Dazzler

I have a kid under 10 but I’m emotionally distant enough that they’ve never tried to pull this shit on me.

You’ve doxxed the poor cunt. Tell him to expect my 4” in his Facebook inbox imminently. Ask him what he’ll send over to me via PayPal if I wrap it in vinyl for him first.

I’m not sure it counts as genocide when it’s a terror group tbf, and if we’re being honest anyone with a pager in 2024 sort of deserves to have it blow up on them. Get with the fucking times, terrorists.

Then you must have fucking loved Ashworth from day dot then. He was a jargon bingo specialist

There aah was crawling out of the plane wreckage in a feeld in Pennsylvania around September 2001, ahm not sheweh of the day but it might have beyn the 11th. Anyways, there was this Saudi fella on the plane in his mag shirt, coz tha gay bashers have fancied the scum for over 20 years. Eez giving it big licks with a screwdriver tacking shots at the cockpit door and that when aah gets up, walk cleyn over tiv em and hewk em cleyn on the jaw. Aah’ll tell ya what eez alla wasn’t hew Akbar that day. Anyways, to cut a long storey longer, the pilot gets on the tannoy and blasts a belta rendition of he shags wee he wants, oh Adam Johnson ee shags wee he wants. Accidentally knocks the autopilot off and nosedives us into a feeld. Everyone else was too busey patting iz on the back and saying nice things about Quinney and Peeteh Reeyd coz wa massive in middle America. Obviously, aah was the only survivor and aah dinnit like talking about it because as a fan of massive lads am peweh humble.

I overpaid a supplier and my manager says to me he says: fuck sake, don't do that again you tit. Anyways, the tribunal is next Tuesday.

Left left, or camera left?

It’s fit for purpose if the purpose is to start every season on -9 points. My boxing strategy is to take a step back at the start of each round and fucking whack myself in the face as hard as possible and then wonder why I’ve never won a fight.

“Aah member this one time I was at the hospital coz ower lass was having a babbey an this mag was a bed ower with his tewn top on feydin his newborn (alsoah in eeyz bar code onesey) Anyways, aah hockled in his fayace and said tak that yi jawdey cunt. Never said a word. His dad chinned ez tho.”

FYP

You already know he paid for the lass in yellow to have a back alley abortion

His guy is Poch and that ship has sailed now. So Mitchell either has to make do or fuck off - Or sack Howe and come up with a canny explanation to placate the masses.

I love the escalation as they all have to one up each other. "I was a snobbish cunt on a shit beaych holiday in Wales, marra." "Woh yeh? Well aah was a bellend to a mag in Ponteyland Airport." "That's nowt, marra. Aah shouted obscenities at a toddler in a full barcode kit in Marmaris." "Buckle up lads, aah've got yeeyz aah'll beyt. Aah uppercutted Feylix Baumgartner when he landed after his stratosphere base jump because aah read summit on 4chan about him liking Sheyrer as a kid. Not that aah have a problem with big Al marra, eez one of the good ones."

But that doesn't change the fact that we didn't sign £100m players on the cheap, we made them. The problem is that you then have to start flogging them for £100m to kick start the next phase of the growth. Man City had a 10 year head start and managed to do all their infrastructure work before they were hamstrung and Liverpool had to sell two of their best players for crazy money to maintain their position and grow. If we want to build a model similar to theirs then we are going to have to sell a couple of our best players to fund it. Them's the breaks.

When they sold Suarez they had Gerrard and Coutinho - here is there squad list - it's actually pretty fucking dreadful - especially considering they spent the Suarez money on shite like Balotelli and Rickie Lambert: Liverpool FC - Club profile 14/15 | Transfermarkt It was the Coutinho money they spent wisely iirc

Liverpool sold Suarez and Coutinho and won plenty....

How did we get £100m players for less than they were worth? If they were £100m players then we'd have had to spend £100m on them, that's how the business works. No cunt was doing us any favours. They were worth what we were willing to spend at the time (and in the cases of Gordon and Isak probably worth a bit less considering both weren't exactly playing brilliantly when we paid for them). Saying that completely undermines the work the manager and coaching staff have put in to improve them. They are £100m players now - they absolutely were not when we signed them.

I don’t have the context for this but presumably Lambert talks to water

Maybe try reading the thread titles first and save us the second hand embarrassment. Cheers.

Fucking show off.

I am not sure about the first one, purely on the basis that it cost him two votes (the shooter and the maga spanner he shot). This one is completely fishy though…

I would not be surprised if it was his idea because it worked so well the last time for his polling.

Eddie shouldn’t have to answer for what Mitchell said, says Craig Hope who asked him about what Mitchell said