Ayatollah Hermione

Do any of Bruce's books have any prose as poetic as "tactically inept, cabbage head"? It's been in my head all week, it's beautifully constructed.

Right, my point was that it wasn’t even noticed in the moment by our feckless defenders

Fucking grim performance. And its not even one of those where the result might give a bit of confidence, we were saved by a VAR call that none of our players even appeared for.

Mandy and her gadgie sending a quick bribe down to the VAR booth there

Get the manager sorted tomorrow @Mandy

Reckon this lot could actually go down tbh, they’re fucking dreadful

That’s a strange u-turn from the official statement they put out last week

Can’t tell if this lot are actually this lazy or if they’re blowing out of their arse

Krafth smashing a 5 yard ball at ASM like it was a 25 yard effort on goal ffs

Fraser looks well off the pace. Understandably so, I suppose

Big Jow dropped. Graeme Jones in

Oh no, how will we afford to pay slightly more for these players?

The Athletic has an article where their writers pick who we “should” be going for and it’s the most football hipster list I’ve ever seen Some bloke managing in Serie B and Xabi Alonso, current manager of Real Sociedad B are particular highlights.

Reckon there’ll be a big improvement, just because that albatross is off most of their necks but I’m not sure there’s been enough time to get most of the stink off. I’d take a point and a decent, somewhat organised performance

Hope Edwards is quietly shuffled off to reporting on Luton or some shit. Probably for his own good

dare you to sum it up

Pablo Fonseca’s* piss taking mags *this is what my dad thinks he’s called

Edwards is shitting it now that his only source on the Newcastle beat is away. I’m sure a hasty request to be further south will be forthcoming.

Can smell the drink from here, zut alores!

How much would Liverpool captain and Ex-mackem, Jordan Henderson cost, I wonder?

139 goals in two and a bit seasons Was he going for a Guinness World Record?

That’s just the favourite hobby of middle-class white Guardian readers tbf.

Easiest way to not be called useless is to not be useless. Straight in with the victim act anyway

I was at Central Station and he was in front of me buying Viz in Sainsbury’s. Confirmed

It’s shorter odds on Fonseca being next than it is me getting absolutely ripped to the tits tonight.