David Kelly

I was on jury duty the other year. It was the second time i'd be called up and few days before the end of the second week I finally got put on a jury (first time over the two times I'd been called up). As soon as they brought the defendant out I thought to myself that he looked like a right nonce. Then they read out the charges and surprise surprise he was up for noncing. You can just tell man. Unfortunately he'd been in a car crash on the way to court and fractured his sternum. This and the drugs they had him on might well have been the reason for his apprearance. In the end he wasn't fit to stand trial at the time so I got realsed from the duty early and had a couple of days on the piss.

This is the top and bottom of it. The boards actions have led us to being near relegation for the last four seasons. Why would we praise that?

I don't see any change in policy at all. They have the finances to the point they want them now so they are releasing a bit more money but that's it. The summer signings all fit the same criteria as before and really so do the two so far this window and the other two that are being most talked about. Young players that we can sell on. The fact that we're in the shit and there is a big risk that we will miss out on the new tv deal has forced us to act now and probably spend much more than they would have wanted to. It's all reactive not proactive and it's all with a view to sell ons rather than to actually building a squad fit for purpose. No praise whatsoever from me.

I've been told he's not actually left the country and the deal is actually for 5m euros. Got told the price last week and I notice one of the papers this morning had the price dropped to £4m. Not so sure this is dead yet.

Aye really looking forward to that.

Not unusual fo someone to be unable to understand Tom Hardy's mumbling. I remember once upon a time when he used to be able to speak properly but these days a mumble is all you get.

I wiped Kodi off my box last week. I had a load of apps that never worked or I never used and they kept trying to update and it just slowed everything. I installed the newest version and only added the apps I wanted and it was working much faster immediately. Took me about half an hour. I set up the library last night that the lord Gemmill was on about. Piece of piss and looks just the job. Took ages for it to sinc with all of the programs I have in my favourites like but that's probably something to do with the hundreds of episodes of XFiles and Seinfeld.

Whilst I'm also desperate to see us replace Dummett at leftback, I think a striker is the priority this window. I think we'll muddle through with Dummett, Haidara and Mbabu til the end of the season.

I thought they'd changed the rules so that you weren't supposed to indicate if there's no one to indicate to. Either way you want to get in to the habbit of indicating properly on roundabouts. The amount of useless fuckers who can't manage it that I'm forced to shout abuse at on a daily basis is ridiculous. A school friend of mine crashed on his test. They didn't fail him for it mind.

But on keyboard skills?

Actually wondering how they got Sam Allardyce to appear in the film was the most interesting thing about it.

We might be back in the bottom three tonight. Gini's goals aren't papering over that

Undertandably after the last couple of years, confidence still isn't high. The only way for it to come back is for us to start picking up results.

I can't argue with logic like that!

I expect you to bring down your full wrath for that Gem! I'm still shaking from my own dressing down.

I'm no Christmas Tree, I know one end of an app from another but I've just not looked into things I've not needed.

I watched Under The Skin the other night and apart from SJ ketting her kit off, I thought it was painful. Fortunately I also watched Rubble Kings, The King Of Kong, Spotlight and The Big Short which were all very good. There are some really pathetic people in the world of competetive video gaming which made King Of Kong a particular joy to watch.

To be fair, I've never needed the library function before because the favourites in Genesis did exactly what I needed it to do. But thanks for the tip. I'm assuming that Real Debrid offers nothing at all in terms of watching live sports?

That sound like just the job. I'll get on that tonight.

Canny. I've got loads of older shows in my favourites in Genesis (Seinfeld, Curb, Twin Peaks etc). How does it work for things like that which don't have new episodes?

Berahino certainly hasn't got a long record of scoring goals year on year but he is a young lad who has progressed in this league. Of course his attitude is the concern but I still see him as less of a risk than Lacazette (who admittedly is a couple of years older than I thought so might be a better bet than I'd considered if he'd come. Which he wont). I don't think Mitrovic has a questionable attitude btw. Just concerns about his temprement.

I've never set up a library. I'll have to have a look into setting that up.

I've always had my android box connected with the ethernet cable but I still have more problems with buffering on that, than I do with my lap top through the wifi. Velocity looks like the up and coming app for watching movies/tv but it doesn't have the favourites option that Genesis has. That will be the big thing I miss if/when it goes down.

Shola's league record for us was worse than one in 5. Berahino's for West Brom is better than one in four and last season was better than one in three. Obviously this season his issues with the club have restricted his game time and made his ratio look worse but it's ridiculous to compare him to Shola. I'd not be happy about signing Gomis, he's not what we need at all unless he was just being considered back up. I'd be very wary about signing Lacazette as I think he would just bring more of the same issues as Mitrovic (ie another young lad who we are expecting to make the jump up in leagues and hit the ground running straight away). Of the three you mention I think Berahino would be the best bet for an instant return and I also think he could parter Mitrovic and also play in a wider role like Perez and still score goals. Unfortunately I have no faith that we can sign him. I'm pretty sure there must also be more experienced strikers playing abroad that we could also look to. We're seeing the benefit already in signing a player like Gini who is at a much better age and experience level to bring over. Don't ask me to name names because I'm no expect on players in other European leagues and I'm not employed as a scout. I do think you're right that all of our forward players will benefit if Shelvey can continue the way he started but I don't see it as being enough.

Aye I never considered the possible connotations of Peep Show like. I shall attack safer titled programs/films tonight. Which apps have you trided the real debrid with? Genesis seemed the most straightforward but I've got Velocity, Salts and The Royal We that I think it integrates with to try.