Add Michael Henderson to the list of idiotic hacks

[Happy Face 29]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/main.jhtm...3/sfnhen103.xml

 

Newcastle fans can stop deluding themselves

 

It may not stand out like other, more celebrated years, but 1955 was not a bad one for films. Spencer Tracy showed some form in Bad Day at Black Rock, and Cary Grant sparkled in To Catch a Thief. Otto Preminger made The Man with the Golden Arm, which was considered very red meat at the time, and Hollywood's twin monarchs, John Ford (Mister Roberts), and Billy Wilder (The Seven Year Itch), left their mark.

 

In the pop charts Bill Haley, the oldest teenager in town, mopped his brow in between rockin' around the clock, and Tennessee Ernie Ford gave us Sixteen Tons, with its much-imitated line: "If you see me comin', better step asi-de." In the wider world, the first McDonald's opened in Illinois (thank you, Illinois), and the Russians, having lost overall control of Berlin, established the Warsaw Pact.

 

In England, a year before the humiliation of Suez that revealed Britain's diminished role in the world, Anthony Eden had succeeded Winston Churchill as Prime Minister, and Ralph Vaughan Williams was composing his eighth symphony. And, though it turned up few trees at the time, Newcastle United won the FA Cup.

 

Despite all the hot air that blows out of Tyneside, as though through the funnel of one of the ships they used to make up there, that pot remains their last domestic honour, though they did land the Inter City Fairs Cup (the Uefa Cup, by another name) in 1969. It is worth noting that little fact when we are asked to believe, as we so often are, that Newcastle are a big club.

 

It's all right. They're only joking. Since that glorious day at Wembley, 53 long years ago, when Jackie Milburn scored in the first minute against Manchester City to lead the charge to a third Cup triumph in five years and prompt a general shaking of rattles, this 'big' club has won no domestic honour.

 

Oxford United, now languishing in the Blue Square Premier League, have. Stoke City have, and Queens Park Rangers and Coventry City and seven other clubs who currently belong to the old second division. Heavens above, even Sunderland have; hopeless old Sunderland. But the giants who live at St James' Park have won three-eighths of four-tenths of bugger all.

 

So it is easy to sympathise with Sam Allardyce, the latest man foolish enough to imagine he can salvage this stricken tanker, when he acknowledges that his position is in danger. In such danger, he knows, that if the players he has recently criticised for their lack of spirit and talent lose their next tie in the tournament that is embedded so deeply in the club's collective memory, when they go to Stoke on Sunday, it is likely that he will walk home with his head under one arm.

 

Things must be bad when the club's chairman, Chris Mort, declares that the speculation concerning Allardyce is making him laugh, a sure sign that his fingers are itching. Meanwhile, everybody else is roaring at the demeaning spectacle of Mike Ashley attending matches in a black and white shirt. Perhaps Mort should organise a whip-round to buy him a suit, a shirt and a tie. Newcastle may be a long way from London, where both men make their living, but there are such things as gentlemen's outfitters. At the moment the owner's 'man of the people' act is making the club a laughing stock.

 

If Allardyce is told to clear his desk, and if Alan Shearer is invited to place his centre-forward's behind in the hot seat that 'Big Sam' has kept nicely warmed, what then? Does anybody really think that, by invoking the grand names of yesteryear, starting with St Jackie of Milburn, Newcastle will, in some mysterious way as yet unspecified, cease to be underachievers?

 

We've been here before, not 'alf! Kevin Keegan, Kenny Dalglish, Ruud Gullit, Sir Bobby Robson and Graeme Souness: Newcastle have not exactly been starved of big names. Shearer was indeed a wonderful player, but he has no experience of management, which is such a notoriously difficult craft that even Robson was eventually (and shamefully) deemed inadequate.

 

Pipe dreams, that's all they are. A local hero Shearer might be, and rightly, because nobody could have given more to the cause than he did for 10 years, but the depth and ferocity of local pride has not availed them much in the past 50 years, and it won't in the next 50.

 

Shearer played in two FA Cup finals, when Newcastle submitted so meekly to Arsenal and Manchester United that their reputation remains diminished to this day. They didn't come out to play on either occasion, any more than they did in 1974 when Malcolm Macdonald boasted they would have Liverpool for toast. Instead Liverpool put a fried egg on top and munched them whole.

