snakehips

There were people leaving at 4 - 1 down with half an hour still to play!! Wankers. Two mediocre sides in evidence tonight imo.

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the ocean, one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn - I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten." A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted." Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back and lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them each a cocktail (the punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse than that). Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark," came the reply. Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture. He set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted: "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again." Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark now, not my friend and I won't be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed........." "I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian."

They should fit right in, then

No keeper would have saved that, unless he was standing directly underneath where the ball went in to start with. FACT! Given had to move initially to his left in case the ball was being directed over the wall and to the opposite side of the goal. What Given did was good goalkeeping. Good free kick that, as someone said, probably could only be replicated 2 times out of every ten - at most!

Just like garlic bread, new posters are the future!

I could well be there at some point(s). Dandelion and Burdocks all round

clueless. Agreed. Woodgate (when fit, which this argument doesn't revolve around) was one of the best central defenders we have ever had. EVER imo. As for Emre - another who flattered to deceive imo.

The tickets for the Spurs game are already on sale (got mine on Thursday) so if you want three together you would be advised to try as early as possible. I don't know their e-mail address, but you can get their phone number from nufc.co.uk (once you phone, you will be put in an automatic queueing system and could well have to wait around ten minutes which is a bind, but at least you know you're gonna get seen to eventually). The ticket office will help you out as best as possible.

Doyly, Cretinous, Inconsequential and Guttersnipe (pronounced the best by George Galloway MP on talkSPORT), are all words that have their merits. Does 'Blow-job' constitute one, or two, words?? If one, I know my favourite word. If two, can I be the first to suggest a catagory for favourite two words??

Or: Run for home. Run as fast, as I can, whoooaaa running man.. Or: Run for the hills. Run for your liiiives. Or: Running just as fast as we can. Holding onto one another's hands. 2 pts for each of the first two, 4 pts for the third. Anyway, doesn't there have to be a body in order for a charge to be made??? Whilst the majority of the country were a bitty suspicious right from the word go, we all gave the McCann's the benefit of the doubt due to the heart-rending trauma they must be going through if their story is true. However, this is yet another example of parents who think too much about themselves imo. A parent should NEVER leave their kid(s) unless they are left with someone 100% trustworthy.

Sorry have to disagree sort of. yes he is brave but to me he is a cock who could have endangered agents lives. ALso you join MI5 sign the forms and then should stay quiet. The man is a complete dick. I thought he was a dick when he first appeared on our screens after being kicked out of MI5. My conclusion that he was a dick was reinforced when he started parading in a Boro shirt. He obviously loved being in the media and this was the way he thought he could get back in the spotlight. A complete tosser of the highest order. Giving this lummox the push just shows that military intelligence isn't always wrong.

.......too perpetual? Alex, divvent be shaggin' any moose (what's the plural of moose??) whilst you're there.

Well my colleagues and I had never heard it, and we're all older than you ffs!!!!!!!! Anyway, shouldn't you be in the pub or summat???

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Tesco with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Tesco, nice children you've got there. Are they twins?" The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl: "Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest is nine and the youngest is seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins? . . . . . Do you really think they look alike, you dickhead?" > > > > > > > > > > "Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone would shag you twice!"

Thought police get on my fuckin' wick. Thought Policeman: 'Oooh, you mustn't think that. That is wrong. You're such a prol having those thoughts, y'know. Listen to me and my pals who know all there is to know about racism and how to interpret your actions/thoughts. We'll save you!' Normal dude: 'Oh, I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. I am a bad machine and I didn't know it.' WANKAS

Thanks to the information passed my way around 6 months ago, I know what you're on about! I wonder what the pair of them drink and whether Ashley demands the correct change every time he gets a round?? Billionaires aren't that for nothing! Ashley prob drinks Dog, whilst Mort likes a 'nice glass of Chardonnay' (sp).

Renton, don't be a stranger on here. Now that Phlegmill posts a lot less we all have the chance to raise the standard of this board. As to matches, I should be at the Everton game - provided I can get a ticket. I look forward to you buying me a pint! Cath, I'm away at the moment. I got a job working for British Antarctic Survey measuring the polar ice cap. Unfortunately, it's taking a lot longer than usual as they only left me a 6" ruler!!! By my calculations, I should be home around the 28th Sept See you all soon, folks. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!

YOU KNOW they don't allow clips - its plastered all over the place YOU Know the PL and the FA are redhot on chasing boards that do it so why are you so b***** stupid to post one? Prat Piss off you old fart Yeah, old timer, do one!

Helllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooooooooooo! I was just thinking of starting a thread about sending out a posse looking for you both, as it seemed ages since I had seen the pair of you posting! Hope you're both fit and well? XX (that's for Cath, Renton old boy )

I would guess I'm not alone in thinking that it could possibly have been XXXL Sam himself who spread the word about the buy-out clauses? As an attempt to get a few bob in, in order to buy his choice of strikers? I guess we'll never know. The last bit about Oba seems to be saying, 'Hey, if you want Martins you had better hurry!'

So Mido says he's used to it from opposing fans, eh? Perhaps, then, he can tell the FA which opposing fans he means - just so it's not only us that are condemned (as the media shites would like). This could well spawn a thousand and more ditties throughout football e.g. 'Mido's not a terrorist, gets abuse then gets really pissed [off, as in the American way]. Or 'Mido is really safe, and has got a lovely face'. You know the type of piss-take songs I mean, that no-one can do fuck all about and the press get really annoyed at.

I couldn't agree more. Those are not the actions of a man who is in the mood to sell up imo. for the shoes off comment! EDIT: btw, reports of him turning to Steve Gibson after Viduka had scored, shouting 'Up yours, you toilet-brush-headed pauper' are (wait for it) wide of the mark!!

She doesn't like NUFC or Geordies, it seems! Somewhere in her past a Tyneside lad must have cum in her mouth, after promising not to.

He probably would but that's valuing the club at something like £265million (inc the debt) isn't it? Someone could have had the club for a lot less than that before it was bought (around £200million if you include the debt as it stood). I can't see why there's this sudden interest in buying the club for more now Ashley has bought it. I just get the feeling the press aren't getting anything much out of the club these days so they're making things up. I came to this conclusion a couple of weeks ago. The press are getting absolutely zip from NUFC these days (from feast to famine - pun intended, by comparing Mort's BMI with Shepherd's and their relative messages to the media) and are just making any old shite up in order to get some response, hell, any response from the club. As Mort has just said, they are now not going to play ball by commenting on any made-up story in the papers.

Shackleton IIRC Cheers. Who the fuck is Len Shackleton?? I was only a mission of intent in my fatha's heed when he was playing etc etc.....