Blastronaut

That turd is just a product of Bran flakes and opiates. Add some guinness to that recovery diet and that poor bloke gets home a few days earlier and the nurse here is carrying a bucket of brown liquid.

You talk about this workmate quite a lot man, like youre on some sort of poverty safari. Guitly by association if you ask me.

That's a real fucking talent tbf. Lowering the tone considerably while still managing to be being a voice of reason. That was all going a bit Mumsnet and this thread needed that.

That reads more like Springsteen than Clapton. Fair play to chat gpt. Where the streets have no shame. Lockdown edition.

I'm being needlessly pedantic here but surely in Andrews case it's the right shoulder that has been taking all the damage, given he's a died in the wool southpaw rather than the more common fairweather leftie like ourselves.

I resemble that remark and resent the implication it's only because I'm pissed. Mate of mine got in touch out the blue the other day. Cyst removed from under his armpit, poor bastard can barely move his arm and sounds like he's in extreme pain. First question was "better not be yer wanking hand man, I'm long overdue a reacharound"

Thats way less than I was expecting to honest. Imagine it feels more natural than it looks.

It might not weigh much @Tom, but heaviness is a state of mind, man.

Belated Happy New Guitar Day. Looks nice. Like Tom I'm curious how it plays. Fanned fretboards freak me the fuck out but I'm not sure I've ever actually played one or bothered to read about the design much. Is it essentially fender scale on the bottom and Gibson scale on the top? I know I easily find and answer to this on Google but I'm a busy man with lots of important things to do (like drinking and being lazy).

> I'd be interested to know what band Dunsy was in back in the day? According to his discogs page he was in Joyriders, Dead Eyes Opened and Chickweed. > I've not heard much but they remind me of early Split Enz. Yeah thats probably fair but there's so much more there. The end career album Sing to God (when they had scaled back to a four piece) is widely regarded as their masterpiece but for my money the live performance of All that Glitters is a Mares Nest is peak Cardiacs, in their full tongue in cheek Circus act glory. They hooked up with Napalm Death to book Salisbury Cathedral forntue day for each bands respective live videos some time in the really early 90's. What a day that would've been. As for the hidden porn, I only keep some as a false wall to hide my Cardiacs collection.

An ancient Greek walks into a Tailors shop to get a tear on his trousers stitched. "Euripides?" asks the tailor. "Yeah. Eumenides?" replies the Greek.

Cardiacs reference isn't a slight fwiw. I have no evidence of this but I'd heavily wager that Tim Smith and Swervedriver most definitely got mentions on their respective late 90's albums.

Christ I misread that band name as Screwdriver on first glance and nearly choked on my Guinness. For a split second I was genuinely concerned you had me down as someone who might have a soft spot for nazi punk. That would be the last fucking thing I needed after the year we've had. False alarm. 7 o'clock and all is well. Anyway, nah not familiar with yer man Dunsy there but he seems sound. From that video I can't help but get the impression he might have a lot of Cardiacs albums hidden away beside his pornography.

Ive always been a right skinny bastard despite my ridiculous diet of Guinness and fry-ups but quit smoking in January this year and figured that if this isn't the year I get fat it's never happening. Photos from the last couple of days confirm that it is indeed happening.

Didn't start drinking until 4pm which is out.of character on a holiday. Thought I was just still remarkably sober for this time on Christmas day but somehow I've managed to smash a pint glass in the bathroom and my neighbour across the road has just rung the doorbell to say tell us we've left the car boot wide open and it's been hammering it down with rain. "Noticed when we got home about 10 minutes ago but the rains getting heavier, just thought I should let you know". Good man. Cheers for that. I think I'm a little more frazzled than I thought. We got home hours ago, though admittedly I did forget to go back out to shut the boot before getting stuck into the Guinness and Shiraz and I'm yet to get started on the Johnnie Walker.

It was bought by one spectacularly massive tit if that counts but I'm guessing photos of me building trampoline isn't what you're edging for.

They're still struggling to get away from the Abramovich era transfer policy of "fuck the finances, sign him and kill his career before he strengthens one of our rivals".

All the best folks. There's an eerie and uncharacteristic calm about our house that surely won't last. Fuck that reminds me, I've still got a trampoline to build.

She sounds absolutely delightful. I don't think we're that bad. Yet, anyway. Saying that our lad isn't even 7 yet, there's a good chance he'll manage to tip us over the edge at some point over the next 20 years if he keeps this up. Hey it's not all bad. He's fucking hilarious when he's not trying to get nominated for a Darwin Award.

Loved that show. That's basically us. Didn't find it uncomfortable at all but probably because all the girls behaviour is completely normal in our house. Ripping up books, throwing mirrors down the stairs, randomly grabbing dummies from toddlers and running off with them, that's our lad on a relatively mellow day. It is what it is. We're actually pretty lucky in that we got a diagnosis for him quite early and the school here has a decent autism provision so he's not having to attend mainstream school and his needs are (for the most part) being met. I know some folk in neighbouring towns with non-verbal autistic kids that are facing long battles for diagnoses and having to watch their kids struggle through mainstream school classes, so we could have it a lot worse. Best line from that show "aye she's half Rainman. She can throw all the pencils on the floor she just can't count them".

We made the rookie error of moving back closer to family shortly after our first was born. Not the smartest decision. Three of my four are diagnosed autistic. It's impossible to get anything done when they're at home like. The lad needs 24/7 one to one care, can't really take your eyes off him for a second or he's liable to do something mental like shit on the window sill or throw a boiling hot kettle across the kitchen. Thankfully his new favourite activity is simply tipping the mattress off of his bed and using the divan base as a massive drum. Which is great because if I can hear him doing that I know he'll probably be safe for long enough for me to take the bins out or go for a piss. Sure the neighbours fucking love us.

Ah, touché. If the start of 2024 pans out anything like this year has for me I might be looking to do the same tbh. How safe are the Barrow-Downs these days?

Aye I'm sure it's fucking wonderful if you've not got kids. I get shafted with the school runs and anytime one of them "isn't feeling well" and gets sent home or has to stay off. That's not even mentioning extended family members just showing up and leaving with their nose out of joint because I didn't offer to put the kettle on. Aye thanks for stopping by but fuck off, I'm busy. Mrs B bumped into our new neighbours in the supermarket on her lunch break the other day, subtle as a brick through a window they are. "Oh you're on your lunch break? I said to John you must have a job, didn't I John? I've seen you coming and going most days and I said to John I think she has a job. Didn't I say that John?"

Just the year they were founded tbh but it can sometimes be a bit concerning how many folk don't realise 1888 has Nazi connotations and just assume it's a Celtic FC thing. Paired with their "Hail Hail" patter it makes me wince more than the Apple reseller we had in town for a few years named "Stormfront".

Delighted you've ditched that shirt sponsor. Gambling sponsers aside, anything with the number in the 88 branding gives me the fear. Best case scenario? Celtic reference. Worst case? Nazi's. Our old DPD delivery guy had a totally unsubtle 88 tattoo that was always on display. I never asked questions and don't like to make assumptions like but even here in Central Scotland I'm 95% convinced he wasn't a Celtic fan.