Dr Kenneth Noisewater

He'd better not have, it didn't go too well last time that happened! Who was it again, it was on MOTD2 because i remember watching it and was thinking, did i just hear what i thought i did, and they got bollocked for it. Pardew. They tried to brush it off by pointing out a dictionary definition 'to take from aggressively'

Did Paul Jewell just say Villa are raping them or did my ears deceive me?

Xfm (on digital, which is on the whole, disappointingly shit. They need to do a lot of work on the reception before 2015).

Why is this lad still allowed to start topics?

There really are some appalling cunts over there.

Strewth!

Positives: Strauss and a relatively young side can take confidence and grow from this, Trott looks a handy find, KP to come back, Prior faultless behind the stumps, the emergence of Broad from ugly duckling to mcgrath-lite, Rashid to come in, Swann adding some useful runs at the end as well as taking the odd wicket, Jimmy to get his form back when fully fit, Strauss and Flower seem to be working together well. Negatives: Cook technically flawed and seemingly unwilling/unable to change, clear friction between KP and Strauss & Flower with potential damaging consequences, selectors inability to drop their faves no matter what their form, too many idiotic shots from Prior to get dismissed, Swann unthreatening on a docile pitch, Jimmy erratic. Overall: Strauss has had a great series, but is a bit cautious as a captain. We've been unbelievably lucky with winning tosses, umpiring decisions, Brett Lee missing the whole series and them not having a top line spinner. The middle order has been almost exclusively awful. If you look at the statistics I don't know how we did it, but what the hell!

Yeah, still wouldn't take him back though. I would. In this division he's lethal.

Has his dad started doing press-releases again? That was my first thought. Good old Alf.

your nee Geoff Boycott must admit i was expecting the convicts to be ahead by tea today!!! ah well C'MON ENGLAND I nearly said 'except it won't happen now because I've said so' but I refrained because I knew that would put the kaibosh on it Can you make a wild statement about the Aussies batting for two days and managing to achieve the ridiculous run chase they've been set? Thanks. If anyone can do it, it'll be the aussies. Lead less than 400 now

Has his dad started doing press-releases again?

Good player. I'd have liked us to have taken him from Norwich when Shearer was winding down. Best wishes for your future, whatever it holds.

Badoer did well.

England 1/4 now, the crims 7/2.

You've got something of a history for coming on here, acting the arrogant bastard, and talking absolute bollocks haven't you little fella?

No, sourmess.

Have we got any batsmen who can bowl the occasional bit of spin?

Everton have a strict pay structure with their top-earner on £45k. I can't imagine he'll be on their maximum, so if he's on £35k here could wages be a sticking point?

Will he get a game when Jagielka and Yobo are fit?

Is accadacca Mike Ashley's user name? This needs checking out, Mods.

I liked My Own Worst Enemy and Zip-Lock. Must've been ten years ago mind, don't recall hearing anything from them since.

The squad is 'waffer-thin', and Ashley looks like Mr Creosote.

Chops scored again.

No way can Moyes keep hold of him now. Unfortunately, the knock-on for us seems to be Saylor on his way.

Too late, on first again.