ClubSpinDoctor

We need two more senior strikers for me. I almost feel like we're going to be forced into a 1 striker/number 10 formation because we're too tight to sign what we need.

We've made a couple of okay signings but I honestly think we're going to be absolute garbage next year. If SDJ and RC/Sissoko are playing number 10 and a wide roles respectively, in the middle we've got Tiote/Anita/Colback - what can any of them do aside from tidy short sideways passes? No goal threat or great range of passing. Sissoko isn't a natural winger and RC isn't left footed so we're going to have a narrowness/awkwardness there. Our central defence is a huge cause for worry and our striker situation is only fractionally better than it was at the end of last season. And Pardew hasn't exactly used the 'number 10' role to great effect in the past either.

Another striker? What do you fink we are? Sovereign states?!

I only used 'em because a £10 off voucher thing came through the door. Never had problems with expiry dates when I've used Sainsburys. Had an apple earlier as well and they're dry as sticks They've just sent me all the unsold stuff off the shelves

Might as well lock this, we're not signing anyone else are we? All that TV money untouched, and our team's weaker than it was last September.

Crashed

Not enough protein. That's meat deficient diets for you!

Throwing Ronaldo into this thread is a real confuser.

If that law came in and national minimum wage was the going rate for wages, we'd adopt a policy of only signing under 21s.

He's got an effort on him from range Johnson though! He's just bad at most other things

I'd include yourself in that list

Tbf cutting-inside wingers is only really effective with good players. Ones you'd want to shoot more. We don't have any wingers anyway, they're all for sale

Just had some food delivered from Asda. Ordered 6 packets of diced chicken 3 for a tenner. They substituted them and 'price matched' from £5 to £4... but the 3 for a tenner wasn't price matched so they charged me £24. Had to pull them up on that for a refund. Driver does it for me no problem. So I'm putting it all in the cupboards, the loaf of bread they sent is before before the 26th. So they've sent me a loaf with a 37 hour expiry. And 2 of my eggs are cracked! Email sent in annoyed tone.

His names are the wrong way round

What a tosser

Do the standers up shout "MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM, I'VE FINISHED..." and wait for assistance or do they wipe themselves?

They could even offer him a 'golden handshake' and release him, he's been a good servant, this notion that they "have to be arseholes" is ridiculous. The club are acting appallingly. I bet treating his mate like this has got our club captain extra-motivated ahead of the new season.

It'll be raining bullets on a Wednesday night in Leeds cos theys got a real g lined up!

The manager should be able to pick his players without considering contract implications. If jonas has appeared enough to trigger a clause then he's done so on the merits that the club committed to. They should be honourable. Not cunts.

The alternative is to not put stupid clauses in contracts where you potentially have to be a cunt if you don't like it

Nah they don't have to be arseholes, bollocks.

He's EXACTLY what pardew wants from his wingers isn't he?

For our amazing strike force to attack?

An average season that disintegrates into farce at some point won't be the most fitting tribute

Maybe they're grasping yhe concept of squad depth. Or maybe there's nothing in the story whatsoever!