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Glasgow Mag

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Everything posted by Glasgow Mag

  1. What are your ailments?

    Genital herpes - latent for most of the time but used to burn like fuck when I was younger. Also gingivitis with halitosis but controlled with mouthwash. Mild tennis elbow. Otherwise I'm in pretty good nick.
  2. Sunderland 1-1 Newcastle

    Cry me a river....! Any small rivers let me know
  3. Sunday Breakfast

    I'm just going home from nightshift to have my breakfast. Think I might stop off in Asda on the way home and buy some powdered scrambled egg mixture and have this on toasted rye bread with fried sweetcorn fritters, topped with ketchup. Wash it down with some Sunny D and Kenco Gold. Might surprise my missus with breakfast in bed. What about you lot?
  4. Wiping your arse

    Just back from a friend's house. Was desperate to "offload some extra baggage" in the lavatory but was horrified to discover an empty bogroll tube, and no more in the vanity cupboard. What would you do in this "shituation"? On this occasion I was fortunate that it came out in a one-r and as smoothly as if my ringpiece had been coated with WD40. I was therefore confident that there would be no residue and consequently no need to wipe. But I was lucky, got away with it this time. Anyone else want to share any similar experiences?
  5. Asda

    Went to Asda this evening as my local Tesco and Sainsbury's were both shut. A few observations: (1) The place stinks as soon as you go in the door. (2) Every second shopper is on their mobile phone (probably to some fat bastard wedged into the sofa at home) shouting, "Do you want blueberry or chocolate muffins, crinkled or straight kettle chips?" (3) Tons of unruly children running around not looking where they are going, parents screaming at them. (4) I'd never buy anything fresh from this store, only wrapped stuff. Their bakery, meat, fish, ready meals look bloody garbage. Is it just me or has anyone else had similar experiences in this chain of supermarkets? Ever experienced it to such a degree elsewhere?
  6. Shaving

    Gits I'm thinking about the £18.99 I spend every couple of months on 8 Gilette Fusion razor blades. Bloody rip-off. I like a wet shave but think that the big shaving companies are raking it in. Back in the day folk used to use disposable razor blades - can you still do that these days? Does it produce a comparable result?
  7. http://news.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/hi/health/newsid_8016000/8016138.stm pair of peroxide numbskulls...
  8. Jade Goody

    Here I have to admit that I started buying OK Magazine for my wife when she was in hospital after having our baby in November. Kind of got into a habit - a little 'treat' for her in the weekly shop. However I have refused to buy it for the past 3 weeks out of principle because it is paying that piece of filth so much money. Thought this week it'd have finished with her but that cover is a bloody joke. THey must have it on good authority that the slug will croak it this week, else what are they going to put on next week's issue? 'World Exclusive: My Funeral Plans'?
  9. Jade Goody

    Her kids will be adopted by The Mirror tbh and not want for anything. They will become celebrities in their own right and be famous purely for having a dead celebrity thicko trout faced mum. Probably get into drugs before they are 12 and we'll witness a heartbreaking yet strangely fascinating tale of these poor orphan boys (jack killed himself years since) smoking crack on Blue Peter while being interviewed by an ever youthful Carol Vorderrman etc etc etc etc. Sad thing is these two boys are ugly big-lipped trout faces too. Devastating legacy they are being left with. Racist! What makes that racist? I fully expect little Freddy and Bobby to appear on Celebrity Big Brother in 15 years time, and to get their meat and two veg out and be caught on live TV saying, "Look at my salami stick!". Also a concert at Wembley stadium in 10 years time to be headlined by stars such as Eoghan Quigg in memory of Jade - The Peoples Princess.
  10. Jade Goody

    Her kids will be adopted by The Mirror tbh and not want for anything. They will become celebrities in their own right and be famous purely for having a dead celebrity thicko trout faced mum. Probably get into drugs before they are 12 and we'll witness a heartbreaking yet strangely fascinating tale of these poor orphan boys (jack killed himself years since) smoking crack on Blue Peter while being interviewed by an ever youthful Carol Vorderrman etc etc etc etc. Sad thing is these two boys are ugly big-lipped trout faces too. Devastating legacy they are being left with.
  11. dead pool 09

    Hulk Hogan Sue Pollard
  12. Jade Goody

    Can I plead with everyone on here to avoid OK magazine this week, and any other media outlets with whom the repulsive shit has made official deals and who are paying her?
  13. Jade Goody

    "Britain's Bravest Bride". Christ. Mrs SLP will be seething tbh..... What a fuckng munter she is. Very ugly creature, inside and out.
  14. Jade Goody

    Sorry but I have only the harshest of words to say about her. She is wicked and evil to the core. A total waste of space who will not be missed in any way, shape or form. Even her children will benefit from an infinately better upbringing in her absence, and are thankfully just about young enough to forget about her. Were she to survive, these two boys would likely grow up to be the next generation of car theives, thugs and drug-addicts as a result of her parenting skills. How many times have people had their lives ended prematurely and unfairly, when friends and family have said, "he/she was a good person, caring and kind, they didn't deserve this, it's always the good 'uns that get taken early"? Can anyone honestly say this about Jade Goody? I'd like to think of this unfolding story as an example of natural selection. By having her reproductive organs removed, this has halted her ability to reproduce any further and so limit the spread of her genes and traits. By allowing her to die, it rids the world of a bad person who has nothing to offer to society.
  15. Cooee Scottish Mag

