snakehips

All I am saying.... ...is give us a goal! No, no, all I am saying..... ....is my wife's brother-in-law is a pilot. And that's no lie btw.

e-mails, e-mails, e-mails. So the cheese reports weren't exactly full of holes after all? e-mails. Johan Cruyff.

tbh Tiddie Monday When will it fall this year??? Ah, Tit Monday. It's not that far off now, that glorious day when, heading into work on the bus, or walking to the Tube, or sitting on the train, you find yourself suddenly chirpier than you have been in months. You find yourself smiling at strangers again. There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers that comes and goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat. And then you get a text around lunchtime from a mate which says: "At last, Tit Monday!" And you instantly understand why you are so happy. For Tit Monday is that special day in the year when, for the first time, the temperature rises above that magical point which causes girls getting dressed in the morning to decide to show a bit of skin. After months of dull colours and chunky knit, the world's birds suddenly dive into last summer's wardrobe (they've not had chance to buy this season's stuff) and chuck it on without a thought. Your urban landscape is suddenly lightened with acres of naked arm and leg and, after many dark months of burrowing, breasts rising to the surface like moles at dusk. Big breasts in white work shirts straining at the buttons. Small breasts braless in vest tops, the nipples frotted by ribby fabrics. Breasts in summer dresses bouncing in the distance so that they catch your eye before you even notice there is someone wearing them. Breasts nudging out from the crowd at traffic islands, quivering to cross the road... And you know it is nearly summer. For previous generations, the arrival of spring was heralded by the sound of the first cuckoo. For us, it is Tit Monday. Not that it always falls on a Monday. Like Easter, Tit Monday is a moveable feast. Last year it fell on a Friday. Friday 29 April, to be precise, when temperatures maxed out at 22.1C after nothing much above 16C all year. It last fell on a Monday in 2004, when temperatures leapt to 22C on 24 April. And then, of course, there is Tit Monday Night. You see, in early summer, temperatures drop off very dramatically when night falls (Tit Friday 2005 dropped away to a parky 11.8C). But the dollies are not prepared. Slightly stunned by the morning heat, they drag out the summer clothes but forget to bring a cardie (a mistake they will not make again until next year), so that when they're all standing outside All Bar One after work celebrating the arrival of spring, their barely covered nipples have no protection from the cold. It's like a bring-and-buy sale where everyone has brought hat pegs. It's like a prog-rock gig where, instead of lighters, everyone is holding up nipples. So when will Tit Monday fall this year? Will you be the first to text your mates with the announcement? Do not shoot your bolt too early. There will be false starts. You will smell fresh cut grass and see a couple of early starters and feel compelled to declare Tit Monday. But your more level-headed friends will tell you to hold your horses, keep your powder dry, don't fire until you see the whites of their bra straps. As the poet said: one bold Northern slapper in a bikini doth not a Summer make. 119770[/snapback] Spring/Summer -- luv it!

HBTY, HBTY, HBDL, HBTY

Please remove that fuckin' picture! (insert barfing smilie) Sitting here eating my breakfast - a banana!!!

Wernt those last words 'I can see my house from here' 119681[/snapback] No! He actually said, 'Hey, Peter write this down; we can start a monumental world-wide piss-take with some wierd and wonderful stories'

ohhhh thats it! we let this thread close and start a special new one for registered members to see who can do the most spectacular thing using his address/ phone number/ picture. 119680[/snapback] Well, this has to close at some point. And being 'special' (I do hope you don't mean 'touched' ) maybe I could have the last word? That seems the best idea - have a thread where we come up with the best way to sicken the trog? Word.

Oui oui, monsieur Poirot

Bewildered by the female aversion to the c word. Mrs hips loathes it as well. Anyway, maybe that scrote's address and mobile number should be posted somewhere. An advert in the Sunlun Echo for example?? Looking for love, cat, cooker etc???

Nar, snakehips is still numero uno on my screen Just the way it should be

Does everybody's username go to the front of the list of members on-line, or is it just because I'm, well, special that mine is always at the front when I look 'down there' ????

Amen to that brother. God was surely an Indian FACTACHICKENKORMALICIOUS

Good Friday because J.C. took all the sins of all the people with him when he died. Which was canny good of him really, when you think about it. I mean, being a Friday, it meant everyone had a clean slate and could then go on a complete weekend of drink and shagging

Dunno where you obtained those pics from, but now you all know why they call me Snakehips!

Surely most NUFC fans secretly think that we could go on a great run now and hope upon hope that we can get close to qualifying for the UeFA cup through league placing. A long shot, but one that is tantalising. Cue Wigan to spoil the party!

I think you are right Alex. I'm fairly sure though (99%) that the eating of meat was 'okayed' by the catholic church, if not by the pontiff himself, a long time ago. btw, what type of fuckin' word is pontiff FFS

Whose your fatha like? Lembit fucking Opik? 119209[/snapback] He's married to that hag weather lass, isn't he? Can't remember her name, the one that looks like a wide-mouthed frog.

It'll be Shearer. 119142[/snapback] True, no doubt the boss will say it's for sentimental reasons which will be bollocks considering we've paid 25 quid to see Shearer in his own match for "sentimental reasons". 119195[/snapback] It will be interesting to see how much Shearer plays on Satda, as he can hardly manage one game a week let alone two games in two days. If he plays most of the game against Wigan he will be absolutely shagged on Monday against the riff-raff. Once again, the mackems get a leveller against us. If it's not heavy rain, it's tiredness.

Even for a veggie, that's bland tbh. 119132[/snapback] Well, you're the expert 119140[/snapback] Mods, Alex is being a bitch to me again. Have a word please. Anyway, I admit cheese and pickle is beaten by snakehips's banana effort in the bland stakes. And the pure unpleasent stakes. Btw, the 85 quid sandwich has 2100 calories in it, so will be perfect for Gemmill (allegedly). 119144[/snapback] Botter

Regarding the number of games he's played, how many were on the left wing??? Surely this makes his return even better Sherla for Engerlund.

It's a shame then that pretty much no one outside of Newcastle thinks that it's a tempting proposition. A chairman of questionable integrity and motivation, an expectant crowd, who will turn on the manager when things go wrong are hardly tempting. From an outsiders perspective, three out of four of the managers since Keegan have been driven out by the fans. Not that many people in Europe actually give a shit about Newcastle. Have Newcastle had Beckham, Rooney, Henry, Gerrard, Abramovich etc in the recent years? No one gives a fuck man. 119032[/snapback] I never claimed that people elsewhere give a fuck about NUFC. I will claim to know that a lot of people around the world know about NUFC, which proves that the club is not so insignificant. You make some valid arguments about the reputation of the Chairman and managers being forced out by the fans, but any person in the football 'know' would be aware of the spending power, the salary its manager gets and the crowd numbers of NUFC to make it a mouthwatering prospect. The point I was making was that anyone in the football world - with some sort of personal ambition - must surely be tempted at the prospect of managing NUFC given the potential the club has? I'm attempting to put this argument in a non-NUFC-tinted-glasses perspective, but one that an outsider within football might.

Have to go, but are we absolutely sure that RonanMagsFan isn't giving us one hell of a wind-up???

Don't listen to him RonanMagsFan, keep all your thoughts and comments in the open. I'm sure I can send something off to the Education Secretary for evidence that the education system is failing pre-teenagers.

I once 'knew' a lass in Cardiff. btw, how old are you??

I am a bit concerned here. I can't believe you are that thick to think you have corrected your post. Hmmmmmmmmmmm