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Everything posted by Smooth Operator
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1 Alarm goes off on my phone at 6 2 Satisfy my morning glory by splaying bollocks over wor lasses face until she wakes up then do the wild thing 3 7am Shower, shit. 4 7:30am Wake the bairn 5 7:35am Dress the bairn 6 7:40am Tell the bainr off for not brushing her teeth properly 7 7:40am Tell wor lass to get her lazy arse out of bed and get ready 8 7:45am Downstairs to make the bairns pack lunch 9 7:55am Put the bairns shoe's and coat on 10 8am Drop the bairn at her granma's 11 8:10am Return home, have a cup of tea and watch sky sports news for 20 minutes while I wait for her to get ready. 12 8:30am Off to work.
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Ugly on the outside. incredible on the inside..
Smooth Operator replied to Toonraider's topic in General Chat
Is this Kate Moss' new pad in Dubai? The interior design shows she's not chanced her ways then. -
Think I'm gonna just stick the HR address down and see what happens. Shagging her is out of the question, she's been on her own for the last 10 years, imagine the batter you'd have to get through to get to the pie!
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Football traditions dying a slow death
Smooth Operator replied to Toonraider's topic in General Chat
I them were the boys like, geordie boys we are here, shag your women and drink your beer! -
Applying for a job and have to put the usual work reference down, only trouble is my line manager is a cunt and we have a mutual hatred of each other, and then my counter-signing manager above her if her best mate and who I also share an incredible hatred of! What the fuck will I do? I've comtemplated putting or HR departments address down, or was thinking of ringing an old line manager and asking him to pretend he's my current manager! But that has the potential to go tits up.
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Just to let everyone know the Barbecue's still on, as planned. The women may want to bring a shawl as there's bound to be a stiff breeze a little later on. 84622[/snapback] Plus it will help mop up your pearl necklaces.
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Who did you get? Wacky's not pleased, he got a family of mackems.
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Don't know if the song "Bigger boys and stolen sweethearts" is on the album but's its on a copy I've got. Anyway this song was written for Wacky imo, dwarf that can't hold onto a lass, spot on.
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Can't you negotiate a discount for the pair. Or is she an amputee? 84413[/snapback] Nah she's nee Heather Mills and Office don't do discounts! 84418[/snapback] As for the daft cunt with the tatoo's the whole thing will end up looking like he's fell off his skateboard in a few years time, why bother? 84426[/snapback] Cos he loves the tooooooooooooooooooooooon!
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Can't you negotiate a discount for the pair. Or is she an amputee? 84413[/snapback] Nah she's nee Heather Mills and Office don't do discounts!
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Look i think a few of you are missing the point, he can't afford a measly 500 quid to go to the match, but he can afford 700 quid for tatoo's. Get it now???? It's like wor lass telling me we can afford for her to get a pair of over the knee boots in brown and black at a cost of 145 quid each, but I can't afford to renew my season ticket!
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http://icnewcastle.icnetwork.co.uk/evening...-name_page.html
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Seen them at Sheffield with my mates too, did you go down on the bus Wacky? Were you the lad screaming blue murder in the toilet on the bus cos your cock had more or less disappeared? 84343[/snapback] Yes i did, don't believe you went not unless you were the kid on the bus sitting at the front with their mam. 84364[/snapback] It wasn't my mam it was my girlfriend at the time, I was in to older women even back then. 84369[/snapback] That would make her a paedofile then, as by my reckoning you would have only been about 15 tops. 84374[/snapback] That about right, we were the coolest kids in school when people found out we'd been down there, saying that I was the coolest kid in school anyway, captain of the football team and all the fanny hanging off my arm! Those were the days.
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Seen them at Sheffield with my mates too, did you go down on the bus Wacky? Were you the lad screaming blue murder in the toilet on the bus cos your cock had more or less disappeared? 84343[/snapback] Yes i did, don't believe you went not unless you were the kid on the bus sitting at the front with their mam. 84364[/snapback] It wasn't my mam it was my girlfriend at the time, I was in to older women even back then.
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While I was driving down the A55 today, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The copper pulled me over,walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk, asked:"Runway too short?" To which I replied, "I'm late for work." To which he asked, "What do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded. The copper was surprised and confused. "A what...? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. Work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet." Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot @rsehole?" To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
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Beadle and Souness in arm swap shock!
