Renton

Some edits because it was spouting shite, for example it was convinced Klopp is still their manager. But of course really all from the mind of Dazzler. Upload his story, and there you go. I'll claim credit for the last 2 verses.

I will fulfil your wish. The Carabao final, a sunlit affair, “Howay the lads” fills the air. The Toon army are glorious in black and white, A battle ahead, a glorious fight. Arnold Slot, with a tactical mind, Stood on the touchline, arms aligned. But oh! The sun—so cruel, so bold— Bounced off his head like liquid gold. It struck Mo Salah, curled and proud, A flickering ember within the crowd. With panic set and fear in sight, His hair ignited, a beacon bright! He reached for water, his fate to mend, From a Geordie lad, who is not a friend. But alas, the bottle—oh, what a shine! Purest poison—Newcastle moonshine! The flames roared up, a crimson crown, As Salah staggered, stumbling down. Alisson, eager to lend a hand, Flapped at the flames with shovel hands grand. Yet each great gust, each mighty blow, Fanned the inferno to heights unknown! Trent dashed forth, extinguisher drawn, But oh! A black label — a rule was torn. The wrong device! The ref turned red, A flashing card, and Trent had fled. Salah, singed, was swiftly switched, As Slot, enraged, stood sorely twitched. Without Salah surely it was time, For the toon to win and be divine, Alas two Darwin goals, the fucking cunt, Aided by VAR, a fucking affront. And so it was, on that cursed day, That Salah burned, yet the scouse still held sway. And worse still due to Carragher’s raves, 10 fans drowned in his saliva waves.

Leave him alone. He only started his new job in the area this week. He is struggling to integrate.

Now I'm creeped out.

what a prick. You've Ratnered yourself mate, it's fucked. Don't worry though, even if you lose 99.99999% of your wealth you'll still have enough to OD on ketamine 10,000 times over.

Trump double tariff double down. Oh my.

The state of these pricks. Yeah, Trump buying a Tesla will definitely turn Tesla's fortune around in Canada, China, and Europe. I love he is basically de facto calling the majority of the world radical left lunatics. Tesla is finished as a brand, it's gone hyper-Ratner.

Trouble is, we know who will benefit from buying these shares when they hit rock bottom.

Genuinely cheered me up. And Rubio is was one of the more normal ones.

Am watching American Primeval on Netflix, loving it. It is ridiculously grim so far. Btw, to save money I've gone down to the £5 advert package and it's not too bad. Severance on Apple, I am increasingly unsure of. Started off intriguing, got a bit boring, picked up at the end of S1, and now it's just giving vibes of trying to be too clever. I see there is an S3 placeholder on IMDb and I'm thinking is this another Lost scenario? No fixed narrative arc? Honestly feels like the whole thing could have been a feature length Black Mirror to me or at least 1 series if they had wanted. We'll see.

Aye, just seen it on the Guardian (The Manchester United paper). https://www.theguardian.com/football/2025/mar/11/manchester-united-new-stadium-next-to-old-trafford-norman-foster Looks like something suited to Dubai to me, absolute shite. I cannot see anyway this could economically viable outside one of the World's megacities. They're sacking half their non-football jobs to save money as it is. Will be a disaster, hopefully.

Apologies, but one more . Here is LTA.

Oops, forgot one of the original contributors. @Kid Dynamite Collage is too full now but here you gaan anyway.

Aye, loads. I find it easier now tbh than face to face ones. Use two monitors, and keep vital information and prompts on the second to help you (although you probably won't have time to use it). The worst thing for me has been the formality of them all, found it really hard to make any rapport with the interviewers, although that could have been me or just them being dour cunts. Oh aye, and don't bother wearing trousers.

Put here for traffic. I will probably be losing access to my ChatGPT soon what with my new job and NHS austerity, so I thought I make a loving compendium collage to all you toontasticers out there before they're lost to history entirely. Sorry if you're not on but there's not enough space for you all or possibly I can't think of a single interesting thing about you . Anyway, most have been posted but there's some new ones too @Alex @Isegrim @sammynb @Meenzer @ewerk. @wykikitoon was the easiest to do, he's on 3 times but really, they were all too good to be deleted .

At the same sitting.

His hatred of Zellenskyy is at least partly motivated by the Hunter Biden laptop fiasco. Increasingly it's looking like his raison detre is mainly based on petty grudges and revenge. The whole course of history is being changed because this orange prick is so thin skinned and vengeful. I'm always interested in sliding doors moments in history. So many to choose from. But surely that bullet missing his melon head by only millimetres is the ultimate example. In another universe, his head exploded and the world is a much different place.

Tbf he has proof.

He fucking loves his own voice doesn't he? I've heard so many theories this week as to why he behaves like he does. One of the most plausible is that he's treating all this as a gameshow and still thinks viewing figures are the key metric to his presidency. Even after last Friday's debacle, he made the comment that he bet those watching on TV loved it iirc. I get pathological narcissism is a thing. I just don't get how anyone could vote for it.

Erm, you're the adult. Do as I say, not as I do, now fuck of you little parasitic shit. 👍 I read 2 or 3 books a year nowadays, on holiday. Don't know how anyone has time to read a book a week like. When do you do it? A couple of other things. I've got a horrible tendency to scan read and then 10 minutes later I realise I haven't really taken anything in and I need to reread the last 2 pages. Think it's because for work I read so many papers I just scan for key facts. Secondly, tbh most books start off well and end shit imo. Rare you get a novel with a great narrative arc. Same is true for TV series I guess.

You know that utter rubbish Trump spouted about $8 million being spent on "transgender" mice (clearly mistaking the research for transgenic mice)? The fuckers doubling down on it on the official White House website. https://www.whitehouse.gov/articles/2025/03/yes-biden-spent-millions-on-transgender-animal-experiments/ When science get politicised to this extent with the politicians clearly not understanding their arse from their elbow, you're fucked. The US will lose its place as a science superpower. Honestly, trying to argue with MAGA reminds me of conversations with LeazesMag.

This has got to be massively damaging and I can't see it being reversible. I think Tesla outside the States are finished. Even in the US I'd think many people will boycott the brand. I can only assume the UK being an outlier is down to pre-sales, or us just being cunts. Also in further good news for Musk cunt, his SpaceX rocket exploded yesterday. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj92wgeyvzzo

More insanity, it's hard to keep up! https://x.com/ReallyAmerican1/status/1897771888010575990?ref_src=twsrc^tfw|twcamp^tweetembed|twterm^1897771888010575990|twgr^7d75b8eaedd441c1ae76164886672af557070999|twcon^s1_c10&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.readytogo.net%2Fsmb%2Fthreads%2Fthe-trump-thread.1637230%2Fpage-711

I don't understand any of this. But here's hoping.