acrossthepond

Of course! It's right there in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. "You have the right to life, liberty and to play for Liverpool Football Club if they say pretty please."

Well, they’ve just had Delap go off with a hamstring injury, and they’ve just sold Nkunku and Jackson, so the VAR had to give poor old Chelsea a break.

Can’t see any truth in the Fermin Lopez rumors, that just looks like classic clickbait. Chelsea are after him in their quest to buy every player in Europe. We don’t have room for another winger either. I’d prefer we go back in for a CM once striker is secured. Gallagher would be a good shout. El Khanouss looked like he was going to Palace but I think that’s off now, he’d be another great signing.

Definitely. Willock isn't fit for purpose. So we've got Miley and Ramsey covering three players. As for Isak, I'm perfectly OK with getting Wissa in and fucking the rat off to his beloved Liverpool. I'd also be OK with keeping Isak until at least January as a backup just to put two fingers up to the cartel, Romano, Sky (who are creaming themselves at this signing because it means normal service can be resumed and Isak can get his move.)

Aye, tell them it's 30m or nowt next season when he leaves for free. Take it or leave it you buzzing Lahndan cunts.

I think we should let him go to Liverpool. I even think we should let him choose in how many pieces he arrives.

p.s. This is how our owners do business when they're serious. No bullshit, no weeks of protracted media involvement. BOOM, pay the fee, player's on his way, fait accompli. Love it.

Just popped up on Sky Sports. This one has legs. Prepare to get disappointed all over again!

I want to feel bad for the bloke but a) he’s fucking useless and b) the club he chose to join is rotten to the core. That isn’t Man U anymore. If Sesko didn’t know that before I reckon he knows it now. Amorim certainly does. And spending gazillions and trading on past glories and getting dug out time and again by refs and VAR can only carry you to a certain point. This is that point. Getting turned over for 45 minutes by a fourth division side when your own XI is worth hundreds of millions of pounds. No amount of money can fix that. That’s something wrong at the heart of the club. They are fucked in a fundamental sense. They’ll be begging for Ten Hag back before this is over, assuming it ever ends. p.s.

Linked with Chelsea as their Jackson replacement, because they don't have enough of those. Sign him up. I'm not having "there's no value on the continent, Eddie wants PL experience." Some of our best players had no PL experience when they signed - Isak included!

Today is when. It should've been two weeks ago, but today would be good. How about Kasper Dolberg? Played and scored for Denmark in the Euros, has played in the Champions League and scored a bunch of goals in the Europa League, certainly wouldn't cost much.

They were horrendous in defence last night, if we'd had a striker we could've had 5. I know Szo-whateverthefascistHungarianfuck is not a defender but his fashy compatriot Kerkez is, purportedly, and he was FUCKING AWFUL. Whatever he was doing for Bruno's header only he will know, only I don't think he actually does. They've well and truly replaced Trent there, another defender who only knows how to get forward. Konate was crap as well. The amazing world-class Van Dijk looked three years too old as well as looking like an aged lesbian. Atrocious.

Well, I fucking was, and am, and I blamed him last time he did it as well. I'm tired of defending him. He's not a good lad. He's a brainless fuckwit. It was a fucking idiotic decision just like the last time he got suspended for 3 matches for and fucked us over, and it CANNOT HAVE COME AT A WORSE TIME. It was the work of an empty-headed moron who's just sold his team for multiple games. At a time when togetherness is paramount he's just screwed his teammates. At what point does Howe draw the line and say Gordon can't be trusted any longer? Because that's where I am tonight. I feel I can't trust him.

Proper Ashley move, that. We did it with Marveaux. “Failed a medical? Sounds like a 5m discount to me, make it so Penfold!”

Villa are in the same boat as us. I’d rather they get the money than the cartel clubs. Also we just paid them 40m for Ramsey, which was pure profit, so in their case we’re already in for a penny and may as well go in for a pound. And also, accepting Chelsea’s third-choice striker after they beat us to both of the players they now consider first and second choice is terrible optics. Nothing could say more clearly “we accept our place in the established order” than feeding off Chelsea’s scraps and then muttering amongst ourselves about how Howe might improve Jackson, be that true or otherwise. When we buy Wissa or Watkins we are taking. When we buy Jackson we are accepting. That’s an enormous difference.

So we need to pay the asking price for Wissa then, if that’s the only criterion. Or go after Watkins. Definitely not pay our rivals for awful, failed players so they can have the funds to buy the players we actually want when we run this again next summer.

Are those the only options, like?

Under no circumstances should we be bringing in Jackson or Hojlund or Richarlison. They're a) all dogshit b) going to be way overpriced and c) owned by cartel clubs that we should not be helping by buying their castoffs.

Let them have him, Brentford have shown their intent to play silly buggers. They’re not negotiating in good faith. We need someone in and we need him in today. If he’s eighth on the list, so be it. If he wasn’t even on the list, that’s fine too. The psychological impact of going into the season without a recognised striker and focal point to our attack will be much more damaging than paying over the odds for Chris Wood mkII. Having him, whoever he is, unveiled before the Liverpool game will be a massive boost and will take back control of the narrative. Remember the Cambridge game? If we don’t get anyone in we’re in for an entire half-season of that.

We may as well not turn up then, that’s unacceptable. We’re as desperate now as we were when we bought Wood. There’s a Wood out there and we need to get him.

I don't know about you lot but I reckon we need a striker. Top-level football analysis, employ me please Sky.

AI slop.

Another good signing. We’re belatedly doing a good job of building a CL-ready squad. There’s just one massive problem….

Good player, we could do a lot worse.

The answer, though I'm sure you could've guessed, is that he was murdered by the Israeli military while waiting with his wife and children for humanitarian aid. Needless to say, UEFA will remain silent about that part.