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if you heard a joke today, post it

Dr Gloom

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I know this is the wrong thread but does anyone want to buy some Sooty and Sweep glove puppets?  They're in immaculate condition, nothing wrong with them at all, I.....



...just want them off my hands.


Stand-Up Lol GIF by Muppet Wiki

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10 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Just finished my first self-build house, but the builder hadn’t charged me for the roofing. 

He said, “ It’s on the house “


9 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

A goat, a wrestler, and a snake fell off a cliff…


Baa doom ssss…




"For you ze jokes are over."



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4 minutes ago, wykikitoon said:

Went into Currys yesterday, a bloke come up to me and asked me if he could help me.  I said 'aye pal, I want someone to sell me a kettle'


'Great, where's he then?' 


What do you call a Chinese lady with a Kenwood chef on her head?








*sorry Noelie

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Miguel the Mysterious, Mexican magician extraordinare, is on stage and announces he will vanish on stage, on the count of three. 

Unos… Dos… then poof, he’s gone. 



Vanished without a tres. 

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