bobbyshinton

First time bloke asked if she wanted decking.............................. bloke still picking his teeth up. just got allowed back when She picks up a mirror to buy and the bloke serving her says "Do you want a screw for that?" woor lass replies in front of the manageress . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And she replies "No, but I'll suck your cock for a lawnmower!!" FFS

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6469783.stm god i hope not

5 Live is a snoozefest on the mornings though. Besides if I didn't listen to Talksport I wouldn't get to hear Alan Brazil make horrendous off-colour comments about Heather Mills' wooden leg. If I wasn't too fat to scale the barrier on sunday I would have been running roond like a headless chicken trying to decide which one to hit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh alreet it woud have been Dire

How are you classifying Gooch and Moore? Timewasters or not good enough? Moore not good enough for the Premiership though one of our better / experienced ones when playing (at least he tries) Gooch too naive and a little slow of thought. He does have the potential in his stature, speed but, that could been said about Bramble and Taylor, both of which I feel have blown it. To be fair to them they try some of the other just don't seem to give a dam.

I would not P*** on Dyer if he was on fire He runs if he is playing with a balloon, he could not trap a dead pigeon. He has no heart, he just runs towards the ball, turns and repeats. He is a disgrace

How the fuck do you think I feel? I've got to search for them Read them Cut them Paste them and pretend I think they're funny. Just so un grateful twats can ask "I wonder if there is a compensation scheme for the time wasted reading bad jokes? "

I think I might have used this on N-O anyway enjoy A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be helped. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?" The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef. He then said, "Anything else?" The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher said, "How many?" The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a package of four pork chops. The dog then walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse. The butcher took out the appropriate amount of money and tied two packages of meat around the dog's neck. The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the dog. It walked for several blocks and then walked up to a house and began to scratch at the door to be let in. As the owner opened the door, the man said to the owner, "That's a really smart dog you have there." The owner said, "He's not really all that smart. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .This is the second time this week he forgot his key."

I waited and waited. The match was gash. Same old Same old. Roeder can not pick a team. He was ok when it picked itself. Dyer should have been of long before. How can a crowd of untrained unknowledgable fans see well before him? London was great by the way.

this week has been the same as the week we went out to Lisbon and then Man u. player not wanting to play for us, or just not good enough carr baba bramble moore gooch luque parker emre duff DYER moore ramage Roeder all just fuck off sure I have missed some

My advice as a carpet fitter would be get a little van No go for something like a Ka or saxo (wind your macho neck in and accept) A major factor on what car you get is the insurance They are good on petrol My future son in law has one and he is 6'5" build like a shit house. He enjoys driving it, they have most electric gadgets in. Fairly cheap Cheers for the advice, but I think they'd be too expensive for me, and I don't want car finance. Theirs was 2k

Put the kettle on Berbs setting off 15.30

My advice as a carpet fitter would be get a little van No go for something like a Ka or saxo (wind your macho neck in and accept) A major factor on what car you get is the insurance They are good on petrol My future son in law has one and he is 6'5" build like a shit house. He enjoys driving it, they have most electric gadgets in. Fairly cheap

NOW I'M CONFUSED

done it some time ago, worth a punt

cheers mate

Whats the best tickets to get for using the tube (oyster, day pass etc.) Tube ticket gets you a verbal, oral whatever slap

I'm a gentleman, I do not gossip.

Might be the last for some time as I'm flying down to the smoke tomorrow When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex? "Tarzan not know sex" he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said "Oh, Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree." Horrified Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothing and lay down on the ground. "Here" she said, pointing to her privates, "you must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch! Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed "What did you do that for?" . . . . . . . . . .. .. . . . . . . Tarzan replied, "check for squirrel."

He could do the former and still not fulfil the latter the way he's been playing. get rid also Dyer, Luque, Carr, baba,

You're also one of the biggest tossers I've ever met. (A bloke I lived with as a student nurse. The most anally retentive, patronising fuckwit I've ever had the misfortune to meet.) www.newltd.co.uk/vacancy-details.asp?jobid=87 - 11k - smee

ditto

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if join you? My partner didn't turn up." "Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a hit man," was the reply. "You're joking!" was the response. "No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools." "That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's that? Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her. He's naked as well! That bitch!" He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?" "I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger." "Can you do two for me now?" "Sure, what do you want?" "First, shoot my wife, she's always been gobby, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's a mate of mine, a bit of a lad, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson." The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently. "Just wait a moment, be patient," said the hitman calmly, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "I think I can save you a grand ....."

Picked him up from drama college today. Knowing the parts for latest play were supposed to be posted today, I asked him if he got a part. Woor youngen announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years." I say "That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it , . . . . . . . . . . . . . they'll be giving you a speaking part."

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds." When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly60 POUNDS! "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I was going to drop dead dat 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "No, from fookin' skippin'