The Fish

bang on 6' me man if you're a bloke it's officially the perfect height. Fact-offyourface

lager for starters, then Vodka... no bloody alcopops, they're over-priced, too sweet and aimed at people who want to get hammered rather than those of us who actually just enjoy a drink.

no mention of Smo in you list of front-runners? I think the boy doth protest too much

you're probably trying to reclaim the title of "board Hom" and will crank up your bitch-iness to get your painted fingers wrapped around the tassley handles of a tacky pot, your limp wrists can barely support. go felch a hamster, bumoboy

Prove it buy the drinks for the entirety of the piss up. Don't be foolish! Although I have randomly been paid 4 days early for some reason. Renton has taken a mauling on here today btw. Serves him right for trying to suggest I was some kind of hom. and the fact he's been a miserly old badger all bloody day

I whinge because time passes slowly. I'm generally in a good mood on a Friday though and I light up your lives on this place. You're like a fat Eeyore today. With Gordon Ramsay's face. A.A.Milne is turning in his grave, not even Eeyore is as much a grouch as Renton today. I've seen statues with more joi de vivre Gargoyles, even! Thems the buggers I had the word Gorgon running about my head and couldn't shake it... clearly was thinking of Gargoyles though. wonder why I had Gorgons in my head.....

Prove it buy the drinks for the entirety of the piss up.

.. you don't mind spending it on yourself, was my point

I whinge because time passes slowly. I'm generally in a good mood on a Friday though and I light up your lives on this place. You're like a fat Eeyore today. With Gordon Ramsay's face. A.A.Milne is turning in his grave, not even Eeyore is as much a grouch as Renton today. I've seen statues with more joi de vivre

is that a euphemism for you being tighter than a ducks arsehole?

after you've carefully folded yer jumper of course

you've done nowt but complain all day man. You should never drink again, because you're a shit hangover victim!

no I bliddy wasn't I was clearly on about the fuel from lastyear... you know, that set free malarkey. That's blatantly what I was on about?

Radgi is your wife?

told you it had something to do with your heating

Laundry is woman's work man. I can't believe you're offering to do Cath's - it should be the other way round. You're forgetting I've seen you interact with your wife, Renton. I think "cowed" would be the appropriate term. did you just call Rentons wife a Cow? fight fight fight

If you can take Gemmil's cock out your mouth long enough to say it. you've a disturbing imagination.

is this the correct time to use the term "metrosexual"?

then go entertain yourself. read a paper on the shitter for half an hour.

In my defence My mam got me £30 Burtons voucher card thingy. Got two Jumpers for £30... they're dead nice

Not Kielder goats m'dear! Did Gemmil just dictate that over the phone? to be honest I couldn't feel the difference between a Jumper I bought from Burtons (of all places) and a Cashmere jumper that my girlfriend's got.

Eh, how do you make that one out? He's admitted to wearing, and laundering, cashmeres ffs! I've got some cashmere jumpers, cocknose! Hardly cause for abuse. I'll wear one tomorrow if you like, just so you can check me out in it. Just cos you're too plebby for a bit of luxury wool. Wearing jumpers is gay, let alone ones made of cashmere. You'd fucking know, Larry Grayson! I'm married ffs! Whereas you: Wear cashmere jumpers Drink gay drinks Are domesticated Like San Francisco Are an accountant Anything I've missed? Ginger?

surely it's the same with any woolen jumper?

I would have imagined Goats wool to be coarse as hell.. but that's because my knowledge of goats starts and ends with the petting Zoo up near Kielder... guessing there might be more than one breed... and I'm guessing they aren't the wirey backed greedy fuckers that nearly bit through my hand just to get a fucking carrot.

excuse me !!! I do not "piss all over the shop" thank you very much just in the doorway? to be fair, even I knew about turning jumpers inside out so they don't bobble and stuff. Me Mam told me that the minute I moved out... probably to get rid of any excuses I had to get her to do it for me.