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i've posted this story before but its a corka & its true so here we go again..

 

if i can take you back to christmas 2002 when i was a 27 yr old sexual tyranasaurus i was diagnosed with having irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) after having to suffer the indignity of having what felt like a panasonic 13" lensed video camera poked up my chutny tube in the freeman hospital.

 

anyway the (IBS) would play absolute havoc with my motions, 1 day my stools would resemble picnic bars & the next red-hot peanut butter..

belive me, wen u had to go u had to fuckin go..

 

so at the begining of december i got lucky with some random heavy lass from low fell while out on a saturday night doon buffalo joe's (quayside).. i took her mobile number the following morning & left expecting never to see the fat cunt again.. how wrong i was..!

 

a week before christmas & it was time for our annual works night out, my best mate at graft lives in low fell & i somehow ended up back in his flat at about 1am, after having a smoke it suddenly struck me that "shirley crabtree" who i'd earlier "surfed" only lived around the corner.

 

out came the mobile & after a very breif conversation i found myself naked in "embergs" bedroom with her sitting on top of me almost smothercating me with her mounds of flab..

after an hour or so of riding, down she went to play a sweet tune on my purple headed flute when all of a sudden i felt a rocket from the crypt in the anal department.!

 

i muttered the immortal words "oot the road flower, the damn walls are gonna blow" .. i made my way to the shithoose to see mr & mrs brown off to the coast before returning to finish wot me & "andy fordham" had begun..

 

after blowing my beans all over "mcmanus's" tits we both rolled over & fell into a deep sleep........ 6am & i wake up......jesus christ.!!  either the IBS has made a silent protest in the dead of the night or this fat twat has had a shit inside my undercrackers for a laugh..!!

 

i quitely got up, cleaned myself down in the bathroom, got dressed & made a sharp exit, in the past wen i've took a bird home i normally hang around in the morning hoping for a "dawn strike" & a bit breakfast, but not this time..

bought myself a toblerone at the post office then jumped on a bus to warsick street..!!

 

i then deleted "rik waller's" number & have never seen her to this day which i'm glad about.. i mean how would i explain leaving her bed covered in shite?

 

i'm sure you'll all be glad to know that the IBS has now passed, leaving my rusty button as tight as a balloon knot!!

 

 

HAPPY DAYS    B)

79144[/snapback]

 

 

If my memeory serves me correctly the reason you're arse became as slack as a snake belt during the night was due to having some thai love beads inserted earlier on in the evening.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong :yes

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Isn't that sneezing with your eyes open, or does that just make your eyes pop out?

 

Snarts don't kill, or I'd be dead.

79241[/snapback]

 

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

 

Should you ever be unfortunate to be involved in car accident, say you sneezed and you were thus forced to close your eyes. It counts as an 'act of god'.

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Isn't that sneezing with your eyes open, or does that just make your eyes pop out?

 

Snarts don't kill, or I'd be dead.

79241[/snapback]

 

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

 

Should you ever be unfortunate to be involved in car accident, say you sneezed and you were thus forced to close your eyes. It counts as an 'act of god'.

79430[/snapback]

 

What would happen if someone stapled yuor eyelids to your forehead? And then you sneezed...

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Guest alex
Isn't that sneezing with your eyes open, or does that just make your eyes pop out?

 

Snarts don't kill, or I'd be dead.

79241[/snapback]

 

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

 

Should you ever be unfortunate to be involved in car accident, say you sneezed and you were thus forced to close your eyes. It counts as an 'act of god'.

79430[/snapback]

 

What would happen if someone stapled yuor eyelids to your forehead? And then you sneezed...

79440[/snapback]

It would hurt.

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Isn't that sneezing with your eyes open, or does that just make your eyes pop out?

 

Snarts don't kill, or I'd be dead.

79241[/snapback]

 

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

 

Should you ever be unfortunate to be involved in car accident, say you sneezed and you were thus forced to close your eyes. It counts as an 'act of god'.

