Dr Kenneth Noisewater

Is this gen, or a wind up? It's not FACT, its just reporting of what Gary Richardson said on five live.

That lad at Cardiff, Chopra, looks handy.

Fuck me, I know we're small-time now but Steve Claridge and Ian Holloway, the two worst pundits off radio five are the panellists on this show. Pair of shite-spouting, bollocks-talking, weird looking gormless freaks. Not having to listen to these twats should be motivation enough to get promoted.

This.

'Hold on to your breakfast plates'

He does get a bit over-excited doesn't he?

Krul on. Unbelievable.

How unlucky is Harper? The first thing Shola has connected with in years is his head.

Is Guthrie injured?

First impression is that Carrol and Smith might do well at this level. That, or get a shit-load of cards.

I've never felt so unenthusiastic at the start of a new season. I'm debating whether to watch it or grout the bathroom whilst flicking between test match special and Radio Newcastle.

Isn't Nicky Shorey there?

D'oh! Anyone want to make me an offer on a 5th day ticket? 50p?

Aw, he's all heart...

It's a seagull, soaring on the breeze.

We were diddled

Where did Barry make his money then, what's his business?

You mean N-O shirley?

Have any of you read 'Stiff Upper Lips & Baggy Green Caps'?

Good work Paddy

They've backed themselves that far into the blokey corner it would be very difficult to cast a female presenter that would actually work. Sabine Schmidt would probably stand up to them.

WHAT May is a top bloke. His programmes on science, booze and toys are quality.

The more series they do, the more difficult it is for them to come up with something interesting / funny / original. It could do with a re-vamp. I'd get rid of star in the car and the cool wall straight away. But it's such a ratings winner I expect they are loathed to tinker with it too much.

Bernie has got nothing on the way Bill France Sr. used to manufacture results in NASCAR.