Monkeys Fist

Pretty much bullshit tbh, I’ve no doubt the very top climbers could pull off moves like that, but doing it solo? Nah. Watch the Free Solo movie of Alex Honnold climbing El Capitan without ropes. It’s absolutely insanely hardcore. Also, Dawn Wall, with Tommy Caldwell and Kevin Jorgenson.

The E number gives an overall rating of difficulty, amount and quality of fall protection, severity of falls etc. Most people who are “hobby climbers” will lead at around E1-2, which is still hard. E11 is fucking insane. The 7a is the difficulty of the hardest individual move on the route. Theoretically, 1a is flat ground, 1b a slight incline, 1c a step-in practice you won’t find much below 4a on anything, which are usually on the very easiest routes. When taken with the E grade, you get an indication of how hard a route is. An E1 5c, I’d expect to be mostly 5a/b moves, with one 5c move on the route. E4 6a, I’d expect 5c all the way with a few 6a moves. E11 7a I’d expect to be a few 6c moves, with sustained 7a moves throughout. I’d also shit my pants just looking at it. ( All the above are assuming a lead climb, where you clip the rope in as you go).

His partner And Shite couldn’t even sing. Disgustang.

Dumbarton Rock is home to some of the hardest rock climbing routes in the entire British Isles. The clip below is Dave MacLeod making the first ascent of his insane route, Rhapsody. (E11,7a) The unassuming bloke at the start, Cubby Cuthbertson, put up an E8 6c here in 1983, which is fucking mental. (Think Lee Cattermole taking on Real Madrid on his own,in wellies, and winning 10-0, and then doing it again blindfold ) Anyway, enjoy ( And, aye, the bloke has some fucking Dumbartons on him!)

Since when has that been a prerequisite for their gaffers, like?

I worked at the Calvert Trust between the ages of 16-18, and there was a lad used to come fairly regularly. He was about 30, 6ft+, ginger as Gemmill and several slices short of a full loaf. Funny as fuck though, and he knew he was He used to call bollocks “Dumbartons” and when we’d take him on trips and visits he’d delight in pointing at some bloke’s package and shouting, at max decibels, “ Look at the fucking Dumbartons on him!” So, anyway, ever since I’ve never been able to hear or read the word Dumbarton without thinking of Buster Gonad and his unfeasibly large testicles. Thank you for listening, tune in next week for more genital-related jocular tales.

Game on lads ! “ Fuck Off Plebs!” ” Line My Pockets” ” We Hate You” crack on.

Milburn’s getting a bit uppity- asked for salt, vinegar and HP sauce on his Fish and Chips after he got the bus home. Money’s ruining the game.

South Yorkshire, innit blud?

Mrs. W. -“ But Wykiki love, we’re here in t’Alps, surrounded by mountains ( we’ve got bigger ones back home), it’s just dumped fresh powder on t’slopes, why ist tha’ so miserable?” Wykiki- “ Lookit t’Blackburn folk, all drunk and loud, it’s ruined, ah say, ruined!”

It’s amazing that they got so much detail on something 3 inches high.

Alexander Eeeeeeee-sak.

Are you saying he’s the Anti-Gemmill?

Big lass then?

Been a MLF since before he was born.

Rention, listen to Fish.

As if that isn’t bad enough, Sammy, the realisation that this Stone Cold Classic is 30 years old might just finish you.

‘Appen.

Yorkshired YP.

Bigmouth Strikes Again if they’re not a Radiohead fan.…

Hmmm, is there something you’re not telling us Gemmill/Basil?

If I want to see bouncy tiddies I’m not going on Netflix. Better storylines on my site too.…

You confused us with your Mumsnet account again?

This was my little Grandad at 40.