AgentAxeman 82 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Someone asked me today what nasal sex was............. .........I said fuck knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6434 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Someone asked me today what nasal sex was............. .........I said fuck knows. Don't call me fuck nose, cunt face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Idioteque 0 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Paddy says to Mick "I'm getting operated on tomorrow" Mick Replies "Oh what are you having done? Paddy says "Circumcision" Mick Says "I had that done when i was a few days old" Paddy asks "Did it hurt?" Mick says " I couldn't walk for a year!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Idioteque 0 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 A shop assistant dared to ask me why I needed 20 pots of Tipp-Ex this morning. Big mistake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shackbleep 0 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Sian Massey is the new face of Just For Men. She was used once and now the Gray is gone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentAxeman 82 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Saw 2 bits of sellotape stuck on a lampost this morning................... ..............must have been a missing poster! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeeForce 0 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 A Mackem Lass, a geordie lass and an african lass all gave birth at the same time but the nurse gets them all mixed up. To sort it out she gets all the fathers to chose their own baby. Geordie father is uo first, after long deliberation he chooses the black baby. The nurse argues with him that this baby cannot possibly be theirs. He replies "Pet, one of the other two is a mackem and it's just not worth taking the fucking risk" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16636 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 A Mackem Lass, a geordie lass and an african lass all gave birth at the same time but the nurse gets them all mixed up. To sort it out she gets all the fathers to chose their own baby. Geordie father is uo first, after long deliberation he chooses the black baby. The nurse argues with him that this baby cannot possibly be theirs. He replies "Pet, one of the other two is a mackem and it's just not worth taking the fucking risk" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JawD 31 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Elton John is changing his new bairns nappy when he turns to his partner and says "He reminds me so much of you David". David replies "Is it because of his cute little nose and cheeky smile?". "No" Says Elton, "Its because he's got shit all over his cock". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JawD 31 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Just bought Fifa 2012. Its fucking class! When the misses picks up the controller, Andy Grey shouts "Get back in the fucking kitchen!". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeeForce 0 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 My girlfriend wasn't impressed with my new memory foam mattress. I think it was the imprints of me, a 9 year old boy and a donkey that made her mind up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeeForce 0 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Elton John is changing his new bairns nappy when he turns to his partner and says "He reminds me so much of you David". David replies "Is it because of his cute little nose and cheeky smile?". "No" Says Elton, "Its because he's got shit all over his cock". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 A Council Estate in suunderland was evacuated today after a suspicious object was found. Close examination by security forces revealed that it was a payslip ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26822 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 One day young Johnny went round the Chemists to buy something. After loitering for a few minutes waiting for a couple of old dears to get their prescriptions he approached the Chemist, "Err, packet of tunes, please." "Certainly", replied the Chemist, "Anything else?" "Err....Well, emm..." "Ho'way son, spit it out", said the Chemist. "Can I have a packet of Condoms, please. I'm on a promise tonight with my new girlfriend if I behave myself when we have dinner with her folks", replied the youngster. With that, the Chemist supplied the would be Romeo with his blobs, (I mean 'protection') and the lad paid him and went to leave the shop. "Good luck!" the Chemist said, smiling as the lad got to the door before giving him a conspiratorial wink. That night Johnny got to his new girlfriends house and was lead straight to the table. "Don't forget to look like you're respectful of the Lord when the dinners dished out, Johnny, you know my Parents are religious". Johnny sits down next to his lass whilst the Mam and Dad come in from the kitchen. Johnny then lowers his head as the Father begins to thank the Lord for their lovely tea. When he finishes the Lass notices Johnny is still looking down. She leans over and whispers, "Johnny, that was really great, but you can look up now. I never realised you were so respectful". Johnny whispered back with his head still lowered, "And I never knew your Father was a fucking Chemist!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 8989 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I wonder if the London Wasps have a B team? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonraider 0 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 (edited) I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!' Someone broke into my house last night and stole my dictionary and scrabble game. I'm lost for words Edited June 7, 2011 by Toonraider Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonraider 0 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Will glass coffins ever catch on? Remains to be seen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6434 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Geordio Armani Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 my missus said to me the other day "your always pushing me around and talking behind my back" I said "your in a wheelchair you stupid cunt" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38756 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I had the worst Nightmare last night, It didn't scare me at all. I bought a new aftershave today, It smells of breadcrumbs.. The birds love it! Later, I'm going to be the brightest star in the night sky. What?? I'm Sirius. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveTheBobby 1 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I had the worst Nightmare last night,It didn't scare me at all. I bought a new aftershave today, It smells of breadcrumbs.. The birds love it! Later, I'm going to be the brightest star in the night sky. What?? I'm Sirius. if thats your bag y wanna check out Milton Jones' stuff . much more watchable than tim vines similar type material Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38756 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I shall be youtubing Milton presently LTB. Thankyee Sah! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 8989 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Also try Stewart Francis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38756 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Also try Stewart Francis It's Friday, it's 5oclock… Only jesting Fishy Old Boy, the Canadian chap? He's very good. Me likey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveTheBobby 1 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) Also try Stewart Francis aye he very good too. every time see his name i can never escape the damn Crackerjack connotations !? edit - clashed ! Edited June 17, 2011 by LoveTheBobby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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