Monkeys Fist

Me and Fist Jnr. made full use of our allowed exercise time during lockdown by cycling everyday when there were no cars about. The skinny little goober still went through two PS controllers. I also sent him out at night to stab cats for the extra meat.

I’d take a guerilla role and break in to enemy camps and shit in their beds. Victory would be rapid.

Could well have been. Definitely on the French side of the Tyne.

It’s Leek and Potato day at the soup kitchen, the Library is shut for “ Yoga When You Have a Tail” classes, and it’s too cold to go for a shit in town, so …

Also

Grin and bear it.

A bear walks into a butchers to buy a steak.... The butcher is taken aback but gathers himself and says, "That'll be £60 sir". "Here you go", says the bear, paying with two £50 notes. "You know, we don't see many talking bears buying steaks and paying cash here”, says the butcher as he returns the change to the bear. Bear says, " I'm hardly fucking surprised at that price”.

THINGS NOT TO DO WITH REDUNDANCY MONEY. PART 1. 1) Spunk it up the wall on bitcoin recommendations from a bloke who didn’t know what a chilli flake was well after his 40th birthday. 2) Spunk it up the wall on bitcoin recommendations from a bloke who didn’t know what a chilli flake was well after his 40th birthday. 3) Spunk it up the wall on bitcoin recommendations from a bloke who didn’t know what a chilli flake was well after his 40th birthday. Here endeth todays lesson.

I wonder if he’s any good at exterior decorating, since his gaff got a load of black paint chucked on it? All around the same time those lads drove a hearse on the pitch at a Gateshead match ( might have been another game, maybe Birtley?).

What do you call a woman pushing her way through a crowd? Jocelyn.

How many Spaniards does it take to change a light bulb? Just Juan.

You just know this is going to end up with our local Tory living in a bin.

To be fair to them, the Mackems know a thing or two about goall scoring defenders as we saw the other week

Magyar behaviour that, marrow.

He’s putting on the Riiiiiiiitz.

Call him Voyager 2. So far, the only probe to visit Uranus.

The ancient Magyar tribe’s name means “Sugar Eaters” in Magyarese. Probably.

Not just electoral, tbh.

If I never hear Local fucking Hero ever again it’ll be once too many. Having got that out the way, claiming Gosforth isn’t Geordie is Olympic Gold level mental gymnastics.

First they came for the earwax removal services, and I did nothing because I have a big fuck-off syringe. Then they came for the smeg removal services…

I heard when they opened him up he had no heart at all. No no, no heart at all.