bobbyshinton

*Points and laughs* Going for a new job? Mine is all panned out from 13.30. go boxing training, have a couple in the Beehive. Home have a few more whilst cooking a good meal. Tomorrow the match. Sunday Tunisia. oh joy

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the Space Shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow. The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions. NASA responded with a one-line memo: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Thaw the chicken." Tunisia Sunday yahooooooo

Last one for a while tomorrow. I'm off to Tunisia for a week A normal 50 something, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank. He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?" She replies, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank." "Amazing," he said. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you." "Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree." "But, where did you get the tools?" "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware." The guy is stunned. "Let's row over to my place," she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?" "No! No thank you," he blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor in the bathroom cabinet." No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?" When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?" She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean...", and he swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes......... . . . . . . . . . . ... ... ... "Don't tell me you've got Sky Sports"

The secret to sickies is to ring early (7ish) and leave a voicemail. That way you're unaffected by the reaction of the person you're telling. Plus it's easier to put your ill voice on when you don't have someone interrupting with questions and that. If they don't have voicemail, ring and talk to their secretary/assistant/the receptionist. Voicemail is your best bet though. I have left many an excuse on voicemail and then gone about my day of illness/emergency holiday with not a care in the world. woor lot carry company mobiles, I insist on speaking to them. It is part of them being considered for payment when off ill

Most cars use different tyres. They are put on from the side. Haldfords silverlink is a canny place to go or LMC Motors down by the side of Byker bridge

In the old days the English and Scottish armies used to fight by gathering their armies on top of the hills and at daybreak, they would run down the hillside into the deep gorge below to fight. One morning at dawn there was a fog (as thick as pea soup) and the two generals decided to refrain from fighting that day. Whilst the two armies were resting a voice, with a Scottish accent came from within the dense fog. "Any one Scotsman can beat any 10 Englishmen". With this, the English general sent down 10 of his soldiers. There was a hell of a fight and NO ONE returned. An hour later, the same voice was heard. "Any one Scotsman can beat any 50 Englishman". With this, the English general sent down 50 of his soldiers. The same thing, a terrible fight ensured and again NO ONE returned. An hour later the same voice. "Any one Scotsman can beat any 100 Englishman". Same same, down went 100 of the best. NO ONE returned. An hour later. "Any one Scotsman can beat any 1,000 Englishman". By this time, the English general had enough and was about to send down his elite soldiers, when he saw a lone Englishman crawling up the hill. He was battered to a pulp. As he reached his general he said, "Don't send any more troops down, its a trap, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . THERE'S TWO OF THE BASTARDS".

So they laughed at my grammer but is was my advice you took. A perfect plan until a little interjection by G clone.

Are you taking the piss

It's only cut n paste, but I take the effort to do it hoping I bring a little light relief to those who need a smile.

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, "Mary. Mary." "Is that you, Fred?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again." "Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven." . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Not exactly, I'm a rabbit in Suffolk."

Apart from missing a y off they,I feel they were reasonable answers to the questions posed. Are you illiterate? looks that way

Apart from missing a y off they,I feel they were reasonable answers to the questions posed.

It's common for them to go around the same time, they were installed at the same time. Most you go in from the back. Yes the use different ones. try halfords for advice the on silverlink is canny Difficult to argue with that. give the G man a chance, he will find a way

It's common for them to go around the same time, they were installed at the same time. Most you go in from the back. Yes the use different ones. try halfords for advice the on silverlink is canny

Poor fucking turkeys. You can just hear them Phew, well thats Christmas out the way

I'm back

You work for 8 months and then take a year off? How do you cover that in your CV? Sounds like some of our temps

I can cos I'm old

Entirely work safe not porn or offensive. Football related

A koala is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says to the koala "Hey! What are you doing?" The koala says "smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. The little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks him what's the matter. The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest,finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says - "Hey you!" The koala looks down and says: . . . . . . . . . . . . "Fuck dude...how much water did you drink?!!"

http://www.rsssf.com/tablese/engalltime.html found the above site interesting, sorry if repost also sorry I do not know how to post link

A bloke proposed a £1 bar bet to a full figured girl. Despite her dress being buttoned to the neck, he could touch her breasts without touching her clothes. Since this didn't seem remotely possible, she was intrigued and accepted the bet. He stepped up, cupped his hands around her breasts and squeezed firmly. With a baffled look, she said, "Hey, you touched my clothes." And he replied: "Okay. I owe you a pound."

That was the job before last, you taught me everything I know I can confer also with the Shinton support, Ive dealt with him professionally and hes a true professional. Best goddam fluffer ever I got the stains out did I not

So it was a lie that you owned your own company? I'm not surprised, I always pictured you as a 50 something gentleman who helps out on £5.35 an hour, in a small carpet company. Keep that picture in your head knob. I don't lie no need, people on here who I have contacted through business know. Unlike you, you seem to have dropped your claim to designing the cat avatar after I put the name of the designer up. What job are you in, how long have you been in it? Bobby, incandescent behind the axminster there. deep shag