79430[/snapback]

 

What would happen if someone stapled yuor eyelids to your forehead? And then you sneezed...

79440[/snapback]

I'm guessing the conjunctiva would be strong enough to hold them in although I wouldn't recommend you trying it out.

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If you sneeze with your eyes open you're quite likely to burst blood vessels in your eyes. Not nice.

79513[/snapback]

 

Isn't that straining too hard to get that last drop out? Only on here could that comment turn into a vaguely serious conversation! ;)

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Isn't that sneezing with your eyes open, or does that just make your eyes pop out?

 

Snarts don't kill, or I'd be dead.

79241[/snapback]

 

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

 

Should you ever be unfortunate to be involved in car accident, say you sneezed and you were thus forced to close your eyes. It counts as an 'act of god'.

79430[/snapback]

 

What would happen if someone stapled yuor eyelids to your forehead? And then you sneezed...

79440[/snapback]

It would hurt.

79442[/snapback]

LMAO ;);):rolleyes::(:razz:

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Guest alex
If you sneeze with your eyes open you're quite likely to burst blood vessels in your eyes. Not nice.

79513[/snapback]

I wish I'd known that when I was young.

"Have you been smoking wacky baccy again?"

"No mam, I sneezed with my eyes open" ;)

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i've posted this story before but its a corka & its true so here we go again..

 

if i can take you back to christmas 2002 when i was a 27 yr old sexual tyranasaurus i was diagnosed with having irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) after having to suffer the indignity of having what felt like a panasonic 13" lensed video camera poked up my chutny tube in the freeman hospital.

 

anyway the (IBS) would play absolute havoc with my motions, 1 day my stools would resemble picnic bars & the next red-hot peanut butter..

belive me, wen u had to go u had to fuckin go..

 

so at the begining of december i got lucky with some random heavy lass from low fell while out on a saturday night doon buffalo joe's (quayside).. i took her mobile number the following morning & left expecting never to see the fat cunt again.. how wrong i was..!

 

a week before christmas & it was time for our annual works night out, my best mate at graft lives in low fell & i somehow ended up back in his flat at about 1am, after having a smoke it suddenly struck me that "shirley crabtree" who i'd earlier "surfed" only lived around the corner.

 

out came the mobile & after a very breif conversation i found myself naked in "embergs" bedroom with her sitting on top of me almost smothercating me with her mounds of flab..

after an hour or so of riding, down she went to play a sweet tune on my purple headed flute when all of a sudden i felt a rocket from the crypt in the anal department.!

 

i muttered the immortal words "oot the road flower, the damn walls are gonna blow" .. i made my way to the shithoose to see mr & mrs brown off to the coast before returning to finish wot me & "andy fordham" had begun..

 

after blowing my beans all over "mcmanus's" tits we both rolled over & fell into a deep sleep........ 6am & i wake up......jesus christ.!!  either the IBS has made a silent protest in the dead of the night or this fat twat has had a shit inside my undercrackers for a laugh..!!

 

i quitely got up, cleaned myself down in the bathroom, got dressed & made a sharp exit, in the past wen i've took a bird home i normally hang around in the morning hoping for a "dawn strike" & a bit breakfast, but not this time..

bought myself a toblerone at the post office then jumped on a bus to warsick street..!!

 

i then deleted "rik waller's" number & have never seen her to this day which i'm glad about.. i mean how would i explain leaving her bed covered in shite?

 

i'm sure you'll all be glad to know that the IBS has now passed, leaving my rusty button as tight as a balloon knot!!

 

 

HAPPY DAYS     :yes

79144[/snapback]

 

 

If my memeory serves me correctly the reason you're arse became as slack as a snake belt during the night was due to having some thai love beads inserted earlier on in the evening.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong :rolleyes:

79407[/snapback]

 

cant argue with you on that 1 wacky, thought i'd keep that bit to myself...

 

would hate to lower the tone on this thread..

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