Jimbo

Would you like a spoon for that? aye Jimbo, left cheek first please Just heating up some extra virgin olive oil in the pan at the moment, now where did I put the Creme fraiche ?

I'm not convinced Keegan had any say in any of the signings.

Nice one for Guthrie, he deserved that

He sounds like it during his interviews

Happy birthday Michael ! 0 - 1 !

*glances at the table* nope, you're wrong.

What are the chances of some twatish changes at half-time ?

How anoying is that fucking bell !

butt is going out of his way to gift them a penalty today

Portsmouth: James, Pamarot, Campbell, Distin, Belhadj, Mvuemba, Davis, Hughes, Kranjcar, Crouch, Defoe. Subs: Ashdown, Lauren, Hreidarsson, Nugent, Kanu, Armand Traore, Wilson. Newcastle: Given, Beye, Bassong, Coloccini, Jose Enrique, Gutierrez, Butt, Guthrie, N'Zogbia, Martins, Owen. Subs: Harper, Cacapa, Duff, Geremi, Ameobi, Taylor, Viduka. Referee: Chris Foy (Merseyside).

Actress Kathy Staff, who played Nora Batty in long-running BBC One sitcom Last Of The Summer Wine, has died. The 80-year-old, who was born in Dukinfield, Greater Manchester, also played cleaner Doris Luke in long-running ITV soap Crossroads. She also appeared in Emmerdale Farm, Coronation Street, and with David Jason and Ronnie Barker in Open All Hours. Last of the Summer Wine producer Alan Bell told BBC News the actress had been ill for some time. "We're distraught, but we have very fond memories of her," he said. Battleaxe Nora Batty proved to be her most enduring character. She appeared in 243 episodes of the Yorkshire-based comedy, beginning in the very first episode in January 1973. She made her last appearance in August. Mr Bell said she often yearned for her character to be more gentle. "She would play a scene quite gently, and I'd say, 'But Kathy, you've got to harden up, because that's who we all love, the hard, tough Nora Batty.' "And she said, 'Why can't I be just soft and gentle at times?' And I said, 'Maybe some time we will.' "She was such a good lady, she was religious, she would never do anyone any harm. "But above all that, she was thoroughly professional."

Nice

Happy Birthday

HOUNDED away from the club which has drained him of the best part of £300million, Mike Ashley should be a bitter man. Embroiled in a legal battle with a living Tyneside legend, Ashley should be regretting the day he wrote a cheque to the Halls and Freddy Shepherd. Squeezed by the credit crunch and unable to sell a prime Premier League asset, Ashley should be wondering why he ever got involved in football. But he is not. “I’ve made mistakes, sure,” he says. “But do I regret buying Newcastle? Absolutely not. “I had a fantastic year owning a fantastic club. It really was like someone fulfilling their boyhood dream. “Up to a point, I enjoyed every minute of it.” That point, of course, came when Ashley decided he was no longer welcome at St James’ Park. Or, indeed, no longer safe. That is why he was in Barbados last weekend rather than in the directors’ box watching the latest stage of Joe Kinnear's salvage mission. He texts Kinnear after every game and is impressed with the job he is doing. When I saw Joe recently, he told me of his desire to see Ashley back up in the St James’ stands. “I would love to see Mike back here for a match. He is a man who is passionate about football and passionate about this club,” Kinnear said. And in the past couple of weeks, there have been conciliatory noises from supporters' groups who realise that selling Newcastle in these trying economic times is not going to be a formality. When I caught up with Ashley in the Caribbean, he was non-commital on returning to watch the team he bankrolls. But privately, he has told friends that he cannot see a day when he is welcomed back in Newcastle. In the wake of Keegan’s resignation, some of the letters and e-mails from outraged fans were so threatening that Ashley was genuinely concerned about his family’s safety. And that is why he believes he has no option but to press ahead with the sale of the club. But it is not proving easy. “I have not had a single credible bid,” he told me. There has, of course, been interest from various consortiums from different parts of the globe — but none of it concrete. And on the day we spoke, Ashley had heard the whispers of a Pini Zahavi-led group being keen to get round the negotiating table. “Someone told me they had been interested in Portsmouth and West Ham,” Ashley said. “Why would we be third on the list? We are a much bigger club than those two.” Ashley won’t publicly discuss the asking price but he is prepared to leave without a profit. In the meantime, he has given his backing to Kinnear, who now has a contract until the end of the season. Masterplan And he could even personally intervene if discussions with stars such as Michael Owen and Nicky Butt — both out of contract at the end of the season — do not show any signs of reaching a positive conclusion. “I’m still desperate for the club to succeed,” insisted Ashley. But that is unlikely to extend to a massive transfer fund for Kinnear when the transfer window opens at the start of next month. But lavish spending on big-name players was never part of Ashley’s masterplan when he took over back in June of 2007. “That was never going to be the way we would do things,” he said. “We had a long-term strategy.” Some people clearly didn’t understand the scheme. And whatever the strategy, it went awry when Keegan walked out and Ashley — along with Dennis Wise — became the biggest villain in Toon, with angry mobs demonstrating against him outside St James’ Park. I was one of Ashley's harshest critics but talking to him over a drink, you realise that he is just a very rich enthusiast who got into football for pure and simple fun. “I loved it,” he said. “Of course, I’ve made mistakes but we all have.” Keegan is claiming huge compensation from Newcastle and it appears that Ashley will fight it. But he will not say a bad word against Keegan. Instead, he will support Kinnear as best he can as the interim manager tries to stave off the nightmare prospect of relegation to the Championship. Kinnear takes his team on the long trip to Portsmouth today knowing that he needs to start turning draws into victories if they are to secure some breathing space in the lower half of the table. Difficult And he needs to sort out the future of Owen in particular as a matter of urgency. It now seems certain that the striker will let his contract run down and would be free to move on a free transfer next summer. Indeed, he is free to talk to other teams next month. The England striker will want to know the direction of the club before he considers committing himself to it. And that could mean that Owen’s future is linked directly with Ashley’s ability to sell the club. In the current climate, that might prove difficult but it is clear that even if he has to hang on to Newcastle, Ashley will still strive to make sure it regains its place as one of the Premier League’s top clubs. Even if he never sets foot in the place ever again.

tbh

How did we nearly miss that one ! Happy 76th !

I actually think he'll go on a free. And if he does, I'm guessing he'll be the most expensive player ever to move on for nowt. I think Mendieta has that honour. £22m from Valencia to Lazio, then to Barca on a Free iirc. Didn't he win the Champions League? Not with Valencia, lost it twice iirc though. Bless Jonny.... you're obviously not old skool enough 99 shirt ?

Just found this

If Eggnog wins I'm on the roof.