Ayatollah Hermione

I'm going to stand outside Parliament shouting "LOCK US DOWN! LOCK US DOWN! LOCK US DOWN!" like some deranged game show contestant until we all finally get what we want.

Bristol had won 1 in 18 prior to last night

Great shout, that. There’s money saved for next week. I bet we won’t read this hack in Martin Lewis’ newsletter!

I hope it does, being alive is a crock of shit.

I, for one, will certainly enjoy the irony of the generation who calls everyone younger than them “snowflakes” dying out to a virus that does the most damage to them. It’s just evolution reacting to overpopulation by thinning the herd. If they are weak, they must go. It’s beautiful when you sit back and consider it; natural selection in motion, the cosmic balancing of the scales. On one side, the youthful, the free and strong. On the other one, all the old racist cunts who have tried to sell everyone else down the river who are at risk. You love to see it.

That's an uncomfortably specific thing to know.

Can’t wait to abuse this to get 2 weeks off.

It’s almost like I was trying provoke essembee into a response.

Imagine him on the Thunderpiss or whatever it’s called at Alton Towers. Flying down the drop screaming “This is just like the Mag’s campaign lolz!!”

Max Gone Sydow, I’d call him. Yes got there first

I think Pickford should be England captain tbh.

Sitting on the bench with Schar because they’re the centre halves we can make some money off. Lascelles, Fernandez and Dummett are the kind of players you need to kick on.

Like the sound of that, cheers sister.

By jove, they listened.

Christ, please don’t sit back, try and get on the ball again, fuck me.

“Brilliant from Southampton” who are silently watching us shuffle the ball from side to side with zero attacking thrust.

I thought so but he’s on the bench.

Lazaro and Joelinton for Gayle and Ritchie seems the obvious switch here. Can’t wait to see it on 86 minutes.

They’re basically the only ground that has a screen that shows the VAR replays and they’re still whinging, the daft cunts.

The injustice that was actually two correct decisions will spur them on to win.

He should run it now, the shiny-domed ringpiece.

Not sure how his foster mother dying is conducive to him stamping down on a bloke’s leg.

Did that kid just run right into a prone Manquillo?

I cringed at that too. They’re reinventing the football wheel, folks. ”No complacency” a week after they were the very definition of complacent

Fancy us to get bummed here. Shelvey and Hayden won’t lay a finger on them