Smooth Operator

On a school sports day back in Middle school I was favourite for the 100 metres, the gun went and I blasted out of the blokes like a drugged up Ben Johnson, took 1st place easily but instead of being greeted by a chorus of applause from family and fiends they were all doubled ove laughing, I stopped and looked round, a poor lad in my class had shit himself at the sound of the gun, credit to him though he finished the race but continued sprinting past the finish line all the way to the lads bogs! Looking back it was fair enough really, we'd only ever practised with a ready, set, go start, and then on the big day the PE teacher brings in his starting gun without telling anyone!

I remember when I was in cubs and we went on a hike, the 3 of us had to show our orienteering skills and make it back to camp before night fall. About an hour into it my mate needed to unload, so he pulled his shorts down and squatted in a farmers field safely away from the cows. He didn't squat low enough however and his turd landed in his briefs! So he scooped it out and threw it in the field, a few minutes later after he cleaned himself up and discarded his soiled briefs we turned back to find a cow devouring his brown log!

I used to play football with a kid who had the misfortune of uncontrolably following through! We were on a night out in the Bigg Market and he was at the bar, tried to fart and filled his pants! He ran out the bar and into the underground toilet thing adjacent to High Bridge Street, where he tried to clean himself up, he chucked his Calvins away and did the best clean up job he could manage but it wasn't enough, so then he tried to get a taxi, obviously he didn't want to wait in a queue in his state and even then a taxi driver wouldn't have let him get in with shit all over his jeans! So he started on the long walk back to Newburn!

With a mortgage against the property they become a secured creditor. The money they loan you is secured against the value of the property and as such if you default they could sell (their) house to realise the debt you owe them. With an overdraft there is no such security. They would be unsecure creditors (meaning they could not force you to sell anything) and clearly they dont see you as capable of paying off a debt without this option. 78101[/snapback] You somekind of lawyer or something? 78126[/snapback] Having met him, just think 'Lionel Hutz' from the Simpsons. 78134[/snapback] Don't watch it, it collides with wor lasses bairns cartoon time! I was thinking more like Sean Penn in Carlito's Way? Jumped up prick too big for his boots with illusions of granduer!

Aye I load the bog at work to prevent a wet rear and I also cover the seat of the bog with paper! I may as well bring my toilet duck in tbh.

With a mortgage against the property they become a secured creditor. The money they loan you is secured against the value of the property and as such if you default they could sell (their) house to realise the debt you owe them. With an overdraft there is no such security. They would be unsecure creditors (meaning they could not force you to sell anything) and clearly they dont see you as capable of paying off a debt without this option. 78101[/snapback] You somekind of lawyer or something?

I'm struggling to see how you got the mortgage tbh.

How has a thread that started out as a perfectly proper story about rancid turds degenerated into a tale of shitty bogroll? 78092[/snapback] My conscience is clear, it's Wacky, he's like a bad smell!

Aye she wont shit at work and if she need to drop a few mates off early doors she keeps them waiting til we get home. Don't know how they manage it tbh, must be doing some damage I reckon, the slightest quiver of my schinter(sp?) and I'm off to the traps.

I've got a current account with Barclays with an Overdraft of £700. Now me and wor lass have a different joint accoount at Lloyds so all I do with my Barclays account is put money into it every month to cover existing loans and that that come out of it, I forgot over the xmas period to do this and I went over my £700 limit, now this is ok if I dont go 5 pound over the 700 but I went overdrawn to the tune of £705.30 and as a result incurred a charge of £25 for everyday it's over £705, which fortunately was only 1 day but fuck me, 30p over and it's cost me £25! I could crush a grape!

That should back you up again nicely til the Monday though. 78039[/snapback] As Meenzer will comfirm, that I guess would only make it worse, the constant stretching of the anus would surely loosen it up and shit could theoretically just fall out unexpected. You could be on the frozen ailse at Adsa say and bingo, you push your trolley through your own turd without even realising! Scary!

I've taken to taking all my sit down browns at work these days due to the rancidity of my anal offerings. To release this in my household bog would simply be foolish. Although i'm buggered at a weekend You can visibly see the U-bend choke as it tries to deal with the latest sit down brown! And then cos I'm blessed with a hairy ring, I have to wait at least 10 minutes for all the tit bits to pass through the pubes, it's akin to the scene in King Kong where Kong and the T-Rex's are slipping through the vines!

I reckon he's better off with the scones approach tbh. 78011[/snapback] If he laced the scones with rohypnol then aye you're right.

In future Johnny NUFC you need to PM the Operator if you want advice on women and how to get into their knickers, I'm a seasoned pro, I've got myself into some of the tightest most prudish minges over the years!

In my mind he looks like a (small) version of Malcolm McClaren tbh. 77523[/snapback] Not far wrong, when he was younger he was the spitting double of Doogie Howser MD!

On the subject of hair, Wacky used to have a curly ginger mullet back in the day when he used to bust a move in his break dancing troupe! FACT!

Wacky's the other side of the tanned bloke demonstrating the art of fellatio, only you can't see him cos he's so vertically challenged.

I can only assume it is because Jensen is younger and quicker, an all together different kind of player to Shearer, whereas Sutton is too similar to big Al. 77494[/snapback] Yeah they were shit when they played together at Blackburn, if my memory serves me correctly 77503[/snapback] They both had pace then and could get to the other's flick on, if they played together now it would jsut be a case of all the flick on's rolling straight to the opposing keeper.

I can only assume it is because Jensen is younger and quicker, an all together different kind of player to Shearer, whereas Sutton is too similar to big Al.

Hebburn-y and Ivory Coast go together in perfect harmony, side by side on my piano keyboard.... 2 war zones, they should be twinned! 77485[/snapback] They stayed at your old hotel when they were there too apparently - 'Hebburnism' http://www.theadulttravelstore.com/index.p...mage&resortid=1 Thats you on the end isnt it? 77487[/snapback] I would love to confirm your suspicions but my DWP internet restrictions class the link you posted as "Adult Material"!

Mardy Bum & Bigger Boys & Stolen Sweethearts - Arctic Monkeys. Got myself a nice little copy of 22 Arctic Monkey's tracks of my dwarf friend in Heaton, aka Wacky Jnr!

Don't cry for me Hebburn.....the truth is I never left you..... Madonna lived in Hebburn during the filming of Evita - FACT!

Hebburn-y and Ivory Coast go together in perfect harmony, side by side on my piano keyboard.... 2 war zones, they should be twinned!

Sweet Home Hebburn! Heard this track on Con Air the other night and Steve Buscemi's character said the band who did it died in a plane crash - anyone know who the band were??

Are you on drugs today S-O? 77471[/snapback] No, but I did have a cup of herbal tea at Wacky's last night when I went to pick up my wanking spanners. Didn't taste cocha(sp?)