Dr Kenneth Noisewater

Can you imagine life without football? Think about it. Male conversation would be decimated.

I enjoy the day (having a laugh, bantering with mates, having a drink) more than the match itself sometimes. I wouldn't say bored, but my concentration definitely wanders. I'll be watching people in front of me arguing, or looking at the stadium or watching a seagull sometimes and I'll miss things.

A Gorillapod flexible tripod:

It says in the paper "Both sets of fans created a rousing atmosphere", I thought I'd ask a random armchair supporter, how it came across on telly, because even though I've lost me voice, in general I thought the atmosphere wasn't that great and we could've done more, particularly with 10 men. Re: Shola, that flick on to nobody in the second half and his general lazyness, I can honestly say I have a degree of sympathy with him for the abuse he receives, but 90% of it is completely justified. Balls flashed across the box, and he is just so lethargic and laid back, without sounding racist he would be better suited in temperament selling watches on a Jamaican beach with a big spliff in his mouth, than playing in the high octane Premiership. I have now without question reached the end with Shola. I think he just has a very slow football brain confounded by an odd loping gait which makes him look lazy. He's not a premiership player but it's not his fault he was selected. If anyone deserved pantomime boos it was Nolan for nearly ruining someone's career and giving us a mountain to climb. I just don't like the negativity, especially when individual players are singled out. The abuse of Shola around me was constant and nonstop, it was boring apart from anything else. Then there was the double standards when Martins didn't do much better. That is the conclusion I've come to. He looks lazy or dozy because can't anticipate and he's not alert to half-chances.

There was a bit of 'heated debate' about that in L7. Some young lads were booing Shola off at the substitution and giving him stick. A bloke in front of me had a go at them (rightly so), basically saying that we are there to support the team and what good does it do booing a player who we all know isn't good enough, but might have to put up with for the next few games until Martins/Viduka/Smith are fully fit. Another bloke then came down from further up to remonstrate with him. It was more entertaining than what was happening on the pitch.

Both former U21 players, both picked from Championship sides for fairly modest fees (£4m a piece I think). Both gone on to be solid, competent Premier League centre-halves and even get themselves into the England squad. If they had come here you just know they would be a disappointment or inconsistent or just plain shit. Look at the young, English centre backs we've had recently, they've all gone backwards or not lived up to initial expectations: Taylor, still a liability at times despite playing over one hundred first team games; Bramble, a byword for comedy defending and lack of concentration; Huntington, not even getting a regular game for Leeds in League One. What do Everton do differently to us?

The red-tops and the trash mags make me sick tbh. Why do women have such a fascination with the minutiae of minor celebs lives?

What they didn't tell us was that they meant the Doug Ellis Villa model rather than the Randy Learner one.

There is history between Whelan and Ashley. They can't stand each other I believe. Whelan feels Ashley dropped JJB in it re shirt price fixing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nii_Lamptey

What happened to Nii Lampty? Old school Champ Man wonderkid, think Big Ron had him at Villa at one time. And don't forget Scott Parker was the kid in the McDonalds advert.

Where are you going? A stop-off somewhere near Dalbeattie, then up to Loch Fyne / Loch Linnhe area I believe.

I don't like wine and I'm not overly fussed on spirits. Beers & Lagers, I'm willing to try anything different. Currently got some 'Cantina' in the fridge which is from El Salvador. It's similar to Corona or Brahmas but it's actually made in El Salvador, not this brewed under licence stuff that comes from a factory in Wales. If I was forced to have a cocktail, I'd have a woo-woo, they're quite a nice summery/holiday/nightclub drink. The smell puts me off a lot of stuff, cider and gin for example. That Oz & James programme was saying there is a bit difference between Plymouth gin and London gin which I had never realised before.

Not unless those beers that you pre-order are free.... which of course they aren't, and are watered down to a disgusting level. Do you still get a rug to keep your knees warm in winter?

To London cabbies do a real exam for 'the knowledge' or is it just a mythical status passed on to anyone with an AtoZ and right-wing views?

Aye, they used to have cheese cubes, mini pickled onions and bowls of peanuts on the bar on a sunday lunchtime. Probably stopped when the stories came out about the peanuts having traces of about 20 different peoples urine on them.

Mini-Cheddars are the bizznizz. EDIT: nice to see you back by the way TR

Hookers don't have feelings therefore Freddie is exonerated

Aye, but their money problems effectively consigned them to relegation as they had to start selling players and bring in shite to replace it. I do like the fact we're in some way cupable for the state Leeds are in now as we beat them to fourth place in 01/02 thus starting their financial troubles True. Ridsdale's plans all hinged on them qualifying for the CL every year. A very dangerous assumption. Think we came from behind to beat them that season as well

Not worth £59 imo.

I suppose replica shirts are no longer banned in the platinum seats since the fat Del-Boy wears one?

Pretty much my thoughts. Flying by the seat of your pants is more exciting than pouring over the books. And I don't think we would have "done a Leeds".

The winner gets to devour the loser.