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Shearer shows every day is fools day at Newcastle


Jimbo
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http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/mikenorrish/b...ls_at_newcastle

 

In times like these, we should all be truly grateful for Newcastle United.

 

America has Jon Stewart's Daily Show to provide laughter in the dark. We get Horne and Corden. So it's little wonder the country laps up the comic relief offered by Newcastle's pant-wetting pantomime.

 

At times surreal, often slapstick, sometimes sad but forever side-splitting, Newcastle is sit-com at its best. You know what's coming, but wet yourself anyway.

 

Much of the humour comes from the gap between delusion and reality. It's a David Brent-type deal. He sees himself as a "chilled-out entertainer", we see him as a c**k. If Brent was depressed about his weight and stifled by his job, it wouldn't be funny. But because he turns presentations into stand-up routines and goes home to fetch his guitar, it's hilarious.

 

Same with Newcastle. If they aimed to beat Sunderland twice a year and finish in the top half, you'd find another club to laugh at. Tottenham, for example.

 

Instead they appoint Messiahs rather than managers and act as if glorious, winning football is their birthright. You'd think after a lifetime in the gutter, you might start looking at the pavement rather than the stars. Not at Newcastle.

 

In this season alone, we've had the the Keegan crisis, the Cockney Mafia protests, the (second) Keegan walk-out, the Sports Soccer boycott, the Venables snub, the Joe Kinnear bombshell, the Joe Kinn'ell press conference, the For Sale sign, the Nigerian hoax, Ashley's Shiekh-snubbing Dubai trip, Charles Insomnia, the Ashley mea culpa and now the firefighting hero strutting in to save the day. That's approaching a lethal dose of giggling in just a few short months.

 

I'm not claiming Shearer won't succeed in keeping Newcastle afloat. He probably will.

 

But what then? Will Ashley bankroll an assault on the Champions League? Or will Shearer ride his pit pony into the sunset to be replaced by another Toon hero? Has anyone got Gazza's number?

 

At least Shearer's arrival should see the back of Dennis Wise, thereby bringing an end to one of the season's most burning questions. Namely: What the hell has Wise got on Ashley?

 

There must be something. Perhaps Wise once caught Ashley rifling through the bargain bin at JJB Sports. Maybe he found that Tottenham calendar the big man was sneakily hiding in his desk. How do you explain why Ashley kept a London-based and Geordie-hated figure on the payroll for so long. Particularly as Wise's brief is to buy players for what is now a selling club.

 

On one level though, I'd rather not know all the answers. I like Newcastle the way they are. Their purpose is make us laugh, and they are wildly successful at it. If you're in any doubt about that, just look at today's date. It's there in black and white.

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I know it's just a blog but for a newspaper like the Telegraph (boring as fuck generally but excellent on the football side of things) you'd expect better than that trite claptrap.

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it's a blog man. it's designed to wind people up and get people talking

Yep. I didn't read past the first sentence, as I am fortunate to be equipped with a sophisticated internets decoding device which magically separates things that are worth reading and things which aren't. ;)

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it's a blog man. it's designed to wind people up and get people talking

Yep. I didn't read past the first sentence, as I am fortunate to be equipped with a sophisticated internets decoding device which magically separates things that are worth reading and things which aren't. ;)

Must save you a lot of time on here.

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it's a blog man. it's designed to wind people up and get people talking

Yep. I didn't read past the first sentence, as I am fortunate to be equipped with a sophisticated internets decoding device which magically separates things that are worth reading and things which aren't. :nufc:

Must save you a lot of time on here.

*post blocked*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

;)

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