Howmanheyman

If I never see Obertan again it'll be too soon. Not just on tonights evidence, obviously.

Away goals are so important. Anyone remember us scoring let alone winning whenever we've played without a striker? No away goal + one for them at SJP = us needing three. I just hope someone wellies it in from thirty yards or we're fucked imho.

Marveaux and Obertan are so lightweight.

Can we just talk about spurs like the rest of itv team?

I don't think we're going down now with the new recruits barring a catastrophe so let's take the league game at home to Stoke more seriously as it's what I dreamed of as a boy, beating Stoke to go to 13th in the table.......does it get any better?

It's only the top of my head that isn't hairy, Mon ami. (and my clean shaven face!)

Perch at centre half? M'biwa is going to have a smooth transition in the side then, eh? Obertan and Marveaux? Ben Arfa starting the game? Up front? Simpson in the side as well unfortunately. I'm really not looking forward to this, I think we're fucked here, like, unless I'm about to be pleasantly surprised.

Put SSN on at 3 o'clock to check up their top story for shits and giggles. Three games tonight involving British clubs in Europe and no other domestic games so naturally their top story is..........Rio not getting charged by UEFA! Next they talk about........Wayne Rooney not playing and whether he might get sold which they discuss with Shteve McClaren in the studio........they then have all the stats about Shreks goals per season and show him scoring some goals.............next they have some pics of the likes of Ince, Beckham, Stam and Van Nistlerooy and how Fergie sold them, (don't forget, this is just off the back of Rooney not starting the other day, in other words, there's no news to talk about other than three English clubs preparing for a European tie).........Next.........A sky reporter stands outside Old Trafford asking Man U fans whether they should keep Rooney? (has he been transferred?).........Next.........A reporter is in Hull chatting with Steve Bruce about how long Fergie will be at 'United' for? Finally after the Bruce chat they have a caption advertising Hull v Burnley on Sky on monday night. (I'm sure the Hull fans were desperate for the preview of their game to be 100% about Fergie and Man U!). Just before the break they had a quick show of John Terry walking through Prague and some Chelsea fans outside a bar. They then showed Colo falling down and said he'd be out for a few weeks just before the break came on.

I've got one. They're a Godsend if you've the shits or have a hairy arse.

In a strange way, seeing Villa floundering around near the bottom of the PL season in, season out would be pretty satisfying as I've a feeling relegation could galvanise them as a club in the long run. (It would still be amusing seeing their fans faces if they got relegated though). I've never been offended at all by QPR in the past but don't like the fact they're a new money club with financially doped signings/players wages. Also, how many clubs can say that they're last three consecutive managers have been Top grade, number one, top of the tree, utter arseholes?

There's a graph in the making here, HF! Fill yer boots, wor kid!

What CT didn't realise when he bought the budgie was that it used to live in a Boldon Brothel. When it saw his missus for the first time it sqwaulked, "Nice tits on the new lass". When it saw his daughter it sqwaulked "That other new lass has a cute arse!" but when CT walked in the room it sqwaulked, "Where you been CT? I haven't seen you for weeks!" Ok, I realise Budgies don't speak like parrots but I'm invoking artistic licence, lovies.

"Sir Alex today played down speculation that Ryan Giggs may be cutting white bread out of his post-training breakfast adding that it didn't do Scholesy any harm all these years at United. He also added that he hopes the referee remains vigilant in United's upcoming PL game and thinks the Ref will be keen to get the officials credibility back after the worst decision he's ever seen in football since the Ben Arfa foul against newcastle. Coming up in the next hour, there's a new sponsor at Anfield, we look forward to David Beckham's first game in a PSG shirt, Rafa Benitez confident of a good cup run with Chelsea and one PL club goes into administration and two Championship clubs go to the wall."

Man U's biggest sponsor and benefactor is an increasingly out of control media. You can't measure how much of an advertisement all this media air time is worth to them. Who needs a sugar daddy?

Despite CT's boner for him, I'm a bit unsure about Marveaux but the rest doesn't seem to bad at all, (obviously I'm hoping the two new lads in defence can settle straight away). We need Sissoko and Ben Arfa to get forward fast at some point in the game though.

We've been on ESPN all of our European games but they reckon we might be on ITV 2 or 4 but nobody has confirmed this so far?

I've a bad feeling about this one, folks. (To be fair I'm still haunted by Luton's, QPR's and Oldham's placca pitches).

Fixed his post.

You know when you went to town and hoyed a shirt and pants on in case you went clubbing? He would do it too, hoy on his blue stratos aftershave but his fingers were always mancy. Think he was a roofer plus a heavy smoker. (apart from being a Rolf Harris, his hand a palette, his fingers his painting brush and his shit his blob of paint).

You never know with his type.

Not very clever by Forster. 1-0 Juventus.

Can our resident Bhoy, next time he's standing outside the players entrance at Parkhead, do us a favour and ask Neil Lennon whether he prefers to sit or stand when having a shite? When you get his answer will you go to the General topic page on here and post the answer here: http://www.toontasti...ping-your-arse/ Cheers, ma man!

Straying off topic slightly but I once had the pleasure of seeing the driver of our car to an away game in London, (his first time with us), come out of trap 1 in the services we stopped in on the way down and open the door so we could see his artwork. I've no idea whether he wiped back to front or front to back, what I do know is that he must have been brewing one up for a while as the 'N U F C' letters he smeared on the wall with his rancid smelling turd went from wall to wall of the cubicle and was a foot high. And I was sat next to him as well! His nickname was 'scruffy fingers' for a different reason or so we thought before we got to the service station. He was a dirty bastard, like.

On behalf of the forum, thanks for the updates, mate. Keep us posted on all things 'tic and Hun.

Aye it was before their 1990 cup run. He didn't think he was good enough for Man U.