Ayatollah Hermione

Renowned local shithole, Gotham Town has shut for good, I see. I don't know if you've ever tried going in there through the day but daylight really shows what a right fucking dump it is/was. Played some decent tunes though and hopefully it isn't replaced with some shit prosecco and gin den for arseholes to take Instagram selfies in.

Lasses when they’re trying to pick holidays?

Every possible outcome voted against ffs people like to say “oh, this shouldn’t have been left in the hands of the public” Well, it definitely can’t be left in the hands of these complete fucking chancers.

The footage of the crowd in the Bristol game Immediately after that kid called them "the best support in England" I won’t harp on anymore in here but fuck me, this is one of the finest examples of dramatic irony in any work ever made.

It's lovely to see. Money very well spent.

He’s up on trial for noncery in Dubai. Shame that his time here will end up in a grisly beheading but rules are rules and he should be punished to the full extent of the law.

Saw the FIFA gaffer say “I can’t believe people like this still exist” Really, Jackie? Have you paid any attention to Earth in the last few years?

As an aside, finally getting round to watching the Netflix documentary and I'm buckled in the first minute. An actual sermon about their shit football team, intercut with images of some speccy kid pointing at his napper, screaming "FUCKING THINK ABOUT IT!" as Billy Jones looks on, almost in tears. What a crease this is going to be.

Could be one for Most Haunted to tackle.

Aye, I’m #TeamRaheem. The fact he’s a thoughtful, intelligent kid is made even better by the fact that the press are livid that he’s switched on

I meant going forward, ANDREW. If that is your real name

Beating Eastern European shite 4-5-nowt every qualifying cycle is mint. Starting to see why Man City fans have a good time now.

How does selling 6 players who currently aren’t at the club constitute a major reshuffle?

I'd love to boot a football off his young un's head. I don't advocate violence against children and I think it's a bad shortcut to resort to in terms of instilling discipline but fuck me, it'd be satisfying. And then I'd suplex his dad off a bridge.

He also retweeted this which is a clear pisstake but I think he might be taking it seriously.

Can't be doing with Gaga, like. Having to hear that FUCKING SHIT tune from that probably shit film every day for 6 months has sent me round the bend. Maybe if it was one of those rough and tumble bouts of rumpy pumpy that is 40% wrestling, I might change my mind.

You literally can't, though. Like when you couldn't grasp a Year 9 SATS-standard graph

Christ, Turkey must be shite.

Well, what doesn’t stick in your mouth, won’t stick in your arse

That’s one way to arrive at a definite conclusion: offer up seven of them.

Uncle D is just Uncal Mick using a pseudonym. Has to be

She's a complete embarrassment. Absolutely none of this can be worth it, just so you can say you're Prime Minister. I'd honestly reopen the tower and chuck her in it.

It's those artificial pitches. So I've heard

Was that her response?

Maybe we’ll just keep delaying it until everyone involved gets sick of it. Like me with my student loan repayments.