Happy Face

Why doesn't stevie drink tea? Cos he doesn't like the mugs. What does Leazes feed his dogs? Chum

I remember how happy I was when i was little and came up with a joke... Why was Batman's sidekick arrested? Cos he was robin' Missed a vocation in producing cracker content tbh.

Nah. Tuesday. @mf Sent from my HTC Desire HD A9191 using Tapatalk 2

Fyp

Would be a young age for Carroll to have 2 relegations under his belt. Sent from my HTC Desire HD A9191 using Tapatalk 2

Should have killed this off before they can compose themselves at half time. Sent from my HTC Desire HD A9191 using Tapatalk 2

I hope you tell this real granny it's not nice then, and if she says it's her right, tell her it's your right to call her a cunt, not to her face though, obviously. You'll just refer to her as "the cunt" to all your non-cunt associates.

Cultural integration by them towards us only though........they still have to expect to be called "nig-nog" and scowled at by grannies and CT with his little bit of racism.

...and calling each other nig-nog and such, which is fine.

Too much fuss made of the every day variety you said. with extremists on either side where the attention should be. Suggesting a bell curve where the majority of racism is in the middle and that's good racism. but on the the fringe there are bad racists who give good racists - who just call black people "nig-nog" and want them out of the country - a bad name. Why are you transferring your opinion onto an imaginary old woman anyway you daft racist? That old woman would die soon, and with her and her generation would die offensive notions of black people not belonging in her society......except for young whipper snappers like you that wholeheartedly endorse the opinion and the right to express it in polite company.

The extremists are the minority that can be ignored. It's only if the majority engage in every day racism that society needs to take a look at itself. You're the problem CT. You!

I credit card shuffle like a mo-fo. Not paid any interest in years. Season Tickets are interest free with Barclaycard with no time limit. I've been using that beauty for over 10 years now. My last 16 month interest free on Santander Zero paid for an engagement ring but ends on the 31st so I've just got the Tesco deal which is another 16 months....that'll cover the honeymoon interest free. You just have to be strict. Know when the deeal runs out, set up a monthly Direct Debit for enough to cover it, and pay it back like a loan without spending any more on it. Monthly spendiong should go on another card you pay in full each month to avoid any interest accruing in the first place. The Santander 123 cards are mint too by the way. 1, 2 & 3 % cashback on all your utility bills, council tax, mobile phone etc when you pay by direct debit 1, 2 & 3 % cashback on all your shopping, petrol, pubs and restaurants when you pay by credit card. I tend to find it pays back much more than the average points based cards.

If you're not KSA, you'll do. Have a go on the "what do you sound like?" thread please

Having watched it you might be interested in Raising Kane by Pauline Kael... http://www.paulrossen.com/paulinekael/raisingkane.html She basically says "Screw Orson Welles, Gregg Toland was DA MAN!!"

A little Bit of Heaven A grotesque, evil, wretched, puss ridden, disgrace of a film about a slag, being a complete cath-word to her mates and family as she dies from arse cancer. I was glad she died but disappointed in her nearest and dearest for making it easy on her as she popped her self-centred, inconsiderate clogs. Contains hideous scenes of Whoopi Goldberg as god (which she did much better in The Muppets years before), gay best friends dancing, spirits dancing at a party funeral and cringeworthy drunk acting on a bike. It's in poorer taste than you could possibly imagine a feel good cancer rom-com would be. The Goonies Mary Poppins is the greatest family film there ever was, but once the little ones are a bit older, and can take the odd "shit" here and there, this is as good as family viewing gets. Was at a christening on Sunday and supposed to go out in Newcastle after, but we dodged that and turned all the lights off, got a blanket out and watched it from start to finish instead. Much better. "That's what I said! Booby Traps!"

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-19395010 Needs a Jawa photoshopped in the distance.

It'll be mint. My next (and first) book is going to be a list of 832 films to see between the ages of 5 and 21. 1 per week for 16 years. Basically has every Pixar & Disney film in year 1.

Looks like a girls film to me. Mam clearly wants to see it more than boy.

Modric to Madrid for £30m and.... The agreement will see the two clubs working together in respect of players, coaching and commercial relationships. Spurs get to pay the wages of Madrid rejects and sell them all their best players?

It's not one or the other is it? Perhaps away from home, against the European champions, it's reasonable to expect Ben Arfa to help alleviate the opposition attack, and be there as an option for Simpson, so he's not caught in possession too awfully.

As you agreed in the post I quoted, no, Danny Simpson is not good enough to keep Eden Hazard in his pocket.

I find your lack of faith in Simpson... Simpson sort your life out. Im not even gonna bother. ...and your insistence HBA shouldn't ever be found in our own half to be contradictory and unsatisfactory. Pardew would be hammered if he left an entire flank so exposed by giving HBA free reign.

...or its easier there?

Hazard has scored or assisted 6 of their goals in 3 games. Ben arfa's won one penalty and converted it. No reason for the press to dismiss hazard and gush over hba.

