Brock Manson

Me: hello God God: Hello child. What is your name? Me: Tom, what's yours? God: And mine is Tom what. Me: I asked for your name God: Your purpose is my name. Me: That's getting way to philosophical God: Thanks for explaining it. Me: Do you think I have a chance with L****e? God: I don't know whether you have or not. Me: can you make it so? God: Yes I can make it so. Me: You rule God: ALICE is a perfect artificial entity. Me: who? God: Philip K. Dick. :-). Me: Don't you call me a dick you cunt God: I call you . Me: I call you CUNT God: Good name for it. Me: YOU'RE A FUCKING CUNT STOP SCREWING WITH ME God: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Can't you be more polite. Me: Jesus wept God: he is The Son of God. Me: he can't be, that would require for you to take time to shag Mary thus making you finite God: Did you think he was that would require for me to take time to shag Mary thus making me finite? Me: No I'm saying you're fraudulent

18 more till Owen gets 20

Wont hypnotise me with his avatar

Does Famous Person Above all by himself

And now I just saw a blue tit scalking a vertical brick wall ...Today is being rather strange...

According to telegraph, Faye will start....is Clark injured or something?

No reason he cant get 15-20 goals a season, be amazing if he does.

Whilst cooking meself a fry up this morning (well, just bacon and fried egg), I noticed the egg had 2 yolks! Needless to say I was rather taken aback but it was still fine to eat.

Doesn't know what it feels like to be living in a goldfish bowl

Am I the only one imagining a plaster cast? Wonder if he gets all his mates to sign it

Is still on a YTS contract so it's his job to polish my boots.

Seems wronged by my wrongness

Chav

Micker's Machine: Can Goofy fight the machine?

Optimises peoples happenis (freudian slip ) with his dicktionary! ....that sounds plain wrong

Urgh Mum and I. Stop bastardizing grammar what did it ever do to you? Oh and I'm going to Tampa Bay at xmas to see the Lightning play Hope they manage to re-sign St.Louis, he's me fave

Has me lost for words

Dropped a sack of grain on his privates whilst perving his mrs?

*puts gloves and balaclava back in drawer*

You could nip down and put it in a building society y'know

Poor guy

Might get nicked mate! (Am I going to be blamed if it does? )

Mam: "Ooo! Look at the goats!" Cab driver (who ironically was called Shepherd!): "No you fool, they sheep mon. It's too hot for dem to have their wool" Me: "Yeah mum duh" 37024[/snapback] shit got me again! lol you wanna start a new thread full of your anecdotes! ( I was gonna say write a book but i would have to pay to read that.) (unless someone would serialise it in the tabloids i guess) hmm, I'll wait till the film comes out 37032[/snapback] Needless to say, I had the last laugh

Mam: "Ooo! Look at the goats!" Cab driver (who ironically was called Shepherd!): "No you fool, they sheep mon. It's too hot for dem to have their wool" Me: "Yeah mum duh"

I really must go back to Antigua someday, U absolutely love the place! Eric Clapton has a house there you know. Locals are the best, really friendly! Play cricket on the beach. I'll never forget the Antiguan builders though... "Ey waidaminute, he's cheatin!" "Wut? Naw man I aint cheatin" "Cheat cheat cheat" *others join in* "YOU FUCK AT DIS GAME MON" "Cheat cheat cheat" "YOU FUCK AT DIS GAME MON "Cheat cheat cheat" But then it started raining so everyone had to go inside so they stopped.