The Fish

If nothing else, it would give him more opportunities to touch the ball.

I'll be saying that in about 7 months.

Rayvin is, in my head, a 17yr old sitting in his mam's boxroom, surrounded by anime posters and kleenex. But everybody else is in their mid-to-late 30s. Except Renton, who is in a comfortable chair by the staring window.

Fuck me, it's Hugh Laurie!

Out of curiosity, who do you think is younger than you?

He doesn't open himself up either. He needs coaching. He's still so raw. But we've seen, with decent coaching, even Moussa Sissoko came good. I mean, he scored against Brentford last night!

I think you're being too harsh on him. I think if we had been playing football on the deck a bit more last season and he wasn't so fucking isolated, he'd have better acclimatised to the English game. If he was played in his proper position with a decent players and a settled, sound system, he'd look better. As it is, in this team, only the 'keeper and a couple of defenders look like they're playing anywhere near their level. If we'd kept Rondon and Perez, added Joelinton and Almiron I think the big Brazilian wouldn't look half as bad as he does. I blame Bruce and the coaching team. Not just for how bad Joelinton's looked, but how bad the Longstaff's have been, Almiron, the fullbacks, the whole team really. Joelinton just gets the lion's share of criticism because we spent £40m on him, and Bruce inexplicably kept playing him out of position.

When he's caught on camera being dragged out of his daughter's room?

I honestly think he could be a decent (not £40m) player with the right coaching. Ameobi was never blessed with a good touch and he was a solid, if unspectacular, Premier League player. What he learned, eventually, was how to play to his strengths. He became a decent target man. Similarly, Joelinton could be taught how to play off a striker. I don't think any manager employed by Ashley will have the ability to teach him, but that's another problem.

Think you're tunnelling on Joelinton being the worst player to ever pull on a black and white shirt, despite that clearly being bollocks. Get him playing under Hassenhutl, Rodgers, Nagelsman, Klopp, Guardiola and I think there's a decent raw talent there to be molded.

Joelinton doesn't scuff every single shot, and the goals I remember from Ameobi's career are the ones put into the net by his shin/arse/knee/whatever. He was many things, but clinical he was not.

Which one of you is Simon Bird?

I'm just popping in to say I have no idea who essembee is talking about with his initialisms. BUJ, TOT, etc.

Shocker, Joelinton is not as good as Shearer. Stick ASM as centreback, see how he fares. You dumb cunt.

Surely there must come a point when you realise that this thing you do, is a total waste of your time?

Viduka in the last few minutes, if memory serves. Think we were 2-1 down for a while though.

Yep. I have zero faith in Bruce's ability to improve players, or play them in a system that gets the most out of their ability, whatever level it may be. Joelinton has been played as an isolated targetman, a winger, a wide forward in a team that have been shuffled around, and changed, and allowed to drift into entropy. I don't think you can accurately gauge his level of ability without taking all that into consideration. I don't think he has ever been, or will ever be a goalscorer, but he might well have the raw talent to be a decent attacking player. Some of the stuff he's getting wrong could be coached into him; when to make runs, what passes to pick, when to hold onto the ball and when to release it. He has the physique to be much harder to get off the ball, yet never seems to set himself properly before the pressure comes his way. Murphy has shown flashes of ability, I don't think he's ever going to be great, but he's got a decent delivery and can be direct. He needs coaching.

It's a real shame that we've been without Fraser and ASM as those two should be able to take advantage of his movement. Way more effectively than Murphy and Joelinton who just don't can't do it at this level (yet). I'd honestly go with the same setup; 5 at the back, two hardworking midfielders, those two as wider attacking players and Wilson up front. Gives us a solid defense and pace and movement up front. If ASM is on the left side play Dummett or Ritchie behind him. If he's on the right play Manquillo or (at a push) Krafth.

He can drag any club to bottom half cloggers. For us, Everton, West Ham, that's shit, but for the mackems it was the height of ambition. Guarantee if he had the same number of points from his run there, but lost the derby, they wouldn't be half as keen to crawl up his Bisto pipe.

Nailed it. I think Hayden and M.Longstaff were absolutely vital in this. If Shelvey had been on the pitch we would have lost this game. Not just because of the hair trigger on his Hollywood passes, but how little effort he puts in to press or just make himself available for the pass. Longstaff Jr looked leggy as the game went on, which is understandable, and I'd have preferred him replaced with his brother, instead of swapping left backs. Also, Gayle or Almiron for Joelinton rather than keeping him on the pitch when his limited influence had Wayned. Nit picking aside, that was a good performance and, like the Everton game, should be the blueprint for games going forward. Set up like that against lesser sides and our midfield/attack will have more chances as well.

This post prompted me to look at the table for the first time in weeks. I didn't realise how tight it is in the top half. Would have been a good season to be up there.

Think we had a midfield of Butt, Geremi, Smith and Milner for the loss to Derby. Should have lost the home game as well.

Sorry like, but that's bollocks. Scores of managers would like the opportunity to manage a club where the remit is finish 17th or better in the Premier League, with a decent midtable squad. Especially those who have experience managing on limited budgets with a buy-to-sell focus.

Well that's a fucking lie. I have never in my life owned a sleeveless denim jacket.

Fucking scores of worse players than Joelinton. But nobody is going to set the world alight in Bruce's carnival of crap. Maybe if we had the ball, played it on the floor, and created chances he wouldn't look as bad as he undoubtedly does. there's a bit of the JDT about his transfer for me.