khay 8 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 JONAS Gutierrez has revealed that, should he break his Toon scoring duck at St.James' Park during the next two matches, he will bow to the wishes of the Toon Army and don his flamboyant Spiderman mask. The Argentine arrived at Gallowgate at the start of the last season with the nickname "Spiderman" having worn the superhero's webbed disguise after netting for former club Real Mallorca. But, despite a catalogue of foraging assaults on enemy territory, Gutierrez is yet to register a competitive goal for the Geordies - a stat he is keen to eradicate. "I would love to score my first goal as soon as possible," said the 26-year-old who returns from a hamstring injury for tonight's game with QPR. "When I do I will wear my Spiderman mask for the fans. "Even now they still ask me, 'Will you wear the mask when you score?'. "I keep the mask in my shorts and I always think, 'I hope today is the day I can wear it'. Gutierrez has not figured since the Carling Cup victory over Huddersfield Town in August, but the Buenos Aries-born winger admits his team-mates have done a fine job in his absence. "Luckily the team has been brilliant while I've been out," he said. "We have lost just once in the league and are back on top. "I want to come back in and be a big part of the team which gets us back in the Premier League." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Must be fucking lifting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khay 8 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 Must be fucking lifting. do you mean the mask will be smelling slightly off? I've not heard of lifting before in this sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 39094 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Must be fucking lifting. do you mean the mask will be smelling slightly off? I've not heard of lifting before in this sense. where you from? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donaldstott 0 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 In all seriousness having a rubber mask in yer keks can not be good. He should try leaving the mask out of his keks and maybe then he'll stop striking the ball like me gran!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 1 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I've said it once, and I'll say it again: Only this fucking club would sign a player with a novelty goal celebration that hasn't scored in over a year since his arrival. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1892 0 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I've said it once, and I'll say it again: Only this fucking club would sign a player with a novelty goal celebration that hasn't scored in over a year since his arrival. Atleast he can whip a good ball in... ...Oh. Wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TicTacWoe 0 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 (edited) In 229 professional games for Velez, Mallorca and the Toon Jonas has scored a mighty 6 goals altogether. A bit odd that he keeps a rubber mask in his shorts for a goal celebration that almost never happens Edited September 30, 2009 by TicTacWoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 5031 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 In 229 professional games for Velez, Mallorca and the Toon Jonas has scored a mighty 6 goals altogether. A bit odd that he keeps a rubber mask in his shorts for a goal celebration that almost never happens Thats about my "knock backs" to "chat ups" ratio. I still carry a condom though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khay 8 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 into overdrive now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gejon 2 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Things that will happen before we see that mask: * Cure for cancer * Weapons of mass destruction found in Iraq * World peace * Attain gets laid * Madelaine McCann found * Recession ends * Obama assasinated * Christmas tree lets his daughter marry Sanjay Patel * Alan Smith scores * Shola Ameobi fulfils his potential * Colocinni gets a hair cut * Stevie buys a Friends boxset * Ottmar Hitzfeld manages Newcastle * Peasepud junior starts university * Jay Jay Sea gets released from prison * Paul Scholes makes a clean challenge * A football commentator slates Gerrard for diving * Wenger sees something * Joe Kinnear sobers up * Tooj quits the drugs * Michael Owen scores becomes Englands top goal scorer * I post something remotely funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khay 8 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 Gejon to give a tenner to the next charity request on toontastic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gejon 2 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 He will score before that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khay 8 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 Well that's one funny post away from a goal now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 In 229 professional games for Velez, Mallorca and the Toon Jonas has scored a mighty 6 goals altogether. A bit odd that he keeps a rubber mask in his shorts for a goal celebration that almost never happens Thats about my "knock backs" to "chat ups" ratio. I still carry a condom though. Have you thought about wearing a mask? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snakehips 0 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 In 229 professional games for Velez, Mallorca and the Toon Jonas has scored a mighty 6 goals altogether. A bit odd that he keeps a rubber mask in his shorts for a goal celebration that almost never happens Thats about my "knock backs" to "chat ups" ratio. I still carry a condom though. Have you thought about wearing a mask? A spidey mask on his cock ? Hey, what a great chat up line "You wanna see me spidey cock?". Hmmm, maybe not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26745 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 In 229 professional games for Velez, Mallorca and the Toon Jonas has scored a mighty 6 goals altogether. A bit odd that he keeps a rubber mask in his shorts for a goal celebration that almost never happens Thats about my "knock backs" to "chat ups" ratio. I still carry a condom though. Have you thought about wearing a mask? Not much use, they'd just use his DNA to catch him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 5031 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 In 229 professional games for Velez, Mallorca and the Toon Jonas has scored a mighty 6 goals altogether. A bit odd that he keeps a rubber mask in his shorts for a goal celebration that almost never happens Thats about my "knock backs" to "chat ups" ratio. I still carry a condom though. Have you thought about wearing a mask? Only when I do the "surprise sex". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrBass 2296 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 In 229 professional games for Velez, Mallorca and the Toon Jonas has scored a mighty 6 goals altogether. A bit odd that he keeps a rubber mask in his shorts for a goal celebration that almost never happens Thats about my "knock backs" to "chat ups" ratio. I still carry a condom though. Have you thought about wearing a mask? Don't think they're as effective as condoms tbf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6441 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 pet, can I get yer face caught in my webbing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandman02uk 0 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 In 229 professional games for Velez, Mallorca and the Toon Jonas has scored a mighty 6 goals altogether. A bit odd that he keeps a rubber mask in his shorts for a goal celebration that almost never happens Thats about my "knock backs" to "chat ups" ratio. I still carry a condom though. Have you thought about wearing a mask? Don't think they're as effective as condoms tbf. if he wears a spidey mask on his cock then he's 100% safe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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