    I think I spotted some canny buildings there too, but that could have been anything. Glasgow's much nicer and friendlier. FACT. Thats what our mate says! (He's from Glasgow) Thanks very much for the info GM. Very interesting. As it turns out I wont be going now, mainly cos I'm a big girl's blouse and whilst they are up there hubby and son going to watch the racing at Cowdenbeath raceway on the Saturday night as they are so close to it. I just dont fancy it, cold and tired standing there all night shivering my tits off! Also I am looking after my neighbour's cats whilst they are in Italy, (Catmag will approve) so it all became too complicated for me to go too. I'm sorry I wont see the Forth Bridge though. As it turns out there's a chap Hubby makes race parts for who happened to ring him today to post some parts up to him, further discussion revealed he lives 3 miles from Auchtermuchty, so they have been invited to go watch the racing with them and stay at his place overnight ! What a small world. I will also be sorry to miss the ice-cream shop, as I bet they have turkish delight flavour. But I will mention it to hubby as he is a big ice-cream fan!! Yes they have Turkish Delight flavour ice-cream. And Irn Bru sorbet - the only place I have ever come across this! Oh well, your loss...!
  16. Cooee Scottish Mag

    I think I spotted some canny buildings there too, but that could have been anything. Glasgow's much nicer and friendlier. FACT.
  17. Cooee Scottish Mag

    Fife. I know. There is pretty much nothing in Auchtermochty except maybe a decent Venison farm. It's only because it is on the way to St Andrews that I have been there. To be honest there's nothing much to Auchtermuchty. Its claim to faim is that it provided the set for 'Doctor Findlay'. I pass through it every so often on my way to visit my family in St Andrews (my home town). It's about 20 miles from there on the road up from Edinburgh. You might carry on to see St Andrews, quite a nice and picturesque town slightly over-run by posh students who were rejected by Oxford and Cambridge. As it happens, the Dunhill Links Champioship golf tournament is on in St Andrews this weekend, which involves professional and celebrity golfers playing together in teams. Check out the official website, but in the past I have met Catherine Zeta-Jones, Michael Douglas, Samuel L Jackson, Alan Hansen, Ruud Gullit to name a few at this event (it's on every year). Confirmed celebrities this year include Hugh Grant and Huey Lewis. It's never really all that busy since the weather tends to be a bit unpredictable. Galleries watching the golf aren't huge. If you go to St Andrews, don't miss Janetta's ice cream shop on South Street - 52 different flavours, my favourite ice-cream shop. Sky Blue is my favourite flavour. Edinburgh is not bad for a stop-off, a few nice shops but it bores me after a few hours. Let us know how your trip goes.
  18. He's Baaaack

    My e-mail to him, and his response: Dear Mr Mort, I would like to plead with you to come back as chairman of Newcastle United FC. Kevin Keegan is the heart and soul of Newcastle United. I have been a Newcastle fan since I was 9 years old, in 1990. The return of Kevin Keegan to Newcastle in January revived my passion for the club, and my excitement for going to watch them play is on a par with what it was when I was an 11 year old by when he first came to the club. Mike Ashley clearly has the wrong kind of people around him, giving him the wrong advice. None more so than the little poisoned dwarf, Dennis Wise, who is no freind of Newcastle United supporters. It did not go un-noticed that you presided over a period of relative stability in the recent history of the club, and gained a lot of respect from its support. I would like to beg you to come back, talk some sense into Mike Ashley, and attempt to sort out this mess. If you are unwilling to relinquish your present position, then can you please at least make a telephone call to him. Perhaps also to 'King Kev' to remind him how much he means to the club. I fear that without Kevin Keegan at the club, it will nosedive. Yours Gratefully, Dr Colin Malcolm ------------------------------------------------------------------ christopher.mort@freshfields.com to me show details 5 Sep Reply Thanks Colin Having brought KK back to NUFC, I am obviously very disappointed with recent developments. I have not had an involvement with NUFC or individuals there since early June and do not expect to have a role influencing where things go from here. Regards Chris
  19. Karen Brady and David Sullivan arrested

    Does Brady still get ot from you?
  20. Big Brother 2008

    Anyone else think Lisa has the voice of a fairground bingo-caller?
  21. Wimbledon

    Anyone else wish this stupid bitch would fuck off? If my Mum went on about me like she does about her Andy, I'd disown her. Dreadfl put-on accent too.
  22. Philip Craig

    Does Philip Craig still run this board?
  23. Philip Craig

    Yep still hosted in Hungary they seem to be much better now though since the upgraded the servers not had any down time in a while (well other than due to problems we created ) Phil, what do you get up to with yourself? Are you like the Mother Teresa of the internet?! Seriously, you must dabble your fingers in several pies (i.e. forums).
  24. If you could bring back a dead comic?

    I thought that was a picture of Jimbo
  25. Old things you used to eat

    Banana spread on toaas Banana sandwiches Coco Pops any time of day Spoonfuls of brown sugar Spoonfuls of golden syrup - my Mum told me it would keep the cold away (?!) Toasted tuna mayonnaise sandwiches used to be my favourite, now probably not tasted tinned tuna in 15 years

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