Renton

Ah fuck. Hopefully it'll be all the more funny when they fuck up against Watford.

It's been a shit weekend for results. I mean, we're safe so should be able to sit back and enjoy this. But I'm just getting pissed off. I DEMAND MY WELL EARNED SCHAUDENFREUDE NOW.

Think this is the only time in my life I've wanted Chelsea to win anything. I guess in a way they are comfortably "midtable" in the CL places with fuck all to play for. Cunts.

They do it about us too man. Everton are a pretty significant club and Goodison does have heritage. It's not like they're talking about Sinderland and some flat pack shit tip.

Don't think this Chelsea side is worth 2 billion quid like. Maybe if they bull doze Stamford bridge for luxury flats and get them relocated to Hemel Hempstead.

Oh ffs! Credit to T Rex there like. And afuckinggain.

Wtf is wrong with Chelsea here? It's like the carpet lover has done a deal with his former club. Fucking awful to watch.

Watching the game here, Gordon, Richardson, Pickford what was I thinking? Howay Chelsea!

This is how I feel too. Wierd thing is I don't actually hate Everton that much, I hate Leeds much more. But Leeds can wait for next year, you feel its now or never for Everrton. Then you have to add fat Frank in for the shits and giggles. BUT does this mean I want Chelsea to win ffs? AND even after all that, uou have to factor in I don't want @Gemmill to be right or given any credit whatsoever. So aye, im a bit ambivalent and confused here.

I'd let Matty go but I would give Sean a bit longer to prove himself. He looked veey promising 3 years ago. Good to have some lads from Shields playing, Sam Fender might do a job on the wing too.

Apparently Phillips is no longer deserving of the Phillipsy moniker. Loosing your y is the ultimate shame for a mackem hero. Pray for Quinny and Bally.

One fan was enough surely.

Thanks mate, and to all. I absolutely will keep it up. Fairly convinced I hit a nadir last week, and if I stay physically healthy, I'll get back. As long as no other bugger dies in the near future, anyway.

I'm feeling much better Craig. Took the weekend to rest, and then hit work with a vengeance on Monday, achieved more in 3 days than I had in the previous month. Was a needed distraction, plus relieved a fair bit of stress relating to work performance. Finding my councillor pretty hopeless though tbh and getting access to what I need on the NHS is very slow (GP cancelled my appointment last minute). In the meantime I am now firmly looking after myself, avoiding alcohol completely, eating healthy food, and exercising. I've almost got too much energy now though and still not sleeping well. It will come. Anyway, going to the funeral in Glasgow on Wednesday and will be a pall bearer for the second time in 2 months, 3rd time in about a year. Sounds daft but I'm worried about this because mu uncle was a big man, although I gather he lost a lot of weight since Christmas. Just hoping I don't drop him!

Dry heaving in front of your kids. Not a great look. Had 4 pints last night, not a huge amount for me, drank slowly, so think this is stress and anxiety rather than just drink. GP wants.to see me on Tuesday so I guess my bloods aren't great. Feel so fucking low. The quicker I get on the mend the better. What an idiot I am. The one piece of advice everyone has given me is look after yourself. Then I do the opposite. Can't eat or even hold down water right now. Oh shit.

Two things. Its Iain! (scottish) and honestly, I thank you all so much. And third thing Craig, it's great to have you back. But honestly, there's people on this very board that have gone through much worse than this. Maybe you even. I was talking to Mrs Rents a lot tonight (which is a constant I appreciate you haven't had, even though we are struggling) and we were listing all the shit we've had. Both severely have ill sisters with extreme mental health problems, and severe ramifications from that. One dead, one in the US who honesty might be dead. Then loads of other shit which just wrecks your lives as partners. Nephew crippled in a bus crash. The list just goes on and on. I don't think I'm that unusual in this, as REM says, everybody hurts. If it's not you now, then it's in the post anyway. The human condition. What we are. Sorry, rambling now, definitely logging off now.

