Leary: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."

Aye Flavio Briatore.

and a couple of billionaires.

Gosh. It's almost like the authorities got something right for once. Spikes on the wheels next, I tell thee.

I keep getting "connection interrupted" errors today.

Rumours last week that they wanted Carr too !

My thoughts too, thought the end was shite.

Adrian Durham in any modern dictionary There's no need for that kind of talk !

Liverpool, most of the fans I know don't know the meaning of the word banter.

Rene Adler of Bayer Leverkusen looks a good prospect

Fuck off Penny Crayon You won't be laughing when I rub your feet out in the middle of a game. Fucking spell coming your way young lady.... Perhaps we could have a team of lookalikes Potter, Crayon, Mitchell, for starters, we just need a couple more

In the hands of the gods the true story of five young British street kids as they go on a journey across the Americas to Argentina in the hope of meeting their hero, Diego Maradona. The kids use their football freestyle skills to busk across countries where handouts don't come easy, impressing the crowds to survive. It's a journey that tests the limits of their friendship, talent and guts as they fight to meet their lifelong hero. Enjoyable !

Keegan: "There were some really good performances in Newcastle shirts. I thought Geremi was outstanding and Nicky Butt and Joey Barton in midfield gave us a bit of an engine room. "They all put in a shift and if they keep doing that we will be all right."

Sounds like someone wants a new contract

People seem to be casting their nets far and wide in search of these fishy quips. I'll let you off the hook for that one...

I don't know where people are trawling these gags up from......

He finally fell of his Perch.

Jesus wants him for a sun-bream......

He'd be peased off that his we are mocking his death.

This development is unlikely to affect us for sometime....