Toonraider 0 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 On transfer deadline day today Emile Heskey has been spotted at Newcastle. Though, to be fair, he was probably aiming for Middlesbrough Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Elton John was changing the nappy of his new son when he turned to his husband and said "He reminds me so much of you David" David says "Why, is it his cheeky little smile?" "No" replies Elton David asks "Is it his cute little nose?" "No, it's not that" says Elton David replies "Then it must be the colour of his eyes..?" "No," says Elton "he's got shit on his dick." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Besty 4 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 BBC News: Jo Yeates' body was missing sock How on Earth did the police mistake a discarded sock for a human body? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50776 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I've decided to have a marquee put up in my garden with some funky music & flashing lights in. Now is the winter of my disco tent.… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I've decided to have a marquee put up in my garden with some funky music & flashing lights in.Now is the winter of my disco tent.… *throws rotten fruit* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welsh Magpie 0 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I hear that the new Wilkinson Sword razor gives you instant rehydration as soon as you use it! It better not be misleading as its the only thing I've pack for my trek across the Sahara... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walliver 0 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Who invented the knock knock jokes? Two chaps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nyff 0 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I bought Bonnie Tyler's car last year on eBay. It's awful, every now and then it falls apart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WubbleUC 0 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I bought Bonnie Tyler's car last year on eBay. It's awful, every now and then it falls apart. Typical, bet you need it now tonight? And you need it more than ever? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac-Toon 1 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I bought Bonnie Tyler's car last year on eBay. It's awful, every now and then it falls apart. Typical, bet you need it now tonight? And you need it more than ever? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac-Toon 1 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 They don't like The Flinstones in Iraq. But in abidhabi the do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Posting jokes from a Jethro dvd advert. Funnier than the actual joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 43974 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 (edited) BBC News: Jo Yeates' body was missing a sock. Police won't confirm whether Heather Mills is helping with their inquiries. Edited January 6, 2011 by Howmanheyman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrBass 4205 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Conversation just after getting engaged: John: At last. I can hardly wait. Jane: Do you want me to leave? John: No. Don’t even think about it. Jane: Do you love me? John: Of course. Always have & always will. Jane: Have you ever cheated on me? John: No. Why are you even asking? Jane: Will you kiss me? John: Every chance I get. Jane: Will you ever hit me? John: Hell no. Are you crazy? Jane: Can I trust you? John: Yes! Jane: Darling. For the same conversation a year after getting married read the above from bottom to top. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welsh Magpie 0 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 My scouse mate was sending in a loan application today. He said, "I have a good credit history, I think I'll walk it." "But you're from Liverpool," I said. "You'll never walk a loan." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 6705 Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 When I was a kid I loved playing battleships, but I was so poor I had to play a makeshift version using pieces of paper.It was shit, everytime my brother said "A4" he sank my entire fleet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 6705 Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 What do you call an Australian who's good with a bat? A vet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 6705 Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 I had a fight with a man on some moving stairs todayWe started arguing at the bottom, and things just escalated from there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 6705 Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 My mate just got busted trying to steal Chocolate bars from a shop by concealing them in his jacket.I wonder if he's got any more twix up his sleeve? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 6705 Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 A bloke walks into WH Smiths and asks' Do you have that new self-help book for men with small cocks?' Girl at the counter replies 'I Don't think it's in yet'' Yeah- That's the one!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50776 Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 A couple of years ago I pulled an 18 yr old lass. She said she'd heard older guys were like fine wine- got better with age. I told her with me it's because I spent a long time horizontal in the cellar, which she didn't understand. She fucking understands now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shackbleep 0 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 The RSPCA are investigating complaints of 11 donkeys being badly beaten in Blackpool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolly Potter MD 0 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Two fish swim into a wall of cement. One says to the other...... 'dam'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToonMarshy 2 Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 How can you tell when Will Smith has been playing in the Snow?! . .. . . . . . . . . Fresh Prints.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 6705 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I was arguing with my girlfriend in Nando's the other day when my best mate came over, grabbed the garlic bread and coleslaw from our table and ran off. I wish he would stop taking sides. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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