Gemmill

10 minutes of freedom in that midnight hush. Reprehensible.

Nobody gives a fuck that West Ham won the conference league btw. Not even their fans.

This is the prompt, just so you understand the different sections: Write a rap in the style of the 80s group Wham about a man from Boldon called Christmas Tree. He is a taxi driver who watches the 10 minutes of free view porn at midnight when his wife and kids are in bed. He has many hobbies and is in a state of near constant anxiety about his favourite football team, Newcastle United. He also thinks people with lisps are gay. **Verse 1** Yo, here’s a tale from Boldon town, ‘Bout a guy named Christmas Tree, always down, Taxi driver cruisin' late at night, While his family's asleep, he's got a different light. **Chorus** Christmas Tree, living life in a rush, 10 minutes of freedom, in that midnight hush, Hobbies stacked high, like his dreams on a shelf, But in the back of his mind, it’s all about himself. **Verse 2** Newcastle’s his team, the stress on his mind, Every match day, he’s a nervous kind, Shouting at the screen, feeling that thrill, But anxiety’s the game, he can’t seem to kill. **Chorus** Christmas Tree, living life in a rush, 10 minutes of freedom, in that midnight hush, Hobbies stacked high, like his dreams on a shelf, But in the back of his mind, it’s all about himself. **Bridge** He laughs at the quirks, but he’s stuck in a groove, Thinking those with lisps just ain’t in the mood, But deep down he knows, it’s all in the game, Just a man on the edge, trying to stake his claim. **Outro** So here’s to Christmas Tree, keepin’ it real, Navigating life, with that taxi wheel, In Boldon’s bright nights, he’ll drive and he’ll dream, Just a working-class hero, caught in the stream.

Fayre

Not at all. Someone saying us not being in the ECL this year is possibly a good thing is not anything like the same as saying they're happy with never winning a trophy.

No one is saying that, Mr Strawman.

I'm desperate for it to be Badenoch vs Jenrick in the final two.

Aye and we've got as thin, if not thinner, squad than we had last time we were in Europe, it would entirely blow our league season to pieces, and if we didn't win (and we probably wouldn't), there'd be question marks around Howe's job. We still don't have a squad that can manage European competition. We've proven that once already, and the squad is thinner at the back than it was then. We'd soon be playing Krafth at centre half and lamenting the sale of "the versatile" Paul Dummett. It was a good thing. Now fucking deal with it.

Man United winning the FA Cup is a net good thing, I reckon. No Europe, but Ten Hag blowing their beans on shite in the summer, and securing himself a contract extension, along with us being the well-rested warriors for the rest of the season, will work out in our favour.

"accidentally"

A draw and a win against L2 opposition and he's declared himself the king. I'd ban him.

High five, fellow Focus owner. Welcome to automotive paradise.

I would pay for Now TV if it wasn't for their completely fucking ludicrous Boost add on that you have to pay for to a) get stuff on HD and b) watch on more than one device simultaneously. Like just fuck off. I shouldn't have to pay extra for you to make it HD in 2024.

£1bn for the stadium, £2bn to gold plate it.

I'll let all the pretenders get it out of their system. Parade around in their crowns and sheriff's badges, and then I'll step up to the plate when you've all flamed out.

It's that sort of knowledge that makes him stand out as TT's top fanny licker.

He's TT Trump. A pussy grabbing, team in the wrong order putting, GODDAMN fool.

This is absolute nonsense. It's not Toontastic etiquette, nobody else does it, you've blown it.

Absolute amateur hour from Gloom here. Teams in the wrong order and invoking the name of the one true king in the thread title. I predict that he has just handed Everton a home win. The Liz Truss of thread starters.

About as easy a cup tie as you could hope for. Definitely easier than it should ever be at this stage of the competition. Now we just need Cole Palmer to get injured at the weekend.

Pope must know his days are numbered.

Amazing save there. Clean sheet secured.

Commentator reckons the crowd is shitting it about the Wimbledon threat.