Meenzer

8 points off the leaders isn't too bad. True. I think it's more like 14 though? Either way, seven draws in the first twelve games says it all really.

"Strong language and sexual references throughout." Sky's TV guide, the masters of understatement as ever.

I had a superbly irrational fear of that game on The Price Is Right where you have to get the mountaineer to the peak of the mountain without falling off the other side. I just couldn't stay in the room and watch it. I have no idea why.

Mainz are so fucked. (Hamburg ain't looking too grand either.)

Yep, but now imagine the taste of it when it would be put in a tin... Gepwnt.

I miss AC/DC Man from the Mayfair. They'd stick on an Acca Dacca track early doors, before the place properly filled up, and he'd do this manic half-skip, half-run around the dancefloor whilst playing air guitar and doing the vinegar-strokes axe-solo grimace. For the entire song. We gave him a round of applause once and he stared us out as if he was going to kill us.

When your national dish is seasoned innards, sawdust and floor scrapings fashioned into a phallic shape and wrapped in skin, I'd say that gives you precious little room for debate.

The Beavis & Butt-head and South Park movies were even better than the series that spawned them, so I'm hopeful, though I suppose there's a far bigger body of work to live up to in this case. EDIT: Mind, nothing should ever dare take on the sheer comedy cheese of Hot Shots: Part Deux's Iraq-and-a-hard-place gag.

Tuna, I suppose. But only when combined with pasta, slices of red and green peppers, a good dollop of pesto and some parmesan and black pepper to finish, so I'm not sure that strictly counts.

Continuing the feline theme, with the usual apologies if this is a re-post PLEASE DON'T SHUN ME etc.

I'm always damp when I'm near you Or is it cos I'm incontinent

I love the smell of a damp Bobby Shinton.

Ah crap.

Actually, do you reckon getting "RELEGATION 07" on a shirt would go down well?

How do you freestyle John Barnes? You've got to hold and give, but do it at the right time.

Fucking hell.

M I R A N D H

has some remarkable stuff in his mind

Adequately diverting.

has got a bad case of resurrection today

Never mind "settle", if they offered me a draw I'd bite their bloody hand off.

Have to confess I hadn't heard of it, but since it's by the same fella who was behind L.I.E., I suppose I'd best check it out.

Oo, good spot re the Aristocrats. Video duly set (how very last-century).

Is that some new gay euphamism??? Nah, that'd be mount the... ....hey, waaaait a minute.