It's a fair point like. It is chicken and egg. I personally think alcohol is a major issue for me, but not the causative one, if that makes sense. If i don't drink for weeks, I'm flat. Not happy, not really unhappy. No joy, no bad sadness either. Fucking love feeling okay every morning though, that is a huge bonus. But if I drink, I suffer cut my own wrists depression in the morning. Even after a couple nowadays. But I love it when I'm drinking, I feel fucking great. So it's a roller coaster, but my God the lows are so low and much longer than the highs. Personally I think everything you do in life has to be balanced. If it's taking more from you than it gives, don't do it. I'm at that stage now. Meenz got there years ago clearly, ot maybe was more self aware. Another thing. Stopping drinking is much easier than moderating. It's a twat of a drug, available everywhere. Its powerful. Compared to other drugs its consumed in insane molar quantities. That makes it dangerous. Well, off to bed now. Will I have crippling insomnia tonight? Probably. Might last days. Got to be done though. Not looking forward to it.

Good point. Got my last drink in front of me now. Its obviously not my last drink like. I know I will relapse. I always do. But the time frames get longer. Don't know what it was like for you Meenz, but half the time I am more obsessed by not drinking than fucking drinking. 57 days without a drink! Cool, I clearly don't have a problem. But the fact I'm obsessed and count every day shows I am. Being "normal" like my friends doesn't cut it any more. There's a difference. Half genetic, half acquired with me. Your experience has been pretty invaluable today to me. I'll take it all on board. Sincere thanks. And everyone else.

Thanks so much. Yes, times have changed. I've opened up to my wife, my best "RL" mate and my mum this afternoon alone. And you guys too, obviously. Having said that I'm drinking moderately tonight to get me through this. Will make me worse tomorrow but needs must. Tomorrow I'll start my recovery. Again. I actually need people who know me to say what the fuck are you doing? My mum and wife will certainly do this, as will my mates. One question though I have is how the hell do you go out "on the piss on" soft drinks. Apart from anything else, I can't drink more than two soft drinks. And no meal lasts longer than a couple of hours. Beer, my capacity is seemingly infinite. Coffee. One max. One other question, do I fess up to my GP and what are the repercussions of this? Insurance etc. Mind, I've just had a full blood screen so will take it from there I guess. I reckon my liver may be a bit fucked right now but doubt its irreparable considering my frequent alcohol holidays. I'll figure it out.

Cheers. Had a long talk to my mate and my mum. Course of action is to seek help immediately from the GP, do whatever I need to do to quit the booze fot good, and concentrate on my relationships. Today will be the hardest day for me. I'm rattling like fuck now. Hope I still have a job next week, I've been useless this year so far. I fucking hate myself truth be told but I know I'm loved by those who matter. Cheers all.

Cheers Meenzer. I always admired your honesty in these matters. I've just gone to the shops to replace a bottle of Bailey's I caned last night so the wife won't know. And what do you know, I’ve drank a third of of it already to "cure" my symptoms. Working out the ABV and trying to work out when I will be safe to drive to Scotland now. I'm going to feel like hell later. That's for sure. About a year ago I realised that what I was feeling after a session wasn't a hangover any more, it was withdrawal. Two days on the drink or more gets me into this state. Dry heaves, anxiety, crippling depression. At my worst I get sweats and palpitations. Never any shakes so far though. But aye, it's time to stop. Will check out SMART recovery I think. Its crazy. On paper I have everything going for me. But in reality I just can't cope. The only positive I have is I can give up for months at a time, and actually really quite enjoy these periods. But then I get overwhelming cravings and self destruct. Doesn't help that alcohol is everywhere either. Got a works do in 2 weeks and will have to make excuses. Not looking forward to it.

And that's the wrong Carr!

Carr reckons the pleasure from drinking is an illusion. Fuck off man. He also reckons his method isn't will power based. It is. Worst book I have ever read, made me want to drink more.

Even read Allen Carrs book. What a pile of shite that was.