 

Most people who do not live in the North East are well-disposed to the area, and realise that football has a significant place in its general culture. But too many supporters who, unlike Ashley, have earned the right to wear black and white, are living in the past, and plenty of others need to grow up.

 

A first step would be to stop referring to something called the 'Geordie Nation', which cannot be found on any map. Newcastle is a small city in the north of a land that lies off continental Europe, and will find it hard to attract the best foreign players. Bracing walks along the Northumberland coast sound appealing to us; less so to Brother Eyetie and Cousin Carlos. A second would be to stop recruiting players, like Lee Bowyer and Joey Barton, who belong in a pig-sty. A third would be to find, and hang on to, local talent.

 

Allardyce may well have 'lost' the dressing room, and may, like those before him, be considered expendable. But can anybody shake any sense into a club that has been undermined by the illusion of 'bigness' simply because 50,000 people turn up every week hoping against hope to catch something worth watching?

 

No. They're too far gone.

 

Newspaper equivalent of Mike Parry

Edited January 4, 2008 by Happy Face

[Park Life 71]

He's spot on about Shearer.

[nufc4ever 0]

50,000 home fans turn up every other week despite winning fuck all for donkey's years.

 

Aye, we're dead impatient like.

[Happy Face 29]

He's spot on about Shearer.

 

Along with the majority of fans who don't want him here at the moment. Paper talk whips up up this shite then derides us for it. I don't know where they get the nerve.

[Guest alex]

I 'love' the way the same medium, i.e. newspapers in the main, that decided that the majority of Newcastle fans wanted shot of Allardyce - because let's face it: that is a myth started as soon as they smelled blood - are now the ones telling us how impatient we are for wanting rid.

[Bombadil 0]

Wow, what a load of patronising shit. Again.

[Norbert Colon 0]

I am sure he would have been able to write similar about man u in the late eighties - busby babes and all that - its a piece of piss to deride and mock anyone or anything but that doesn't make it journalism - if they have a few square inches of space in their rag its just a matter of trotting out a few old newcastle cliches and adding some sly insults about how deluded we are and there you have it - bollocks.

 

Tottenham may have got a bit of stick about jol but i don't recall it reaching levels that we attain and we haven't even sacked our manager - and nowts said about the fact that ramos has made fuck all difference.

 

So we got annoyed about some inept performances on the pitch - fuckin wow - it happens every week everywhere even chelsea were slaggin off grant.

[Meenzer 14247]

Meanwhile, everybody else is roaring at the demeaning spectacle of Mike Ashley attending matches in a black and white shirt. Perhaps Mort should organise a whip-round to buy him a suit, a shirt and a tie. Newcastle may be a long way from London, where both men make their living, but there are such things as gentlemen's outfitters.

 

Apparently we're getting electricity soon, too!

[Norbert Colon 0]

Meanwhile, everybody else is roaring at the demeaning spectacle of Mike Ashley attending matches in a black and white shirt. Perhaps Mort should organise a whip-round to buy him a suit, a shirt and a tie. Newcastle may be a long way from London, where both men make their living, but there are such things as gentlemen's outfitters.

 

Apparently we're getting electricity soon, too!

 

Aye - well i'm off to take the whippet for a walk to the pigeon loft in me flat cap and hobnails

[Happy Face 29]

Meanwhile, everybody else is roaring at the demeaning spectacle of Mike Ashley attending matches in a black and white shirt. Perhaps Mort should organise a whip-round to buy him a suit, a shirt and a tie. Newcastle may be a long way from London, where both men make their living, but there are such things as gentlemen's outfitters.

 

Apparently we're getting electricity soon, too!

 

He was more scathing of that a few weeks back...

 

"You either have it, or you've had it." Looking at photographs of Mike Ashley, the owner of Newcastle United, who has taken to wearing a replica shirt on all occasions, to parade his new-found allegiance to the cause, doesn't leave much room for doubt. He may be worth £1.9 billion, but nobody ever confused wealth with class.

 

And then there is Chris Mort, installed as chairman at St James' Park, who sounded distinctly miffed after the 1-1 draw at Sunderland, where Barton offered that glimpse of his dazzling skills. "It was obviously another disappointing performance," Mort said, with the wisdom that often accompanies high office. There was a time when chairmen stayed in the background.