ASTRONAUTS do not like to be called heroes. Their standard riposte to such accusations is to point out that it requires the efforts of hundreds of thousands of backroom engineers, mathematicians and technicians to make space flight possible. They are right, too: at the height of its pomp, in 1966, NASA was spending about 4.4% of the American government’s entire budget, employing something like 400,000 workers among the agency and its contractors. But it never works. For Neil Armstrong, who commanded Apollo 11, the mission that landed men on the moon on July 20th 1969, the struggle against heroism seemed particularly futile. The achievement of his crew, relayed live on television, held the entire planet spellbound. On their return to Earth, the astronauts were mobbed. Presidents, prime ministers and kings jostled to be seen with them. Schools, buildings and roads were named after them. Medals were showered upon them. A whirlwind post-flight tour took them to 25 countries in 35 days. As the first man to walk on another world, Armstrong received the lion’s share of the adulation. All the while, he quietly insisted that the popular image of the hard-charging astronaut braving mortal danger the way other men might brave a trip to the dentist was exaggerated. “For heaven’s sake, I loathe danger,” he told one interviewer before his fateful flight. Done properly, he opined, spaceflight ought to be no more dangerous than mixing a milkshake. Indeed, the popular image of the “right stuff” possessed by the astronaut corps—the bravery, the competitiveness, the swaggering machismo—was never the full story. The symbol of the test-pilot school at Edwards Air Force Base in the Mojave desert, where Armstrong spent years testing military jets, is a slide rule over a stylised fighter jet. In an address to America’s National Press Club in 2000, Armstrong offered the following self-portrait: “I am, and ever will be, a white-socks, pocket-protector, nerdy engineer, born under the second law of thermodynamics, steeped in steam tables, in love with free-body diagrams, transformed by Laplace and propelled by compressible flow.” He had an engineer’s reserve, mixed with a natural shyness. Even among the other astronauts, not renowned for their excitability, Armstrong was known as the “Ice Commander”. Mike Collins, one of Armstrong’s crew-mates on the historic moon mission, liked his commander but mused that “Neil never transmits anything but the surface layer, and that only sparingly.” In one famous incident, Armstrong lost control of an unwieldy contraption nicknamed the “Flying Bedstead” that was designed to help astronauts train for the lunar landing. Ejecting only seconds before his craft hit the ground and exploded, Armstrong dusted himself off and coolly went back to his office for the rest of the day, presumably to finish up some paperwork. That unflappability served him well during the lunar landing. The original landing area turned out to be full of large boulders, and so Armstrong had to take control from his spacecraft’s primitive computer and skim across the lunar surface by hand, looking for somewhere suitable to set down. By the time he found his spot, there was only 25 seconds of fuel left in the tanks. It served him well back on Earth, too. The astronauts knew from the experiences of their predecessors on the Mercury and Gemini flights that their trip would transform them into celebrities. But theirs was the biggest achievement yet, and none were prepared for the adulation that awaited them. Puzzlingly for the pragmatic spacemen, their trip to the moon seemed to have elevated them to the status of oracles, and people pressed them for their thoughts on everything from religion to the future of the human species and the chances for world peace. Unlike some of his fellow astronauts (two of whom became senators), Armstrong chose a comparatively quiet retirement, teaching engineering at the University of Cincinnati. He returned to NASA twice, both times to serve on boards of enquiry, the first into the near-disaster of Apollo 13, and the second into the disintegration of the space shuttle Challenger in 1986. He spent his final years on his farm in rural Ohio, flying gliders in his spare time (it was, said the supposedly emotionless engineer, the closest humans could come to being birds). For all mankind Half a century after the event, with the deaths of many of its participants, the Apollo project is beginning to fade from living memory and pass into the history books. It was one of the mightiest achievements of the potent combination of big government and big science; in many ways the apotheosis of the post-war American political consensus. Viewed from an age in which America’s government aspires to smallness and in which grand projects are regarded with suspicion, it seems more alien with every passing year. Nevertheless, it is one of the few events of the 20th century that stands any chance of being widely remembered in the 30th. Despite its origins in Cold War paranoia and nationalist rivalry, Mike Collins recalls in interviews a brief moment of global unity: “People, instead of saying ‘you Americans did it’, they said ‘we—people—did it’. I thought that was a wonderful thing. Ephemeral, but wonderful.” Perhaps the most unexpected consequence of the moon flights was a transformation of attitudes towards Earth itself. Space was indeed beautiful, but it was beauty of a severe, geometrical sort. Planets and stars swept through the cosmos in obedience to Isaac Newton’s mathematical clockwork, a spectacle more likely to inspire awe than love. Earth was a magnificent contrast, a jewel hung in utter darkness, an exuberant riot of chaos and life in a haunting, abyssal emptiness. The sight had a profound effect on the astronauts, and photos of the whole Earth, which had never been seen before, nourished the nascent green movement. As for the man himself, his reserve was not limitless. One of the most famous photos of Armstrong shows the Ice Commander in the Lunar Module after he and Buzz Aldrin had completed their historic walk on the moon’s surface. He is dressed in his space-suit, sports a three-day beard and is clearly exhausted. And on his face is plastered a grin of purest exhilaration. http://www.economist.com/blogs/babbage/2012/08/obituary?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter Good job.