Big Onion

Which stat lot do goals-to-minutes Mr P? I can't find that anywhere, although it has to be said I'm shite at searching

Yep. I've never argued he's anything other than a penalty-box finisher. I just maintain he's still very good at that, and it ought to be enough in a side like ours but our midfield is so utterly gash any striker would be struggling to play effectively in front of it.

A one-in-three conversion rate would put him right at the very top of the striking bracket - very few players get anywhere near that. Torres, for example, this season has 21 goals to 141 shots (21 to 59 when you only count shots on target). Owen has ten goals from 45 shots, 28 on target. His numbers stand up to any scrutiny, even now. He's simply not getting the chances man. Edit: I've counted Torres' international record in those numbers as I can't be arsed to subtract them; it makes no material difference.

About 80% of opinion on N-O is worthless His injury-related problems in the first half of last season did clearly affect his mobility and confidence; he was awful at times. Only bad spell he's ever had though and there's nowt wrong with his saving from distance. Still responsible for one of the best I've seen anywhere, ever - the one from Phillips.

I've made the point elsewhere but I still say it comes down to service, pure and simple. His conversion rate this season is statistically as good as ever. His dry spell has probably affected his confidence so he's now a player out of form, but I don't believe for a second he's a lesser player than he was last season, and he was pretty effective then. People are reading too much into him missing one sitter against Portsmouth in my opinion.

I think a pretty good case could be made for having Shay Given on that list. They got a right fucking bargain with him. Edited for mongness.

We're not represented by the Kinks or the Smiths ffs. Morrissey has come pretty close to being involved in the past. He loves all this shit: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6244153.stm

I saw this first time round when I was about six. And still vaguely remember doing so. My Auntie Margaret was babysitting me and I can recall her wetting herself in anticipation. I'm told I thought it was great and bopped away to it Cliff

I find him hard to assess for some reason. There've been times he's been on the pitch when I've forgot he's playing; on the other hand he's had some good moments and that goal the other day was important. He definitely looks more useful through the middle than wide anyway, and that's where he says he prefers to play. If it's a question of him or Shola then it's a no-brainer clearly.

There's a couple of fat blokes who drink in my local who I'd bet money you wouldn't dare mock to their faces, as they'd plaster you all over the nearest pavement

He looks like he's scared of it.

I'm all for taking the piss by the way - I think that's 50% of what forums are about. I need a deserving object though; fortunately there's no fucking shortage of them

Not talking about this particular thread now but making a broader point, I (and I'm sure everyone else here) go on other sites and I've seen more than one example of people who are guilty of nothing worse than being fat and/or ugly have the piss ripped out of them mercilessly on forums etc. The internet is a very cruel place, and I wouldn't like to see that happen to someone I know and care for. Not saying that's what's happening here obviously but it's a funny way some people get their kicks if you ask me, mocking innocent people for sport. It's not just kids either. Not that anything can be done about it like - it's just a question of your own personal standards I suppose. I don't even think my own are particularly high.

Precisely the point? It's a bit of a stretch to suggest that, because I don't feel comfortable laughing at the poor old hag, that I therefore ought to be prepared to shag it like

Kite Wood to turn over the favourite in the Dante today by the way. Heard a whisper

The golden rule is: those who know don't tell; those who tell don't know. I still back the odd fucking tip like

Either is fine: (From Englishpage.com) I use 'bet' and don't remember ever saying 'betted' actually. Couldn't give a fuck as long as they win

That's besides the fucking point

Never mind Tom's waffle. Judge the art, not the artist*. Street Spirit is a fucking class song. *Unless we're talking about U2 obviously who are just cunts and fair game in every respect

Someone's mother, someone's daughter, you know. Just one of life's casualties and an easy target. These things are easy to forget and I wouldn't claim to be immune from it myself. This subject always puts me in mind of November Spawned A Monster, one of the great man's greatest things. Perhaps I'll adopt the role of the Champion of the Unfortunate on here - I'm certainly ugly enough to make a convincing representative

Makes me feel uncomfortable when I see these images of ordinary people plastered all over the internet for no other good reason than they're easy to laugh at. Perhaps I'm just soft.

I think Shearer will continue to cajole him and get what he can from him till the end of the season, then (assuming AS stays) sack him off. And I hope that's precisely what he does as well.

Get in I've worked out this embedding shite! A taster for anyone who's interested and has ten to spare:

Betfred go 11/2, but they pride themselves on always being willing to take any money that's going against Manu, the cunts.

Not a bad shout at all that. 5/1's too big surely; I'll have a small nibble I think.