Scottish Mag

Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker, it was After Eight. She was from Quality Street , he was a Fisherman's Friend. On the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had a Rum and Butter, she had a Wine Gum. He asked her name, "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said. "I'm the one with the nuts," he thought! Then he touched her Milky Way. They checked in to a hotel, and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic. It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks then he showed her his Curly Wurly and Tic Tacs. Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any Jelly Babies, so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard via her Party Ring. He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a magic moment as she let out a scream of Turkish Delight. When he pulled out, his fun size Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more, but he needed Time Out, however, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetizing. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and finished off by giving her a Gob Stopper! Unfortunately, Mr Cadbury then had to go home to his wife, Caramel. Sadly, 3 days later his Magnum lolly started to drip. It turned out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Basset who had Allsorts...

I should really contribute something to this thread but I am too busy cutting and pasting tbh..

What hair?

FYP

Well there are plenty on here...

You are sooooo going to be a marked man at the footie. We'll need to get the cameras ready for when Magma puts you up in the air..

Actually on reflection I am not so sure locking the 5 current facts thread would be such a good idea? I mean how would we know when Magmas mum was doing her weekly shopping?

I thought this was going to be another thread about shitting in a garage...

I actually agree with Toontastics wannabee internet hardman.. The irony yesterday that this thread had constant viewers and posts in it with complaints about people not posting was just mongtastic IMO. How many times now do we need people complaining that the threads etc kicking about are boring, Ehhhhh post something new then??

Don't know, I'm far too snobby I reckon you get what you pay for though. I tend to buy Italian suits from Moss Bros. It's canny friendly in there and you can get a nice suit for £200-300. Aye I think my last two were from slaters and were about £200 each. I went through a phase where I thought I was loaded or something and bought three Hugo Boss suits from CF for work , but they didn't really last that well. What a fucking moneywasting tit I am. Just need some new ones at the mo cos the ones I've got are looking a bit shabby. I save a fair bit of money getting to wear my jeans etc to work...

Start a thread on something you think is interesting then?

And the busiest thread currently on here is the one about the place dying and no one posting...

Norwich have confirmed that Sunderland are on the brink of signing midfielder Dickson Etuhu for £1.5m. The 25-year-old former Manchester City and Preston player turned down an improved contract offer from the Canaries at the weekend And the Nigerian is poised to become Roy Keane's fifth summer addition. "We received an offer from Sunderland for Dickson which meets a £1.5m buy-out clause in his contract," said Norwich chief executive Neil Doncaster. "We are very disappointed to lose Dickson, obviously. "But the simple facts are that Dickson turned down the offer of a new, more lucrative contract from Norwich City which was already on the table, in favour of Sunderland's offer. "We are therefore forced to accept their offer under the terms of his contract." Sunderland boss Keane is optimistic of completing the loose ends on a deal. He said: "We are hopeful. We hope it's nearly a done deal. Talks are going on and hopefully there might be news on that. "He's a player I admire. He would give us something different to what we have got." Etuhu began his career at Manchester City but started just 11 league games before signing for Preston in 2002 for £300,000. He played nearly 150 games for North End before joining Norwich after a loan spell at Carrow Road. Etuhu started 42 league games for Norwich last season - his first full campaign for the club following his £450,000 arrival from Preston in January 2006. Keane completed the signing of Kieran Richardson from Manchester United on Monday for a fee believed to be £5.5m. The Black Cats boss has also drafted in Greg Halford, Russell Anderson and Michael Chopra. The It brings the total of his summer spending to £15.5m as the club prepare for their return to the Premiership.

Bring back Shinton...

Not a theme tune, but Dexter is one of my favourite intros to a programme...

Sam Allardyce admits Andrea Barzagli would not be a priority signing for Newcastle United and remains hopeful Obafemi Martins will stay at St James' Park. Palermo defender Barzagli has been linked with a move to the Magpies as Allardyce looks to reinforce a leaky back-line. But whilst acknowledging an interest in the Italy international, Allardyce concedes he initially needs players with Premier League experience. "Overall this is a talented squad, but we must find some big, strong, experienced, quality defenders, preferably ones who have played in this country," said Allardyce. "Barzagli is a very good player, but first and foremost I need one or two who know what English football's all about." In addition to strengthening his squad, Allardyce is also aiming to ensure that none of his key players leave the club. Martins has been linked with a move to Arsenal and reportedly wants to activate a clause in his contract allowing him to leave for a set sum. But Allardyce has been assured the rumours are unfounded, although he concedes there is a chance the Nigerian striker could leave. The Magpies manager added: "I have not spoken to Oba himself, only his representatives, who assure me there is nothing in it. "But while the window is open, and when somebody has a get-out clause like he does, there is always a chance you might lose him. "You hope that is not going to be the case, but you have to just keep your fingers crossed and hope it does not happen."

How you finding the Nikon?Is it what you expected? After one myself but holding back a bit,as i might splash out a bit more. Tbh I have not used it that much yet, have been too busy getting pissed at T in the Park etc

Newcastle manager Sam Allardyce admits bringing in some more defenders is a must before the start of the new season. Defending has been the Achilles heel of The Magpies for some time and despite the additions of David Rozehnal and Geremi, Allardyce is still not content. The former Bolton boss wants sign a couple of powerful stoppers capable of competing in the Premier League every week. "What we need now particularly is defenders and quality defenders at that," Allardyce said on Sky Sports News. "That is my only key concern at the moment. "The players that are here are progressing nicely but the concern is that we must find some big, strong, experienced, good defenders." Allardyce has revealed he has missed out on a number of his targets already this summer, with some joining Premier League rivals. Nevertheless, he is confident of being able to strengthen his Newcastle squad prior to 11th August. "Many targets are coming and going now and more and more people are actively moving into the transfer market," Allardyce added. "Some of our targets have gone in this country already but there will be plenty more coming up between now and August." Potential targets are reportedly Italian international duo Fabio Cannavaro and Andrea Barzagli, but Allardyce ruled out any 'galactico' type signings. "We are all hoping we can move in the transfer market and bring some good players to the football club. "I am not talking about the 'galactico' stars that are being mentioned - that is just a nonsense at the moment. "We need three or four solid, very, very good defenders from wherever it may be, and we will be a force this year. "But we need to get them first. If he wants to give me a little gift after with a galactico, I won't say no." Meanwhile, Joey Barton aims to be playing regular European football with Newcastle in the not too distant future in order to boost his England hopes. "First and foremost, it is vitally important to do well for Newcastle United," the midfielder told the club's official website. "If England honours follow, I will be very honoured. As a professional, you always strive to play at the highest level. "But first and foremost, it is more about playing in Europe every season with Newcastle."

Shay Given has revealed he would be happy to spend the rest of his career at Newcastle. The Republic of Ireland international is in his tenth year at St James' Park after arriving from Blackburn. Given has established himself as one of the best keepers in England during his time at the club with a number of consistent performances on Tyneside. The 31-year-old still has four years to run on his current contract and he says he would be happy to extend it to keep him at St James' Park. "I have got four years left on my contract and I will definitely be here for them - and hopefully a few more beyond that," Given told the club's official website. "But we will have to see how my body holds up before I start thinking about another 10. "When I signed, I knew I was coming to a huge football club. "It's a special place to play football, what with the fans and the stadium, and hopefully we will be able to win something while I'm here because you can just imagine what the place would be like."

Medina

Dantheman