 

Ah, well. With you and I, dear, arm in arm, Rome can sleep secure.

 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/main.jhtm...5/sfnhen115.xml

 

If he thinks his writing is classy his barmoeter must be a bit fucked.

[Tom 13921]

What a sack of shite

 

 

 

Doesn't this guy even feel remotely embarrassed?

[Jusoda Kid 1]

Sounds like a very bitter man to me

[Bombadil 0]

I am sure he would have been able to write similar about man u in the late eighties - busby babes and all that - its a piece of piss to deride and mock anyone or anything but that doesn't make it journalism - if they have a few square inches of space in their rag its just a matter of trotting out a few old newcastle cliches and adding some sly insults about how deluded we are and there you have it - bollocks.

 

Tottenham may have got a bit of stick about jol but i don't recall it reaching levels that we attain and we haven't even sacked our manager - and nowts said about the fact that ramos has made fuck all difference.

 

So we got annoyed about some inept performances on the pitch - fuckin wow - it happens every week everywhere even chelsea were slaggin off grant.

 

Spot on.

[Tom 13921]

Michael Henderson (born 1959) is a British journalist, born in Manchester, raised in Bolton and educated at a preparatory school in Derbyshire and then at Repton School. Originally purely a sportswriter, he has since diversified into a wider range of cultural journalism.

 

Poor Bastard

 

 

He feels strongly that standards in British society have declined and has come to strongly dislike football, a game he once regularly reported - not so much the game itself, as what he feels it has come to represent in a violent, celebrity-obsessed society

[ewerk 27300]

Meanwhile, everybody else is roaring at the demeaning spectacle of Mike Ashley attending matches in a black and white shirt. Perhaps Mort should organise a whip-round to buy him a suit, a shirt and a tie. Newcastle may be a long way from London, where both men make their living, but there are such things as gentlemen's outfitters.

 

Apparently we're getting electricity soon, too!

 

Well Newcastle is an "isolated area" according to Louise Taylor.

[Big TRon 0]

I am hearing so much of this idea that we have ideas above our station that I am starting to wonder whether there isn't some ofrm of jealousy involved? At least we aren't arrogant enough to sack a manager like Mourinho because he was winning without playing "entertaining" football.

[Guest stevieintoon]

Tottenham written all over him.

[Kid Dynamite 6187]

Bracing walks along the Northumberland coast sound appealing to us; less so to Brother Eyetie and Cousin Carlos. A second would be to stop recruiting players, like Lee Bowyer and Joey Barton, who belong in a pig-sty. A third would be to find, and hang on to, local talent.

 

The man talks sense

[trophyshy 6567]

Bracing walks along the Northumberland coast sound appealing to us; less so to Brother Eyetie and Cousin Carlos. A second would be to stop recruiting players, like Lee Bowyer and Joey Barton, who belong in a pig-sty. A third would be to find, and hang on to, local talent.

 

The man talks sense

 

where are the local lads?

 

ruined by playstation and happy meals?

[Happy Face 29]

Bracing walks along the Northumberland coast sound appealing to us; less so to Brother Eyetie and Cousin Carlos. A second would be to stop recruiting players, like Lee Bowyer and Joey Barton, who belong in a pig-sty. A third would be to find, and hang on to, local talent.

 

The man talks sense

 

Bordering on Racism.

 

Of course he's ebullient about Arsenal's array of predominantly foreign players.

 

Is Wenger the finest club manager the English game has known? Possibly. To change the eclat of a club with such entrenched traditions, then to strengthen the team while losing seven key players amid the distraction of moving to a new stadium, verges on the miraculous. He is a modern Orpheus, charming every sentient being, and all beasts of the field, with his lyre. If Arsenal win the League this season it will be a significant victory for good taste. 'English' or not, their success can only enhance the English game.

 

 

Tit

[Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0]

He's a right prick. I like the telegraph sports section, but this guy is just a pompous arsehole.

[Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0]

More pompous guff today:

Newcastle making drama out of a crisis

 

It's good news either way for Newcastle fans this weekend, as they follow their team to London. They can toddle along to the Emirates Stadium, to see Arsenal educate them in the art of beautiful football, or they can jump on the Piccadilly Line into the West End, and see what a theatre looks like.

