scoobos 388 Posted October 14, 2022 Share Posted October 14, 2022 It's political , but its a landmark day in a way. Kwarteng, (verb) - to instantly destroy something "Did you hear about John? He's okay but his car was absolutely Kwatenged" Kwarteng, (noun) the length of time between opening one's mouth and causing irreparable damage. In Saxon times there were usually 12 Kwartengs to the Truss. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 26385 Posted October 15, 2022 Author Share Posted October 15, 2022 My wife is kicking me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns. “OK,”I said, “Alpaca my bags”. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 4949 Posted October 15, 2022 Share Posted October 15, 2022 1 hour ago, Dr Gloom said: My wife is kicking me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns. “OK,”I said, “Alpaca my bags”. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50776 Posted October 15, 2022 Share Posted October 15, 2022 1 hour ago, Dr Gloom said: My wife is kicking me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns. “OK,”I said, “Alpaca my bags”. If you have one last rattle before you go, you can say you caiman went. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 26385 Posted October 19, 2022 Author Share Posted October 19, 2022 My wife crashed the car while listening to Adele last night. She ended up rolling in the Jeep 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 14520 Posted October 19, 2022 Share Posted October 19, 2022 2 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said: My wife crashed the car while listening to Adele last night. She ended up rolling in the Jeep 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50776 Posted October 19, 2022 Share Posted October 19, 2022 Mrs. F. bought some Rainbow lipstick which came in a crystal glass holder. She was all set to give me a nosh, but changed her mind after reading Julie Andrews’ autobiography, which said it’d make my junk taste like a baboon’s armpit, or words to that effect… “Superfragilecolouredlipstickmakesthedicksatrocious” , apparently 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 14520 Posted October 19, 2022 Share Posted October 19, 2022 37 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: Mrs. F. bought some Rainbow lipstick which came in a crystal glass holder. She was all set to give me a nosh, but changed her mind after reading Julie Andrews’ autobiography, which said it’d make my junk taste like a baboon’s armpit, or words to that effect… “Superfragilecolouredlipstickmakesthedicksatrocious” , apparently 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 26385 Posted October 19, 2022 Author Share Posted October 19, 2022 1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said: Mrs. F. bought some Rainbow lipstick which came in a crystal glass holder. She was all set to give me a nosh, but changed her mind after reading Julie Andrews’ autobiography, which said it’d make my junk taste like a baboon’s armpit, or words to that effect… “Superfragilecolouredlipstickmakesthedicksatrocious” , apparently Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50776 Posted October 19, 2022 Share Posted October 19, 2022 22 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said: No. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 18050 Posted October 19, 2022 Share Posted October 19, 2022 11 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Mrs. F. bought some Rainbow lipstick which came in a crystal glass holder. She was all set to give me a nosh, but changed her mind after reading Julie Andrews’ autobiography, which said it’d make my junk taste like a baboon’s armpit, or words to that effect… “Superfragilecolouredlipstickmakesthedicksatrocious” , apparently Absolutely not. Get out so far you pass Julian Clary and Jimmy Somerville on your way. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 18050 Posted October 19, 2022 Share Posted October 19, 2022 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 12581 Posted October 19, 2022 Share Posted October 19, 2022 10 hours ago, RobinRobin said: He said Adele, not Amy Winehouse 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 26385 Posted October 19, 2022 Author Share Posted October 19, 2022 18 minutes ago, The Fish said: He said Adele, not Amy Winehouse 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 14520 Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 3 hours ago, The Fish said: He said Adele, not Amy Winehouse 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 12390 Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 Lord Nelson was about 5ft 6. His statue is 17ft 4. That’s Horatio of about 3:1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 12581 Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 19 minutes ago, Craig said: Lord Nelson was about 5ft 6. His statue is 17ft 4. That’s Horatio of about 3:1 MATHS JOKE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 26385 Posted October 21, 2022 Author Share Posted October 21, 2022 Taking of maths jokes… 5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants. Now they’re tenants 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 12390 Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 "Lucy, in the sky, with diamonds.” John Lennon was rubbish at Cluedo. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50776 Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 1 hour ago, Craig said: "Lucy, in the sky, with diamonds.” John Lennon was rubbish at Cluedo. Speaking of Beetle jokes, Patrick opens the bonnet of his VW and shouts “ Ewerk- someone’s pinched yer engine!” Ewerk says, ” Ah, sure, it’s a good job there’s a spare in the boot!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 15614 Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 6 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: Speaking of Beetle jokes, Patrick opens the bonnet of his VW and shouts “ Ewerk- someone’s pinched yer engine!” Ewerk says, ” Ah, sure, it’s a good job there’s a spare in the boot!” Reminds me of the time the IRA tried to blow up the Royal Yacht Brittania. They failed because the bloke they sent couldn't get his mouth around the funnel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 42163 Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 1 hour ago, Toonpack said: Reminds me of the time the IRA tried to blow up the Royal Yacht Brittania. They failed because the bloke they sent couldn't get his mouth around the funnel. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 15614 Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 1 hour ago, Alex said: That reminds me, same guy tried to blow up a car, but he burned his mouth on the exhaust 😉 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 43974 Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 3 hours ago, Toonpack said: Reminds me of the time the IRA tried to blow up the Royal Yacht Brittania. They failed because the bloke they sent couldn't get his mouth around the funnel. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 42163 Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 59 minutes ago, Toonpack said: That reminds me, same guy tried to blow up a car, but he burned his mouth on the exhaust 😉 Me dad would love your patter btw 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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