Ayatollah Hermione

I can well imagine this lot stretching the police to breaking point even more than they already have out of incompetence tbh.

Primed for self-isolation, me. With the advent of tantric sex exploration, I could do 3 month easy.

My corner shop was extortionate before and he’s put his prices up with this, he can fuck right off. They’re not all worth supporting, especially not that greasy cunt.

I think Poundland does basic food items (tins, pastas, etc) and that might not have been cleaned out yet.

Whatever happened to being quiet and minding your own business?

Never mind that, imagine being stuck in Italy. Not only are you on lockdown but now you've got arseholes standing on their balconies singing and playing instruments. I could honestly think of nothing worse.

Peter Whittingham is either in intensive care or dead depending on who you believe. Someone needs to turn the world off and back on again.

I actually forgot that. This is truly a cursed decade.

Also means that we get a double whammy of a European Championship and the World Cup in the space of 12 months which I can live with.

We’re now being told that workload will increase and weekend work may be required as well as bringing in agency staff for the donkey work Capitalism at its finest, we’ll all be riddled by next week.

Meanwhile, our place is ploughing on, despite barely being able to cope with the demand as it is and I’m spending all of my day politely explaining why chemists in the arse end of nowhere are not allowed to have our entire stock of paracetamol. There’s no contingency plan that I know of and our supplies are rapidly emptying

Where have you got 3 month from?

Fuck all. A load of people I know who are gigging, local musicians are already having gigs cancelled and have no income coming in.

There’s a bloke who has lost digits to diabetes who shuffles about coughing and spluttering all day who I call “Resident Evil”

I went for a pint yesterday and I’ll do it again. The virus hasn’t got the balls to go at Gateshead.

Mind, the Chinese I got last night came in record time. You have to find the positives

I work for a pharmaceutical company and there is absolutely no plan if someone gets a confirmed diagnosis Everyone pretty much interacts with everyone else so there’s no choice but to shut the place down tbh.

Didn’t even consider that Leeds wouldn’t get promoted when they’re probably finally nailed on

I hope all the players return back about 2 stone heavier. You won’t see the difference with Danny Rose, like.

Starting to consider admitting that it might get canny bad due to the official response but I will never admit defeat. Not in the face of any killer death flu.

If they declare this season null and void and Liverpool’s efforts are struck from the record, I will never stop laughing.

They'll take any excuse to skive though, that lot.

What a terrible shame.

The Coronavirus will see everything postponed anyway so he’ll probably only miss one game.

Better self-isolate for 2 weeks, just in case. There’s an asteroid with a 0.6% chance of hitting Earth on its way too, I’d make peace with that as well.