 

If we are to take Kevin Keegan at his own word, which is not compulsory, going to the theatre is one of those customs exclusive to people 'down south'. An odd view, one might think, considering that the highly-acclaimed Sage at Gateshead, which brings all forms of entertainment to the people of the north east, lies just across the Tyne from St James' Park.

 

Which dramas best suit Newcastle? For their manager, naturally, there is The Homecoming. Given the general palaver surrounding their former No 9, Noises Off is appropriate for Alan Shearer, while the players King Kev has inherited would fit snugly into Black Comedy.

 

When the Halls were running the show the club appeared to be A Small Family Business. Now that Mike Ashley, he of the replica shirt, is in charge, it's more like The Pyjama Game. The fans, who pine for The Coast of Utopia, have had to endure many a Long Day's Journey into Night.

 

As events up there constantly teeter on the brink of farce perhaps they can all join in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, with its rousing chorus of 'tragedy tomorrow, comedy tonight'. Oh aye, tonight and every night. Or, in remembrance of Big Sam Allardyce, there is always A Chorus of Disapproval.

 

But there is really only one play for the Tyneside Mummers. It was written by the father of modern drama, Henrik Ibsen: When We Dead Awaken.

 

The theatre comment hits its target once again. I like some of the comments following the piece:

 

Who is this idiot?

 

I am totally bemused----there must be a 1000 ineresting things to write about football on a daily basis and your write this??

were you drunk or on drugs??

 

that's two minutes of my life I'm never going to get back... I hope you're happy!!

 

Absolute drivel!! Someone needs to sack this man, he can't write an article if his life depended on it

 

Get a life saddo!

 

Shock, Horror !, national newspaper hack in snide dig at Keegan and NUFC and the point iof this Henderson ?.

 

Have all you southern hacks lost the plot, climb down off that lofty perch you seem to reside on with the rest of your fleet street flat heads. The double standards you lot employ are astounding to say the least i mean where is the wholesale condemnation over the aresnal fight if it was Newcastle players you would have had a field day!!!

 

Michael, Michael Michael...

Funny thing condescension. You can get it right, or, you can end up with an 'article' like this.

 

I will be invoicing you for the wasting of my life in the time it took to read it.

 

what a load of rubbish...pathetic!

 

At the risk of repeating previous sentiments, did you really get paid to write that? I am certainly in the wrong line of work if you did. I am absolutely staggered at how bad this article is and I now plan to go and read the Daily Sport to in a bid to find some intellectually superior journalism

 

etc etc etc

 

Clicky

[Tom 13921]

I posted this :

 

Goodness Me.

 

This really is a pathetic article. I know an unbiased article in any sense of print is impalpable as the journalist behind will always leave his mark but this is terrible.

 

The only people you will relate to with this ''article'' are bitter Arsenal fans and the mentally ill.

 

It also begs the question who made who? Kevin Keegan makes a slight cheeky and humorous remark about southern culture and all the fat overpaid journos kick up nothing short of a hissy fit.

 

The Telegraph has never been a particularly respected newspaper on the sports front but it hasn't half hit a new low with this drivel.

 

You are supposed to report fact, not you own agenda supported with one low brow analogy after another.

 

You clearly don't understand what satirical journalism is all about not least what football is about.

 

Michael Henderson : You are a fool.

[Tom 13921]

Its not up yet like.

 

They'l probably only publish things written by

 

A. Articulate Theatre attending Arsenal fans

B. Mags going ''omgffg!11 loxl ur a pricck lieek!1'

[Knackers 0]

I 'love' the way the same medium, i.e. newspapers in the main, that decided that the majority of Newcastle fans wanted shot of Allardyce - because let's face it: that is a myth started as soon as they smelled blood - are now the ones telling us how impatient we are for wanting rid.

that is spot on,they whip up all the crap and knock the skittles over over when it becomes an issue

 

you have to blame a 3rd or more of the supporters who only get thr opinions from newspapers and internet and believe everything that is printed is fact....before the PL thr wasnt a media frenzy or internet hungry public ... the evening chronicle was yr only info on yr team ..now every cnut in the world can write shite about yr team and try to make himself look like wordsworth of the london evening gazette

i say fuk the lot of them and any impressionable young guy that reads thr stories stop reading thr shit and go and kick the fuk out of them... amen