Ayatollah Hermione

Heard from a few sources that he was an absolute arsehole so RIP and all that

A transfer window that’s never existed and is only open when most players and club officials are on holiday but aye, it’s a problem that we haven’t signed in it They’re thick as fuck, those two

Just passed lunchtime on a Monday and they’re out with two belters already. Sets you up nicely for the working week, it does

Good luck to them for signing anyone on the cheap after that

Jordan too. The standard is very high already

Five at the back and a geriatric Henderson against Andorra. Is Southgate back?

Pedro and Elanga would be pretty tremendous but if we got those, my natural reaction is to assume we’re losing someone important

Another enquiry made for Elanga according to Hope. I think he’d be a very good signing and is tailor made for an Eddie Howe team but in a PSR world, I question the wisdom of paying £50 million for him. I felt the same with Guehi for £65 million last year too. Seems ridiculous to complain about PSR headroom every year and exclusively shop in the most expensive market

How the fuck are we still bumping up against this ffs? Can this crack commercial team not come up with something other than “make the fans pay for more shirts” and make us some proper money?

Trump needs to have Musk killed as a lesson to any other edgy tech bros who have big ideas about running things. And then he can back to work to killing himself

The official accounts from the club have been desperately trying to make this into a big deal We’re absolutely starved for a proper signing like

Benign brain tumour! Christ, I wish I’d never tried to help. Some people honestly

It was a benign tumour IIRC. Not sure where it was but could well have been the temporal lobe. Wasn’t trying to put the shits up with you with the brain surgery crack That was very much last resort. Fingers crossed it’s just some kind of X-Men style mutation

@Howmanheyman That all sounds exactly like what my mate had and it was focal seizures due to epilepsy. Needed some pretty strong medication but he could manage it for a while. He did need brain surgery, like but he was awake throughout and was back out of hospital the next day so if you’re not a fanny, you’ll be fine

Mind, starting the transfer window early can’t be good for some people’s health 3 days in and some people I’m seeing seem to think it’s ending tonight. And if people are going to read every link that Chelsea have, it’ll be a long summer. They want to sign fucking everyone, man. They’re just a player churn factory

The more I think about the RW, if McAtee is available from Man City, I could see us going for him. Can play RW but could also sit in the midfield three and thread some passes about in a way that others can’t

Forgot about his Osula one

That last screenshot They’re a fanbase who spent a 10 page thread inventing stories about how every football fan in London bent over backwards to fellate them last week but we’re the needy ones

Once went into a Chinese on Low Fell after a Friday night skinful. Asked for curry and chips and, to this day, I have no idea what they gave me but it wasn’t curry. It had the colour and consistency of a baby’s sick and had a taste equivalent to a baby’s shite. It was that bad and toxic, I had to have about 4/5 mouthfuls just to try and figure out what I had received. The place shut about 3 weeks later and it had to be on the health inspectors command

Must admit, as soon as I seen those links to Garcia, it all felt like agent talk to extract more money out of Barca. It’s been an open secret that we’re getting Trafford for about a year

We scored some crackers this season tbf but Burn’s takes it for me. The context of it all, setting us on our way in the final and the fact I went crackers celebrating it. Lovely

Runs like he’s in claymation as well

He’s been fucking shambolic the whole second half. We give Wilson stick but he’d look like Batistuta on this pitch

Had a feeling they were going to do it after the way they won the semi-final tbh. They’re going to need the greatest transfer window of all time to even stand a chance

Sunderland so jammy that two Sheffield United players have clashed heads just to completely kill their own momentum