Ayatollah Hermione

The Count of Monte Cristo. Very good, obviously.

Because it's going up against THE MAN MOVIE FOR MEN in The Expendables.

They're the new adjectives.

Well, you potter around in the sky somewhere then come back whenever you want to scare the shite out of people. Sounds pretty fun, especially if you get to meet Hendrix.

That's more like it, Kev. Next up, you need to get some expensive whiskey, some expensive drugs and have a proper night since you've got to die of something.

The one for Sinners is class as well. Basically, avoid these sorts of places like the plague.

Willamson/Campbell is a decent defensive pairing IMO. Not the quickest like but their reading of the game should make up for it a bit.

10 pinter on top of a 3 bagger tbh.

If he spends it like he did here, it'll not make much difference anyway.

As far as I know, aye but there's still a load of scaffolding up. It's a Head of Steam pub now though so make of that what you will. So's Tilley's It was open while they were doing the outside, then it shut to do the inside but there's nowt on the website and I don't want to look like a plum again by trying to go there for a drink when it's shut. Should be cracking when it's done like as the building is quality. Touche Ah right, I couldn't tell you then. I pass it on the bus into town whenever I go so I'll let you know to save any embarrassment

As far as I know, aye but there's still a load of scaffolding up. It's a Head of Steam pub now though so make of that what you will.

Tilleys is a decent pub IMO.

I meant the fat bastards we've got playing for us. Right bunch of kebab-chomping reprobates.

"Why would he lie?" is not science, Kevin.

All true (except the dip in the pitch, we've had that levelled out in close season)- but I guarantee any Newcastle fans who make the trip will enjoy going back to basics' at our ground, there'll be a fantastic atmosphere, whether we win, lose or draw the game. It's also true the Fulham players refused to use our changing facilities & hope that doesn't happen with your lot (although Sol Campbell may have a little trouble fitting in our tiny away dressing room ) - just think of it as a new experience & don't expect too much in the way of facilities - that way you won't be disappointed Looking at some of our lot, they'll love the pizza delivery. I think it'll be a canny game but I imagine the likes of Vuckic and Tavernier will get run-outs.

Last article specifically mentions a loan with option to buy at the end of the season. Good stuff; it's a signing we need.

Ben Arfa would improve that team tenfold. Some movement and creativity in midfield is desperately needed.

BRING THE SCIENCE, KEVIN. BRING IT

He was the definite MOM like. Sky's inability to deal in anything other than extremes is what we're all ridiculing though.

Now, Sir Alex, which brandy will you be drinking this evening?

Saved themselves with Karl Pilkington's travel show though. Karl Pilkington in charge of the football coverage would probably save it.

Its called a mirror I don't believe in ghosts, no. My wife does but then she is highly strung with an overactive imagination. * Fuck, I hope she doesn't see this * I'm in the same. She believes in all measures of superstitious shite and then complains that I'm too cynical. Daft cow. *If she sees this, I love you really but that bang was the pipes, not some dead Victorian plumber coming to say hello*

he's not really a pleasure to watch since he looks like a giant fucking nik nak.

Now all we need is "Kammy" popping up to spout a cheeky "It's unbelieveable" and we've completed the Sky circle of nauseating shite.

He's got a head like a shit potato. These two are fucking ridiculous with their patter though. Here he goes like a fucking granddad on a laptop. Now fucking Scholes doing an impression of the gay kid off shameless. Now, imagine if Rooney had played well.