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14 to 15 year old girls, sounds like heaven! 84199[/snapback] SMO.......what IS your enduring fascination with lop-sided knockers? (avatar) 84252[/snapback] I like to infuriate picky, fussy bastards like yourself, sue me! Tbh no knockers are exactly symetrical are they. And wor lasses are no different, I tried to gether to let me take a naked shot but she wasn't having any of it. 84262[/snapback] It's more evident the bigger they are I spose so I'll reluctantly concede that you're probably 'well catered for' in that department. 84265[/snapback] Aye they're getting bigger everyday, I'm taking her to Primark for some new bra's tonight. 84286[/snapback] Get her some support knickers whilst you're on, she's got more edges than a broken piss pot at the minute 84312[/snapback] Just wait a couple of months and your lass will be in the same situation.
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I'll have you know I'm a proper head board breaker! Was riding a lass last night, from Heaton, had a water bed, must be the only lass in Heaton with a water bed like. Said her bloke was a fetish freak and he like the sound of the waves it made as it reminded him of his childhood floating down the Tyne in his "Moses" basket! 84212[/snapback] If it's the same lass I'm thinking about she doesn't need a water bed to make the sound of waves in the scratcher 84215[/snapback] Aye, she prefers it in the back door to the front cos the front is like a hippo's yawn. 84290[/snapback] Obviously I've been there if the front entrance was a bit slack for you, water tight for me tbh That remnds me, when your lass has the bairn is there any chance of slippig the Doctor a £20 spot to have a couple of extra stitches put in, just the last time i was doing her it felt like a well used bowling shoe without the insole. 84308[/snapback] Well like you said, if i've been there first the stitches will have been rendered useless anyway.
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Seen them at Sheffield with my mates too, did you go down on the bus Wacky? Were you the lad screaming blue murder in the toilet on the bus cos your cock had more or less disappeared?
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They won't know for certain until they do an autopsy, sounds like a heart attaack. http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews...ws/13705396.htm 84176[/snapback] Shame for him. 84180[/snapback] Nah, he's probably not bothered tbh. 84184[/snapback] Looks to me like he left you that Shellsuit he was sporting in the film, Fire Hazard tbh 84324[/snapback] Not seen the film or the shell suit so the joke is lost on me, as long as it was a 34 waist it should be ok like.
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I'll have you know I'm a proper head board breaker! Was riding a lass last night, from Heaton, had a water bed, must be the only lass in Heaton with a water bed like. Said her bloke was a fetish freak and he like the sound of the waves it made as it reminded him of his childhood floating down the Tyne in his "Moses" basket! 84212[/snapback] If it's the same lass I'm thinking about she doesn't need a water bed to make the sound of waves in the scratcher 84215[/snapback] Aye, she prefers it in the back door to the front cos the front is like a hippo's yawn.
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14 to 15 year old girls, sounds like heaven! 84199[/snapback] SMO.......what IS your enduring fascination with lop-sided knockers? (avatar) 84252[/snapback] I like to infuriate picky, fussy bastards like yourself, sue me! Tbh no knockers are exactly symetrical are they. And wor lasses are no different, I tried to gether to let me take a naked shot but she wasn't having any of it. 84262[/snapback] It's more evident the bigger they are I spose so I'll reluctantly concede that you're probably 'well catered for' in that department. 84265[/snapback] Aye they're getting bigger everyday, I'm taking her to Primark for some new bra's tonight.
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Probably Wacky's best post ever. Ten Story Love Song. 84249[/snapback] Good album like, nowt could have lived up to hype/expectation really. 84255[/snapback] True. I spose I was more taken aback by Wacky having some decent taste like. 84263[/snapback] I spied the greatest hits of Micheal Bolton in his collection the other day so he's still got trouble tbh. 84264[/snapback] Power ballads and power mullets. The last refuge of a tormented dwarf. Musical equivalent of a penis extension tbh. 84266[/snapback]
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Probably Wacky's best post ever. Ten Story Love Song. 84249[/snapback] Good album like, nowt could have lived up to hype/expectation really. 84255[/snapback] True. I spose I was more taken aback by Wacky having some decent taste like. 84263[/snapback] I spied the greatest hits of Micheal Bolton in his collection the other day so he's still got trouble tbh.
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14 to 15 year old girls, sounds like heaven! 84199[/snapback] SMO.......what IS your enduring fascination with lop-sided knockers? (avatar) 84252[/snapback] I like to infuriate picky, fussy bastards like yourself, sue me! Tbh no knockers are exactly symetrical are they. And wor lasses are no different, I tried to gether to let me take a naked shot but she wasn't having any of it.